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Monday, May 7, 2012

What I Do, Part Deux

People, people with wonderful intentions, frequently contact me on behalf of their spouse/boyfriend/roommate/BFF/babymama, saying, "I love you! I need to hire you to kick someone's ass! Yes! Let's do this!" And then...*crickets.* The person in question either never contacts me, or does so in such a half-assed way as to clearly demonstrate that they're doing this to stop the onslaught of nagging. 
Listen, what I do isn't witchcraft. It's very simple: the more time, effort and energy you put into doing what I advise you, the more results you get out. But it depends on you, the client. I can keep you motivated, I can keep you on track, I can give you creative and exciting ideas...but you're the one who has to put the changes into motion. (#vomitalert) You, the client, have to be hungry for it. I can't, and won't, chase you. I can't beg you to do the work to help yourself. I am, thank god, not your mom...but if I were, I'd be MILF, huh? (#gross)
So to all the people thinking I can solve their friend's problems, even as said friend is "dubious"...what you want is pretty much irrelevant. You're not the one who'll have to do the hard work. So you can tell your BFF that you're not going to listen to their bitching anymore, since s/he didn't take the help offered, and that they need to STFU...but free will is a funny thing, right?
Because I'm the tough love Creativity Yenta, remember. I'll be honest with you. I'm here to help you make serious lasting changes which will positively impact your whole life. Not like those irritating coaches who give you some bogus personality test they got off the Interwebs, and then seriously suggest you become a probation officer, like it's a good idea... and you realize you gave $500 to a person whom you wouldn't hire to teach your cats to use the litter box. I'm actually trying to help people, not offend their intelligence.
I'm here to motivate you, the client, to understand your potential, your choices, your possibilities..but motivate doesn't mean I'm responsible for your happiness. (Again: free will.) My policy is to give clients the skills and the mental outlook so that they eventually will be able to help themselves...kind of like another charismatic, melodramatic Jew you might have heard of...a carpenter. (See what I did there? #ikillmyself!)

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