The Joys of Networking

I'm being both ironic and realistic with that title, since despite all the networking I do, in a variety of ways, I don't always love it. For example, I had to force myself to attend a big networking event in NYC last night, that, naturally turned out awesome...and I'm not even referring to the open bar. Though that was also awesome.

But yesterday afternoon, I mentioned to a client I was going to this event and she said something like, "I'll bet you go and talk to like 15 people...right?" Insert here a mental image of my eyebrow moving into my hairline. 15 people?? I'm going to a professional networking event, not doing drugs at an all-night rave in a deserted warehouse! Christ, I've gone to birthday parties of people I've known since like the second grade, and still only spoken to about 5 of them! If I'm talking to 15 people at one event, you'll know that my cult is getting ready to drink the Kool-Aid, as the ATF starts fire-bombing the bunker.

Let's all be realistic. Networking is tiresome; it's hard, it takes time and it's a process. It's a process of
being real with ourselves and others, of making emotional connections, of helping others...it's a damn long process! People have these crazy ideas that other people like networking, or that other people find it easy, or that networking should be easy and so they freak themselves out, and build up these events into some kind of closing credits to a John Hughes film. Then, when they really go to an event, and maybe speak to only 2-3 people and don't have a job in 5 minutes, they're pissed and frustrated and say, "Well, I networked once. It didn't work."

No, you didn't work it. You have to go to these events with a realistic, yet upbeat attitude. You have to smile at everyone, wear something clean and professional, bring business cards and, crucially: know what you are selling. Why are you at this event? (If you say, "to hook-up," I swear to god...) What are you looking for? If you're looking for a job, what kind of job, in what industry, and what do you have to offer? Have you researched the guest list and mentally prepared a list of whom you should speak to and why? Have you cleaned up your LinkedIn profile, and general social media footprint, so when people Google you, they don't see you doing naked drunk keg-stands? ( Btw: up top, bro!) Do you have an elevator pitch?

Sigh. Some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, "Ugh, Carlota, that sounds like a lot of work." Okay...but this is your life. Aren't you worth it? Aren't your goals worth the work? Isn't a life spent doing interesting things which use the best of what you have to offer worth it? (PS: I think you can still work a drunken keg-stand or 100 into that mix. I'm not a tyrant.)

Want some help getting your mind right for networking? Damn right you do! Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

Besos,
C.

Just to keep it super simple, for all you kids playing along at home...

What Networking Is: Making a genuine connection; meeting someone new and thinking whom you could introduce them to, or how you can help them...and doing so; listening; having an interesting dialogue, even if it's just about a sports team or why Jessica Simpson thought that 'Maxwell' is an appropriate name for a little girl. Because networking is just interacting with your fellow humans, and it works best when you actually like the person...whoo, crazy! Who are you going to hire? Someone you had an interesting talk with, and whom you like and think is smart...? Or the guy who shoved his business card at you, and tried to look down your shirt. (You think I'm making that sh*t up? Please.)


What Networking Is Not: Thrusting your (pink, paisley, glitter-encrusted) business card blindly upon any and all people you meet at a "networking event," without bothering to think about who they are and what it is they do; waiting to talk instead of listening; interrupting other people; looking actively bored, and then, the next day, sending out mass emails reminding people why they should block you book your services.

True story: I was at an alumni networking event last year, and this girl, upon hearing that I had given a series of workshops at the New York Public Library (I know, sexy, right?), gave me The Look, and said, "Well, how were you able to do that? I've been trying to get in touch with them for months...what makes you so special?"

Super charming, right? Just made me want to give her all of my contacts and contacts and help her! She then must have realized how um gracious she sounded, since she tried to back-pedal, saying, "I mean...maybe we could have coffee some time...?" Yes. Sure. Coffee sounds good. Pencil me in for the 4th of Never. Oh wait, is that a Tuesday? I can sense I'm going to be very, very busy.

Want more networking hints? Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com!

So, I recently went to an alumni mixer to network…and yes, fine, okay: to flirt with mens 15+ years younger than me. Happy? Feeling good about yourself since you got me to admit something…well, I could say ‘shameful’ but since I’m a big hit with that particular demographic, perhaps ‘shameful’ isn’t exactly the right word. Maybe something more like, “Oh, hell yeah, I did!” But, I digest.

Anyway, at said alumni event, I was reminded that 1): an open bar remains an awesome accomplishment in the history of our species, and 2): many smart people still don’t understand how important networking is. Nor do they understand that networking is an on-going activity. Think about some of the truly successful people you know. Not the ones who hooked-up with some miscellaneous Kardashian. No, I’m talking about those successful people whom you admire and would feel comfortable inviting into your home, without fearing that they’d transmit some new, antibiotic-resistant STD to the cats.

Those people network non-stop: at school, at the gym, at a bar, in line at Starbucks…they are always seeking opportunities.  And by 'networking,' I don’t mean they just collect business cards and add them to their LinkedIn profile. They engage with their contacts. You people, who have 300 LinkedIn connections, but hate your job…or are unemployed? What do you think those connections are, chopped liver?

And I’m prefacing these comments by talking about 'smart people,' because the people I spoke to at the alumni event, who either didn’t have business cards, or didn’t know what kind of job they wanted, or half-heartedly said they were “um, you know, kinda networking”…these are people whom, when I looked them up later on LinkedIn, or checked out their resumes, they were all honor students, with high GPAs etc. (Sigh.)

So, if you at home, are also wishing you had an open bar available right about now, and oh yeah, you could maybe also use you a j-o-b, just do these three things for me:

11  Create a (free) account on LinkedIn, with a professional and engaging photo, and start filing in your education, your experience. Start thinking: how am I going to present myself to the world? What type of job might I be interested in? And whom do I know?

2.     Get some traditional (translation: boring) business cards with, if nothing else, your name, your cell phone, a professional email address and some kind of title to identify yourself, ex: 'Juris Doctorate Candidate,' or 'Journalism Student,' or anything else that makes it seem like you have some kind of plan. (Don’t worry if you do not, indeed, have said plan:  life is about pretending like you do have a plan, figuring out what interests you, trying to make that happen and then waking up one day and realizing that all of that activity translated, if you’re smart, into a very interesting plan. The secret is hard work.  Dear God, when did I become my grandpa?)

3.       Clean up all your social media accounts. Seriously. Make them so boring that HR will feel sorry for you because you clearly have no friends and no life…and hey, you’d be perfect to work here! Because even the best LinkedIn profile, the most talented networking,  the most competent experience is going to be derailed by Tweets like “#Rise&grind trees” or “I need a ride and dye #b*tch” or a Facebook page showing you doing keg-stands or quoting controversial figures describing their sexual proclivities. (This reminds me of certain people you’ll find on Twitter, for example, who advertise that traffic in stolen goods. And you want to say, “Um, you know that the cops use the same Twitter you do, right? There isn’t like a grown-up Twitter, or a knucklehead-free Twitter, so if you’re advertising that your ‘job’ is stealing and then re-selling iPods or iPhones, I’m going to look forward to your last Tweet from Central Booking.”)

When you’ve done all three things on the list, and you still some need help to get your career search in focus….shoot me an email at carlotazee@gmail.com!

The business of business cards

It's a truism: as the weather cools down, the business heats up. And: I have less time to blog. Which is, I suppose, both good and bad. But today, I just have to rant: why are there, pray tell, such a thing as "sensual" premium business cards? Why are there business cards of sexy women in lingerie, or a woman's mouth with a strawberry in it? Yep, that would be super professional. No, that wouldn't at all creep me out: to have an adult handing me a business card of a woman's curvy figure in silhouette with diamonds on it. (I would say that the card sounds like a stripper's business card...but do strippers carry business cards? Please don't answer that.) I did, in fact, meet one "professional" who used the card featuring a woman's mouth, with a strawberry between her lips: she was, natch, the very bad sex toy seller, whom I wrote about earlier this summer. My point, exactly.
Also: why are there so-called "dating" cards? Cards on which you're supposed to write your name, number and a description. 'Cause yes, that is super sexy. I don't mean to sound like your me-maw, but...can't people just exchange phone numbers? Isn't that why Jesus gave us iPhones? Or what happened to the deeply meaningful and intimate art of sexting? Or, what about, alternatively, writing to, and then eventually marrying, men on death row? I'm only sort of kidding, having read this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/magazine/a-death-row-love-story.html?_r=1&hpw) about a woman who did just that. As one of the, hilarious, commentators said: "I knew dating in NY is hard, but...!"
But seriously: business cards are about--watch what I do here--promoting your business. As in, selling your services or your product. As in, generating positive interest. One does not generate positive interest with a business card designed to look like a dollar bill. Or a card with an image of a topless woman. Or, covered in gold glitter. Or, if you're a musician, no contact information, besides your website address, and then, once people visit your blog, no further way to contact you. Increasingly I find that a lot of people who say they're in business, in reality, are not.  Or, they're in the business of screwing themselves. It's complicated.
But here's what's not complicated: if you want to do business, and make money, and get your brand out there, it does help to have a simple, professional, efficient business card which makes it clear who you are, what you do and how one can contact you. It's nothing personal, just business.