31Ways2GetItStarted™! January 9, 2013

Day 9:  Don't Ask Someone Else's Permission to Achieve Your Goals

It's always strange/interesting/irritating to me how many people need to ask and receive another person's permission to achieve their own goals. Just writing that sentence, in fact, irritates me. You're going to ask someone else to approve your goals? Okay, deep breath, relax, calm blue ocean etc. But seriously: What's that about? 

Now, again, I was raised as an adored only child...I didn't ask permission of anyone when I was three, so why the hell would I do that now? What can anyone else know of my heart? (Whoa...did I start writing a crap Phil Collins song here...yipes. #redundant) But who is anyone else to approve or deny my goals? On the other hand, no one else can put in the work, the whining, the determination. So, guess what: your approval isn't needed. My ego is sufficient. #understatement

A few years ago, a budding playwright (...well. I'm using that term extremely loosely. As in, The Kitten is a playwright, since he likes to sleep on books of plays when they're open on my bed. The Kitten also probably has a better sense of dialogue and the stage than this kid but anyhoo.Still horrified by his "play" about a drunk clown.) asked me if he could call himself a playwright. In hindsight, I should have said, "No." But, okay, he was a remarkably good looking young man and my vagina was interested so I said, "Of course!" I shouldn't even mention this, but he had a neck tattoo of the notes of a children's lullaby on his neck. Sigh. Now, I haz a shame cycle. Again. Which is why they call it a "cycle."

My point: 1) I frequently have horrible taste in mens, and 2) You do not need anyone else's permission. F**k that noise. Know why? Because, friends, many, oh so many sad little people are going to hungrily line up to tell you, in loving detail, all the reasons why you cannot, should not and must not achieve those goals. A lot of sad people will take tremendous pleasure in making you feel like crap. So why let them? Instead of asking for someone's "permission" to achieve your goals, ask yourself: How bad do I want to achieve these goals? How hungry am I? How hard am I willing to work? Give yourself permission to work hard every day. Give yourself permission to be the person you always wanted to grow up to be. Better give it to yourself since no one else will!  

Want some help freeing your mind? (Oh, you love that...!) Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, or leave a comment. Bonus points if you're a hot boy with a hot neck tattoo!

Not to get all philosophical on you guys, but yesterday I found myself brooding on the very many ways there are to live, and sometimes waste, one’s life. This was not inspired by this brilliant video (http://jezebel.com/5900906/your-morning-ennui-henri-the-french-cat-articulates-the-pain-of-existence)

 but rather because as word came out that a friend of mine (chitraganesh.com) won a 2012 Guggenheim  Fellowship…another friend of mine was bothering me with her usual lame ass shit. I’m just going to be blunt here.  It’s that kind of morning. Yes, already.

So while one friend was reaping the rewards of changing her consciousness and pushing through to a higher level (Dear god, this sounds like a bad 1990s Afrocentric rap song, but I’m old, I’m tired, and I have too much to do today.), another friend was reaping the rewards of being steadfast in her determination to not only not raise her consciousness, but to not even get the t-shirt. You know those kinds of people? Those people who not only want to stay hunkered down in their muck and mire, but don’t even want the bumper sticker about getting liberated? Those people who wouldn’t learn from their mistakes if their mistakes sent them a text message and took out an ad?  Because, of course, they never make mistakes and when you admit to your mistakes, they pity you…even as you have to listen to them constantly rewrite history without a dictionary or a grammar guide? Oy. Those kind of people.

I mentioned this to another friend, who is far more tolerant than I, and she made the point about how fascinating it is to contemplate all the different kinds of lives being lived side-by-side. Like those multiple-narrative films Hollywood makes when they want to be “relevant.”

And she’s right, my friend was right…but I would also argue that while some people really are living and are trying new things, and learning and making mistakes and growing yadda yadda yadda…other people merely exist. Not to say that unless you have a Guggenheim, you’re not living, since I’m sure there are plenty of people who won Guggenheims who are miserable. I’m sure there are people who won Guggenheims for, say, indigenous banjo theory or studying pirates...which yes, does seem kind of awesome, right about now. (Jealous.)  But my friend who won a Guggenheim is passionate about her art. She’s invested in something larger than day-to-day issues.  The awards are coming because she’s quietly, consistently, making a long-term commitment to something huge. A commitment like that that doesn’t happen overnight…but it can happen if you choose to allow it. If you start bite-sized and follow through every day.

 And if you’re ready to make a commitment, you should email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com!