Reach Out

I was reading an opinion piece by a small business owner the other day, and afterwards I girded my loins and read the comments. I usually go out of my way to avoid reading comments, because life is too short to seek out haters, but I was feeling kinda feisty.  I found one comment in particular fascinating; the writer, long unemployed, said that in our “newly” class-conscious America, the unemployed were going to remember which individuals and companies had treated them badly, and not patronize them or their business anymore and in fact start doing everything at home, on their own. One woman even wrote that she’d be framing her own pictures from now on. (Testify, my sister!) 

Um. Okay. First of all, let me make it a hundred, no a thousand percent clear that I have nothing but empathy for people who are unemployed, who have seen their previous way of life gutted. To be unemployed is to feel you have lost not only your lifestyle, but your independence, your value, your friends, etc. We live in a society in which the unemployed are treated like lepers, like third-class citizens, in which it’s easier to discuss being diagnosed with cancer than to admit you’ve lost your job. So, I don’t blame people for being angry. If being angry is going to make people demand long-overdue and necessary changes to our socio-political climate, bring. It. On! (Grrr!)

On the other hand, the idea that any one person can do everything on his or her own, that you don’t need society, that you’re going to punish society…seriously? No one ever did anything on her own.  That’s just one of those popular fictions that we all pretend to believe, like Jennifer Lopez is no longer a soul-sucking diva or that Madonna is totally fine, totally at peace with aging. (Ha.) We live in an time wherein life and opportunity is dictated by social media and our connectivity to each other.…but some people think they can ignore all that and live entirely on their own? Okay, enjoy churning your butter and sewing your own clothes, and I suppose bartering for whatever other goods you need. The cats and I will remain in…well, I suppose Queens technically counts as a form of civilization. I’m going to keep reaching out to others to help improve their lives and, at the same time, my own.  

I went to a networking event last night--since apparently, me sitting at home watching "Adult Swim," does not seem to bring in clients...what a word!--and while it was bearable--I did meet two great, smart, fun guys--the event did bring home to me the fact that...most people are missing the concept of networking. Painfully missing the concept.
Networking is NOT attacking me, while I'm trying to pay for my overpriced glass of w(h)ine, with a hard-sell for your t-shirt folder/investment product/repair service. Not hot. Instead, how about you try to engage me in a conversation and then we exchange information, and if I'm interested in your product, I ask further questions, and you answer? Weird, I know, but at least in that scenario, I'm not likely to chuck your biz cards at the end of the evening, since I'm still so irritated by your shrill pitch.
Also, like the song says, people "ain't nothing but mammals," but when you're asking me condescending questions about my business and plays, while maintaining unwavering eye-contact with my ta-tas (who, by the by, are also seriously NOT into you)...yeah, that's also not going to turn me on.True story: one man seriously asked me what my latest play is about, and just to wrap the stupid questions up, I said, "prostitution," and he said--I swear to God he said this--,"Oh, is it based on life experience?" Clever! I wonder if his "flirting" with me wasn't making his hand jealous.
Here's what people don't seem to get about networking: networking isn't about meeting another human and immediately think that said person will get you a job, or a date or anything. Networking is about meeting people with whom you might eventually be trade on your human currency...stress the "might eventually" part.
Two people meet, they talk, maybe they have something in common, they exchange contact info, and maybe, perhaps, just possibly, at some distant time, one may be able to help the other. Maybe. You go out to a cocktail party to interact with other people, to have a conversation, to pay too much for a drink and if you're very lucky, you might meet one carbon-based life-form with whom you can have an intelligent, even interesting conversation, which will, hopefully, be repeated in the future, and if you have enough of these conversations, and you're interests align, maybe at some point, that person can put you in touch with someone who can put you in touch with someone who knows someone, who knows a guy...who is maybe hiring. Or needs your services. Or his sister went to your college so sure, he can do you a solid. Or whatever. It does require some patience.
It also requires that if you meet someone who is doing something which seems odd to you, maybe you STFU and learn something? Yes, my cleavage is still a little cranky.

Got my mind right

I should preface these comments by saying I've been up (and working...and walking uphill both ways) since 3am (don't ask), so now my brain is yawning and farting, and just generally ready for a nap and a Scotch. (Not necessarily in that order.)
Anyway, this morning I got office space (380 Lexington! A huge office that I could, theoretically, fill up with photos of the cats but since I'd like to GET clients and not horrify them, I shall leave the photos on the phone, blog, laptop, brag book where they belong.) so that I can stop meeting clients at cafes and have a prime location for my nascent empire.  I am thrilled...and a wee bit nauseous which probably means I'm doing the right thing. As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, "You must do the thing you think you cannot do." (Fun fact: she used to carry a gun. Armed liberals are some of my favorite things! And, I probably just lost several hundred prospective clients...alas.)
Anyway, I realized I had to get office space and stop worrying about money earlier this week, when I had a revelation about breaking through bad patterns. I had spent months trying to get a small business loan so I could take advantage of some opportunities, but like the Greek government, all I was getting was a world of pain.
It was making me very cranky...until I sort of thought, "...or, what if I just ignored the problem and did what I needed to anyway? What would happen then?" (Insert the theme song to that great 1980s education show, 3-2-1 Contact here: http://youtu.be/B7S537b7saE) What if I stopped letting the problem dictate my actions...and did what I needed to?
And, to quote the rappers, I got my "mind right." (Can I really motivate people quoting Gucci Mane and Ace Hood? What a country!) I decided to attack the issue another way, focus on what I was trying to accomplish, and stop distracting myself and wasting time on the symptom...so far, it appears to be working. (*shifty eyes*) So far..