Friday Fun

I'm feeling a little WONDERFUL recently since after years of hard work & magical thinking & yes, some whining, great things are happening to my business, one of which is that Huffington Post just hired me to rant blog on career advice, life, professional potential, dating, sexting, why Will Arnett should show up nude at my front door, cats, cats in wigs, celebutards, etc. etc.! Mother's so proud! You can, and should, check me out on Huff Post here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carlota-zimmerman/the-5-best-free-jobhuntin_b_3697334.html

Also, within a month this blogspot will go the way of all flesh to be replaced by my brand new and quite lovely website...and I hope you'll all come with, since I'll be offering a lot of wonderful webinars and other goodies!

And yes, before I become too famous and start seriously discussing myself in the third person, you can still score a free consultation with me by just becoming a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta." Carlota thinks that's an awesome deal...what are you waiting for??

Besos,
C.

It's All Relevant

Or, at least, that's what we have to tell ourselves about our life experiences, otherwise we head down a dangerous road of deciding certain years were wasted and damning ourselves for being human. I was thinking about this yesterday, during a conversation with a client, who had had some truly amazing adventures in the Former Soviet Union, but was currently expressing serious hesitation about the wisdom of mentioning that period on LinkedIn, saying..."But wasn't it all too long ago?"

 Welp, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be where I am, doing the things I'm able to, and planning my future if it wasn't for the things I did more than 5 minutes ago, i.e. my first job after graduating college. Who knew having furious anchors throw their sandwiches me, and having to call the Kremlin every morning to discreetly ask if Yeltsin was still alive, would present me with so many life lessons? (I need to trademark that sh*t and get on a t-shirt right. Now!)  So, my response to the client was: "It's up to you to present this experience in a way that potential employers can immediately "get" its relevancy." (That made the client roll her eyes, since she was hoping for the easy answer. So was Luke Skywalker and he ended up with his old man cutting his arm off, realizing he had made out with his sister.)

 Not that age-discrimination isn't a real issue. Only in America, would we simultaneously talk about "life experience," and yet seriously want to hire twenty-somethings for executive positions. Then these same companies are shocked, shocked that the kids come to work in flip-flops and blue nail polish and ask aloud who Yoko Ono is. (I have personally witnessed this. Since the person asking the question was a good-looking boy, I kinda brushed aside my outrage...and scruples. Oh well.)

I still stand by my answer. All experience can be relevant for your LinkedIn profile, and thus, by extension, your job-hunt IF you present it in a succinct, intelligible and relevant manner that makes readers of your profile and resume immediately understand what you've done, what you know, and how that knowledge can benefit their company.  So yes, you're going to have to:
1. Invest some time figuring out exactly what type of job you want in what industry;
2. Figure out what skills, education and accomplishments that industry values;
3. Identify the skills, education, experience and contacts you already have that are comparable and relevant;
4. Create a LinkedIn profile and resume that demonstrates your skills, education and accomplishments in a manner intelligible and relevant to said industry.

So, for example, if--dear God--I wanted to punish myself and return to network news, I'd have to completely rewrite my LinkedIn profile as to as focus on the networks I worked for, the jobs I held, the skills I learned ("Whining." "Threatening writers who miss deadlines." "Screaming at field producers." "Hanging up on moronic reporters who ask yet another stupid question while I'm attempting to meet my deadline." ). Thus, I'd build a profile which I could then show to my friends/acquaintances/ deadly rivals in TV news and use to get an interview. On the other hand, I'd gloss over, as much as possible, this period of being self-employed, since I know that it makes corporates antsy. I'd mention this business only as it serves to reinforce the "messages" I'm telling about myself in order to get hired; messages of self-reliance, initiative, intelligence, determination.

My point being, everything can be relevant...if you know what type of job you're after, and what that job entails, and what the industry values. (This, of course, is different from people who despite being in their 40s and 50s, seriously list, on LinkedIn, the jobs they held in high school, selling ice cream or working at a pretzel stand at the mall. I know I'm all about personal responsibility, but these are the people to blame for me going out on a Tuesday and having six margaritas on an empty stomach.)

 Want some help getting your LinkedIn profile relevant and timely and useful? Of course you do! Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.

xo
C.


  

Danger, Carlos Danger!

Aww, I couldn't resist that headline! #sorrynotsorry I almost considered renaming our foster kitten, 'Carlos Danger,' but the kitten has better judgment. Also, he's too smart to be a politician. But since I'm speaking about  not being able to resist one's baser intentions, how about Anthony Weiner, that super classy guy running for NYC Mayor? Weiner, who said when asked about how many inappropriate "relationships," he's had, responded:"Six to ten, I suppose-but I can't tell you absolutely what someone else is going to consider inappropriate or not." http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/anthony-weiner-details-how-many-women-hes-had-online-relationships-with/2013/07/25/c185ad5a-f572-11e2-9434-60440856fadf_story.html

I cannot make this sh*t up.That comment made me chortle bitterly... and then depressed the hell out of me. Um, I'm going to go ahead and suggest that Mr. Weiner can exactly tell us what someone else is going to consider inappropriate, because, let's be frank, he knows exactly what he's doing when he gets involved in one of these "relationships." (Not to mention:the idea that anyone would use the term "relationship" to describe these tawdry online encounters speaks volumes about how lonely we are as a society, and, more significantly, how lonely Mr. Weiner must be with himself. Sexting is not a relationship!) When Anthony Weiner is flirting with yet another woman online, shortly after starting his public mea culpa campaign in People magazine,knowing that he's going to make a run for public office...come on, people! That punk knows exactly how inappropriate and shady he's being. And he relishes it.

Listen, I dislike Weiner because he's a liar, and incompetent, and never did anything for this city even before he first got caught. He was known for press conferences and self-aggrandizing behavior and being a bully...all of these being other sides, obviously, of his tremendous self-loathing. The only person Weiner ever served--and is still serving, I'd argue--is himself. And, I suggest, he's serving himself by deliberately sabotaging himself. Does that sound like gibberish to you? Listen, if you hate yourself, you'll do whatever it takes to destroy yourself.

So when Weiner says he has "no idea" what other people might consider inappropriate, I'd argue that not only does he know--in excruciating detail, by the way--but he must enjoy, in one aspect or another, seeing his private life, his family, his image humiliated so publicly. Inappropriate is as inappropriate does. What a shame. NYC deserves more. (Except for New Yorkers who perform live music on the subway. They deserve the death penalty. Don't even get me started.)

The real inappropriate behavior here, of course, is that Weiner apparently can't give the same commitment to
 figuring himself out, to getting the real, long-term help he so obviously needs, as he is to destroying himself. He's really committed to his pain. Unfortunately, I'm sure they'll continue to be very unhappy together.

If you're interested in figuring out how to stop sabotaging yourself, and instead allow yourself to achieve the  professional success you've always craved, email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

Besos,
C.

The Notebook

If you've read this blog for longer than 5 minutes, you'll know that I'm fairly obsessed with using very simple solutions to achieve, eventually, big results. Some of this is because I dislike all the happy horsesh*t and snake-oil we're sold in this society, and some of it is because I started this business while carrying six-figures of law school debt, so I had no choice. One of these days, I might actually find myself being grateful to Sallie Mae for this experience of forced austerity and the lessons it taught me about the human spirit, and how law school was the wind beneath my wings...one of these days indeed, but not today.

Today, I just want to share another strategy for getting out of your own way...hence, the notebook. When trying to create something important, say a new business, or a professional networking strategy which will help you achieve a job/career you love, or write a book, or WHATEVER, one of the most important things you must realize is that if you're not creating the opportunities you need, you're wasting time.

So, in a small business for example, if I'm not generating the business I need...I'm wasting my own time. I might  be doing something that sounds nice on Facebook, but if it won't, directly or indirectly, lead to generating client interest...it's a waste of time. This is something I have to remind myself and clients all the time. That two hours researching ideas for my new website? The website will lead to bigger branding, sponsoring and client-development...those were two hours well spent. They may not immediately bring in cash, but eventually they will. That 45 minutes spent on a conference-call with people who have no idea what they're doing? Might as well watched some "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," since those prospective clients are never going to get their sh*t together. Does that sound cold-blooded? Alas.

Thus, the notebook. I have, off and on, had various notebooks in which I listed, every day, the 5 constructive steps I took every day to achieve whatever goal I was focused on. (Some of you are realizing, with a shudder, that I'm far, FAR, more compulsive than you thought. Thank you! I do try.) At a certain point, the routine action of doing the steps usually takes over and I can put the notebook aside till I'm starting on something else more challenging. I mean, I have to hope that when I'm 85, fer Chrissake, I won't be in a motorized cart, with a notebook in my bra, and a cat named "Mr. Monkey" in the basket, going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell. Though honestly...hold that thought, since that truly might be paradise on earth...hmm.

I'm just sayin'. If you're trying to change something important in your own life, this is a simple yet effective way to get started. Buy a cheap notebook, and commit to every day doing and writing down the 5 positive steps you took that day to get one day closer to your goals. For many of us, knowing we have to write something down will force us to stop procrasturbating and get something real done. The act of accomplishing something significant releases those wonderful chemicals in the brain and you think, "Well...that was awesome. I could do something else." Rinse and repeat. (And yes, on the first day, you can write down buying the notebook as one action if you really want to be that cheesy.)

Want some more help on committing to your goals and getting out of your way? Of course you do! Email me at carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.

xo
C.

Don't Listen to The Fear

In 2007, as I was getting closer to becoming Sallie Mae's bitch graduating from law school, I had a brief period wherein I flirted with the idea of staying at Indiana U for another year and getting my MBA. It wasn't that suddenly, out of the blue, I had decided that I needed, or even wanted, an MBA...it was more me thinking, "Another degree means another year to avoid having to study for the bar and start taking responsibility for this idiotic decision to go to law school in the first place." It was The Fear talking.

But, luckily enough, I had dated two boys(....not entirely at the same time.) at Kelley School of Business and the relationships had ended so badly, that I realized I'd rather deal with the horror of studying for the bar exam, which would at least, eventually, lead to my freedom, than have to ever bump into either one of those men again. (For once, my vagina was on my side. For once.)

Recently, I've been working with a number of clients who weren't so lucky, and for whatever reason, they went ahead and got the dual-degrees. Now, to be clear, I think joint-degrees, are an excellent idea...for the graduate schools and their bank accounts. If I was the dean of some school and never had to face my conscience again, sure, sign up for an extra six-figures of debt when you're 25 and now have degrees in two industries, neither of which you really understand or are even that interested in. Don't mind me; I'll be at my estate in Majorca.

For the people actually graduating with two degrees into our um "Darwinian" economy, I think that those two degrees gives you more opportunities to be glared at suspiciously by HR people who wonder what, if anything, you're really interested in.

I have no doubt that at one time, say during the Interwebs boom, a joint-degree meant another reason for a start-up to hire you and start throwing money and grandiose titles at you. All the people with joint-degrees would be hanging around a cooler filled with champagne, drinking from glasses made of solid gold, while English majors rubbed their feet and spritzed them with perfume. A simpler time. However, back then, people had credit and optimism and they didn't care about things like "experience." Who needs experience when you have credit! Nowadays, virtually no one has credit, and everyone's cranky. Everyone's knitting their own underwear and/or stockpiling for the End of Days. 

My point being...think very carefully before you sign up for that joint-degree. How are you going to use it? How, specifically, is it going to help you?  (If, I swear to god, you say, "Well a law degree is always helpful..." You hear that knocking at your front door? That's me, come to kick your ass. Lay back and think of England; it'll be over soon.) How specifically will having two disparate degrees help you move ahead and get noticed, in whatever industry you're interested in? Will that joint degree define you as someone especially educated and relevant...or as someone caught between two industries? Go ahead and speak to other people, close to your age, who also have joint-degrees and see what they have to say. Don't talk to the person who graduated in 1996 and got a joint-degree, and is now making bank. That guy graduated during an economic boom and he's had 20 years to create his career. You need someone who graduated fairly recently who can attest to specific ways that the extra letters after her name helped her.

I'm just saying, that before you add on that third or fourth degree...there's a lot of living you could be doing instead. You have many options. Don't believe me? Oh, you. Well then email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com and I'll even give you a free consultation to prove how wrong you are. #bonus

xo
C.

The Elements of Gibberish

I know, dear hearts, I know: to some of you, playing along at home, it might appear that since my blogging has dropped off dramatically, I've probably given up on this business and am hiring myself out as a mail-order sister-wife and/or cat-wrangler. While those are, certainly, two tempting offers, let's be honest: 1) I can barely wrangle my own cats and 2) Being a sister-wife makes me think of the worst womyn's studies class ever, with all of us getting our period at the same time and somebody playing Ani DiFranco and no me gusta. Head-wife or nothing.

No. I haven't been blogging because actually this business has been going into over-drive, and also I hired a website designer I adore so, fingers crossed, this September 2013, I'm going to have a brand new beautiful website as this business continues to take over the world help people. #samedifference

Almost as important as hiring a website designer, I hired a talented woman to proofread (and not, hopefully, revenge edit...) my website text, because while spelling is, usually, my thing, my relationship with grammar can be sketchy at best. Grammar and I are kind of only sexting each other; we're not ready to commit. Our status is complicated.

And recently, while reading someone's Tumblr account and realizing I needed a Gibberish-to-English translating app, I was reminded of how excruciating painful it is WHEN PEOPLE WHO CANNOT WRITE WON'T SHUT THE HELL UP. By "cannot write," I don't mean 50 Shades of Grey. No, I mean people who, I presume, think they're writing phonetically but only if their native language is that sound snake-handlers make when they go into a trance. And honestly, considering some of the hot mess I've been witness to, that's truly an insult to snake-handlers everywhere.

I have to assume that most of these people generally don't read. And thus, they don't care. Since they don't read, they don't re-read their own text before posting it and think, "Whoa, did a frustrated demon writing his thesis just take over my mind? What the hell...?" No, stupid people never second-guess themselves, please!  Instead, because they don't read and thus have no standard of knowledge, they smugly post these manifestos, proud of themselves for generously sharing their humble gift with the rest of us. These are the people who, when I consider trying to gently let them in on the secret, demonstrate such pride in their stupidity, and such poorly-disguised contempt for me that I think, "Meh, knock yourself out. Kerouac also hated grammar, spelling, Jews, sobriety... and he did okay...for a while."

 It's like people who don't speak Chinese, or read Chinese, or aren't even really sure what the Chinese language is...but who get those Chinese tattoos. Tattoos that the artist assures them means, "Longevity," or "Bravery," but, I'm convinced, truly translates as "Equity" or "Mortgage Payment." But since these people can't read Chinese, they don't know! 

Anyhoo, all of that rant to say, I hired someone to check my spelling and grammar, so that future clients looking at my soon-to-debut website, will be laughing WITH me, not thinking,"Oh that poor girl. Hmm, maybe single-sex education really is a waste of money." (Spoiler Alert: Ohhhh, I know you did not just say that, punk.)

If the above made you chortle, and now you're thinking that I'd be an excellent choice to help you figure out your professional goals and the realistic strategy to start achieving those goals today...email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation. It's never too late to get started on creating a life you love!

Besos,
C.

Lunch Lessons

Waiting--not long, btw--for my lunch date to show this afternoon, I overheard this conversation between group of businessmen at the table next to mine.
1st guy: "...he was just a mess, man, food all over the place, no napkin! The thought of having that pig in my office, day after day...couldn't do it! Just couldn't do it."
2nd guy: "But before you had lunch, you were going to hire him?"
1st guy: "If you'd seen him, seen the way he ate...such a pig."
3rd guy:" How old was he? Was he just a kid?"
1st guy: "27, maybe 28? Old enough."

Oh my. That is the epitome of no es bueno. Now, I don't post this to make you lovely people freak out, or become anorexics and stop eating in public, but to realize that when you're applying for work, or just generally relating to your network, every single thing counts. You are always presenting, so make sure it's in a favorable light.


Some of you are rolling your eyes at me, thinking, "Ugh, gross, Carlota who cares? Who'd want to work with those people anyway?" Well, that is true. Perhaps that kid dodged a bullet...but so did his prospective office-mates right? Have you ever worked in an office with someone who was a slob...or wasn't fastidious about her personal hygiene...or was so disorganized that he could never complete a project on time? Have you ever tried to make your deadline while covering breaking news with those people? I know that our Judeo-Christian society says that murder is (technically) wrong, but I had quite a few colleagues in TV news whom I felt fairly sure that had I killed them, Jesus would have kind of shrugged and given me a pass. I mean, maybe he would have felt obligated to say: "Okay, you know, everyone gets one...just try not to let it happen again."

Hiring managers want to bring people into their office who will positively promote the company's brand/mission, instead of making their co-workers cringe or stage a palace revolt in anguish. Your social skills are just as important as any other skills, in fact, more important...because if you can't master the social, it's doubtful--especially in our current cut-throat economy--that you'll ever be in a position to demonstrate your other skills. Or, see how effectively "Saturday Night Live" made the point:


http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3479936025/

I nag because I love your potential! Let me know what you think in the comments, or email me at carlotazee@gmail.com. Also, become a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation! 

xo
Carlota