Friday Fun

I'm feeling a little WONDERFUL recently since after years of hard work & magical thinking & yes, some whining, great things are happening to my business, one of which is that Huffington Post just hired me to rant blog on career advice, life, professional potential, dating, sexting, why Will Arnett should show up nude at my front door, cats, cats in wigs, celebutards, etc. etc.! Mother's so proud! You can, and should, check me out on Huff Post here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carlota-zimmerman/the-5-best-free-jobhuntin_b_3697334.html

Also, within a month this blogspot will go the way of all flesh to be replaced by my brand new and quite lovely website...and I hope you'll all come with, since I'll be offering a lot of wonderful webinars and other goodies!

And yes, before I become too famous and start seriously discussing myself in the third person, you can still score a free consultation with me by just becoming a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta." Carlota thinks that's an awesome deal...what are you waiting for??

Besos,
C.

It's All Relevant

Or, at least, that's what we have to tell ourselves about our life experiences, otherwise we head down a dangerous road of deciding certain years were wasted and damning ourselves for being human. I was thinking about this yesterday, during a conversation with a client, who had had some truly amazing adventures in the Former Soviet Union, but was currently expressing serious hesitation about the wisdom of mentioning that period on LinkedIn, saying..."But wasn't it all too long ago?"

 Welp, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be where I am, doing the things I'm able to, and planning my future if it wasn't for the things I did more than 5 minutes ago, i.e. my first job after graduating college. Who knew having furious anchors throw their sandwiches me, and having to call the Kremlin every morning to discreetly ask if Yeltsin was still alive, would present me with so many life lessons? (I need to trademark that sh*t and get on a t-shirt right. Now!)  So, my response to the client was: "It's up to you to present this experience in a way that potential employers can immediately "get" its relevancy." (That made the client roll her eyes, since she was hoping for the easy answer. So was Luke Skywalker and he ended up with his old man cutting his arm off, realizing he had made out with his sister.)

 Not that age-discrimination isn't a real issue. Only in America, would we simultaneously talk about "life experience," and yet seriously want to hire twenty-somethings for executive positions. Then these same companies are shocked, shocked that the kids come to work in flip-flops and blue nail polish and ask aloud who Yoko Ono is. (I have personally witnessed this. Since the person asking the question was a good-looking boy, I kinda brushed aside my outrage...and scruples. Oh well.)

I still stand by my answer. All experience can be relevant for your LinkedIn profile, and thus, by extension, your job-hunt IF you present it in a succinct, intelligible and relevant manner that makes readers of your profile and resume immediately understand what you've done, what you know, and how that knowledge can benefit their company.  So yes, you're going to have to:
1. Invest some time figuring out exactly what type of job you want in what industry;
2. Figure out what skills, education and accomplishments that industry values;
3. Identify the skills, education, experience and contacts you already have that are comparable and relevant;
4. Create a LinkedIn profile and resume that demonstrates your skills, education and accomplishments in a manner intelligible and relevant to said industry.

So, for example, if--dear God--I wanted to punish myself and return to network news, I'd have to completely rewrite my LinkedIn profile as to as focus on the networks I worked for, the jobs I held, the skills I learned ("Whining." "Threatening writers who miss deadlines." "Screaming at field producers." "Hanging up on moronic reporters who ask yet another stupid question while I'm attempting to meet my deadline." ). Thus, I'd build a profile which I could then show to my friends/acquaintances/ deadly rivals in TV news and use to get an interview. On the other hand, I'd gloss over, as much as possible, this period of being self-employed, since I know that it makes corporates antsy. I'd mention this business only as it serves to reinforce the "messages" I'm telling about myself in order to get hired; messages of self-reliance, initiative, intelligence, determination.

My point being, everything can be relevant...if you know what type of job you're after, and what that job entails, and what the industry values. (This, of course, is different from people who despite being in their 40s and 50s, seriously list, on LinkedIn, the jobs they held in high school, selling ice cream or working at a pretzel stand at the mall. I know I'm all about personal responsibility, but these are the people to blame for me going out on a Tuesday and having six margaritas on an empty stomach.)

 Want some help getting your LinkedIn profile relevant and timely and useful? Of course you do! Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.

xo
C.


  

Danger, Carlos Danger!

Aww, I couldn't resist that headline! #sorrynotsorry I almost considered renaming our foster kitten, 'Carlos Danger,' but the kitten has better judgment. Also, he's too smart to be a politician. But since I'm speaking about  not being able to resist one's baser intentions, how about Anthony Weiner, that super classy guy running for NYC Mayor? Weiner, who said when asked about how many inappropriate "relationships," he's had, responded:"Six to ten, I suppose-but I can't tell you absolutely what someone else is going to consider inappropriate or not." http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/anthony-weiner-details-how-many-women-hes-had-online-relationships-with/2013/07/25/c185ad5a-f572-11e2-9434-60440856fadf_story.html

I cannot make this sh*t up.That comment made me chortle bitterly... and then depressed the hell out of me. Um, I'm going to go ahead and suggest that Mr. Weiner can exactly tell us what someone else is going to consider inappropriate, because, let's be frank, he knows exactly what he's doing when he gets involved in one of these "relationships." (Not to mention:the idea that anyone would use the term "relationship" to describe these tawdry online encounters speaks volumes about how lonely we are as a society, and, more significantly, how lonely Mr. Weiner must be with himself. Sexting is not a relationship!) When Anthony Weiner is flirting with yet another woman online, shortly after starting his public mea culpa campaign in People magazine,knowing that he's going to make a run for public office...come on, people! That punk knows exactly how inappropriate and shady he's being. And he relishes it.

Listen, I dislike Weiner because he's a liar, and incompetent, and never did anything for this city even before he first got caught. He was known for press conferences and self-aggrandizing behavior and being a bully...all of these being other sides, obviously, of his tremendous self-loathing. The only person Weiner ever served--and is still serving, I'd argue--is himself. And, I suggest, he's serving himself by deliberately sabotaging himself. Does that sound like gibberish to you? Listen, if you hate yourself, you'll do whatever it takes to destroy yourself.

So when Weiner says he has "no idea" what other people might consider inappropriate, I'd argue that not only does he know--in excruciating detail, by the way--but he must enjoy, in one aspect or another, seeing his private life, his family, his image humiliated so publicly. Inappropriate is as inappropriate does. What a shame. NYC deserves more. (Except for New Yorkers who perform live music on the subway. They deserve the death penalty. Don't even get me started.)

The real inappropriate behavior here, of course, is that Weiner apparently can't give the same commitment to
 figuring himself out, to getting the real, long-term help he so obviously needs, as he is to destroying himself. He's really committed to his pain. Unfortunately, I'm sure they'll continue to be very unhappy together.

If you're interested in figuring out how to stop sabotaging yourself, and instead allow yourself to achieve the  professional success you've always craved, email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

Besos,
C.

The Notebook

If you've read this blog for longer than 5 minutes, you'll know that I'm fairly obsessed with using very simple solutions to achieve, eventually, big results. Some of this is because I dislike all the happy horsesh*t and snake-oil we're sold in this society, and some of it is because I started this business while carrying six-figures of law school debt, so I had no choice. One of these days, I might actually find myself being grateful to Sallie Mae for this experience of forced austerity and the lessons it taught me about the human spirit, and how law school was the wind beneath my wings...one of these days indeed, but not today.

Today, I just want to share another strategy for getting out of your own way...hence, the notebook. When trying to create something important, say a new business, or a professional networking strategy which will help you achieve a job/career you love, or write a book, or WHATEVER, one of the most important things you must realize is that if you're not creating the opportunities you need, you're wasting time.

So, in a small business for example, if I'm not generating the business I need...I'm wasting my own time. I might  be doing something that sounds nice on Facebook, but if it won't, directly or indirectly, lead to generating client interest...it's a waste of time. This is something I have to remind myself and clients all the time. That two hours researching ideas for my new website? The website will lead to bigger branding, sponsoring and client-development...those were two hours well spent. They may not immediately bring in cash, but eventually they will. That 45 minutes spent on a conference-call with people who have no idea what they're doing? Might as well watched some "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," since those prospective clients are never going to get their sh*t together. Does that sound cold-blooded? Alas.

Thus, the notebook. I have, off and on, had various notebooks in which I listed, every day, the 5 constructive steps I took every day to achieve whatever goal I was focused on. (Some of you are realizing, with a shudder, that I'm far, FAR, more compulsive than you thought. Thank you! I do try.) At a certain point, the routine action of doing the steps usually takes over and I can put the notebook aside till I'm starting on something else more challenging. I mean, I have to hope that when I'm 85, fer Chrissake, I won't be in a motorized cart, with a notebook in my bra, and a cat named "Mr. Monkey" in the basket, going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell. Though honestly...hold that thought, since that truly might be paradise on earth...hmm.

I'm just sayin'. If you're trying to change something important in your own life, this is a simple yet effective way to get started. Buy a cheap notebook, and commit to every day doing and writing down the 5 positive steps you took that day to get one day closer to your goals. For many of us, knowing we have to write something down will force us to stop procrasturbating and get something real done. The act of accomplishing something significant releases those wonderful chemicals in the brain and you think, "Well...that was awesome. I could do something else." Rinse and repeat. (And yes, on the first day, you can write down buying the notebook as one action if you really want to be that cheesy.)

Want some more help on committing to your goals and getting out of your way? Of course you do! Email me at carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.

xo
C.

Don't Listen to The Fear

In 2007, as I was getting closer to becoming Sallie Mae's bitch graduating from law school, I had a brief period wherein I flirted with the idea of staying at Indiana U for another year and getting my MBA. It wasn't that suddenly, out of the blue, I had decided that I needed, or even wanted, an MBA...it was more me thinking, "Another degree means another year to avoid having to study for the bar and start taking responsibility for this idiotic decision to go to law school in the first place." It was The Fear talking.

But, luckily enough, I had dated two boys(....not entirely at the same time.) at Kelley School of Business and the relationships had ended so badly, that I realized I'd rather deal with the horror of studying for the bar exam, which would at least, eventually, lead to my freedom, than have to ever bump into either one of those men again. (For once, my vagina was on my side. For once.)

Recently, I've been working with a number of clients who weren't so lucky, and for whatever reason, they went ahead and got the dual-degrees. Now, to be clear, I think joint-degrees, are an excellent idea...for the graduate schools and their bank accounts. If I was the dean of some school and never had to face my conscience again, sure, sign up for an extra six-figures of debt when you're 25 and now have degrees in two industries, neither of which you really understand or are even that interested in. Don't mind me; I'll be at my estate in Majorca.

For the people actually graduating with two degrees into our um "Darwinian" economy, I think that those two degrees gives you more opportunities to be glared at suspiciously by HR people who wonder what, if anything, you're really interested in.

I have no doubt that at one time, say during the Interwebs boom, a joint-degree meant another reason for a start-up to hire you and start throwing money and grandiose titles at you. All the people with joint-degrees would be hanging around a cooler filled with champagne, drinking from glasses made of solid gold, while English majors rubbed their feet and spritzed them with perfume. A simpler time. However, back then, people had credit and optimism and they didn't care about things like "experience." Who needs experience when you have credit! Nowadays, virtually no one has credit, and everyone's cranky. Everyone's knitting their own underwear and/or stockpiling for the End of Days. 

My point being...think very carefully before you sign up for that joint-degree. How are you going to use it? How, specifically, is it going to help you?  (If, I swear to god, you say, "Well a law degree is always helpful..." You hear that knocking at your front door? That's me, come to kick your ass. Lay back and think of England; it'll be over soon.) How specifically will having two disparate degrees help you move ahead and get noticed, in whatever industry you're interested in? Will that joint degree define you as someone especially educated and relevant...or as someone caught between two industries? Go ahead and speak to other people, close to your age, who also have joint-degrees and see what they have to say. Don't talk to the person who graduated in 1996 and got a joint-degree, and is now making bank. That guy graduated during an economic boom and he's had 20 years to create his career. You need someone who graduated fairly recently who can attest to specific ways that the extra letters after her name helped her.

I'm just saying, that before you add on that third or fourth degree...there's a lot of living you could be doing instead. You have many options. Don't believe me? Oh, you. Well then email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com and I'll even give you a free consultation to prove how wrong you are. #bonus

xo
C.

The Elements of Gibberish

I know, dear hearts, I know: to some of you, playing along at home, it might appear that since my blogging has dropped off dramatically, I've probably given up on this business and am hiring myself out as a mail-order sister-wife and/or cat-wrangler. While those are, certainly, two tempting offers, let's be honest: 1) I can barely wrangle my own cats and 2) Being a sister-wife makes me think of the worst womyn's studies class ever, with all of us getting our period at the same time and somebody playing Ani DiFranco and no me gusta. Head-wife or nothing.

No. I haven't been blogging because actually this business has been going into over-drive, and also I hired a website designer I adore so, fingers crossed, this September 2013, I'm going to have a brand new beautiful website as this business continues to take over the world help people. #samedifference

Almost as important as hiring a website designer, I hired a talented woman to proofread (and not, hopefully, revenge edit...) my website text, because while spelling is, usually, my thing, my relationship with grammar can be sketchy at best. Grammar and I are kind of only sexting each other; we're not ready to commit. Our status is complicated.

And recently, while reading someone's Tumblr account and realizing I needed a Gibberish-to-English translating app, I was reminded of how excruciating painful it is WHEN PEOPLE WHO CANNOT WRITE WON'T SHUT THE HELL UP. By "cannot write," I don't mean 50 Shades of Grey. No, I mean people who, I presume, think they're writing phonetically but only if their native language is that sound snake-handlers make when they go into a trance. And honestly, considering some of the hot mess I've been witness to, that's truly an insult to snake-handlers everywhere.

I have to assume that most of these people generally don't read. And thus, they don't care. Since they don't read, they don't re-read their own text before posting it and think, "Whoa, did a frustrated demon writing his thesis just take over my mind? What the hell...?" No, stupid people never second-guess themselves, please!  Instead, because they don't read and thus have no standard of knowledge, they smugly post these manifestos, proud of themselves for generously sharing their humble gift with the rest of us. These are the people who, when I consider trying to gently let them in on the secret, demonstrate such pride in their stupidity, and such poorly-disguised contempt for me that I think, "Meh, knock yourself out. Kerouac also hated grammar, spelling, Jews, sobriety... and he did okay...for a while."

 It's like people who don't speak Chinese, or read Chinese, or aren't even really sure what the Chinese language is...but who get those Chinese tattoos. Tattoos that the artist assures them means, "Longevity," or "Bravery," but, I'm convinced, truly translates as "Equity" or "Mortgage Payment." But since these people can't read Chinese, they don't know! 

Anyhoo, all of that rant to say, I hired someone to check my spelling and grammar, so that future clients looking at my soon-to-debut website, will be laughing WITH me, not thinking,"Oh that poor girl. Hmm, maybe single-sex education really is a waste of money." (Spoiler Alert: Ohhhh, I know you did not just say that, punk.)

If the above made you chortle, and now you're thinking that I'd be an excellent choice to help you figure out your professional goals and the realistic strategy to start achieving those goals today...email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation. It's never too late to get started on creating a life you love!

Besos,
C.

Lunch Lessons

Waiting--not long, btw--for my lunch date to show this afternoon, I overheard this conversation between group of businessmen at the table next to mine.
1st guy: "...he was just a mess, man, food all over the place, no napkin! The thought of having that pig in my office, day after day...couldn't do it! Just couldn't do it."
2nd guy: "But before you had lunch, you were going to hire him?"
1st guy: "If you'd seen him, seen the way he ate...such a pig."
3rd guy:" How old was he? Was he just a kid?"
1st guy: "27, maybe 28? Old enough."

Oh my. That is the epitome of no es bueno. Now, I don't post this to make you lovely people freak out, or become anorexics and stop eating in public, but to realize that when you're applying for work, or just generally relating to your network, every single thing counts. You are always presenting, so make sure it's in a favorable light.


Some of you are rolling your eyes at me, thinking, "Ugh, gross, Carlota who cares? Who'd want to work with those people anyway?" Well, that is true. Perhaps that kid dodged a bullet...but so did his prospective office-mates right? Have you ever worked in an office with someone who was a slob...or wasn't fastidious about her personal hygiene...or was so disorganized that he could never complete a project on time? Have you ever tried to make your deadline while covering breaking news with those people? I know that our Judeo-Christian society says that murder is (technically) wrong, but I had quite a few colleagues in TV news whom I felt fairly sure that had I killed them, Jesus would have kind of shrugged and given me a pass. I mean, maybe he would have felt obligated to say: "Okay, you know, everyone gets one...just try not to let it happen again."

Hiring managers want to bring people into their office who will positively promote the company's brand/mission, instead of making their co-workers cringe or stage a palace revolt in anguish. Your social skills are just as important as any other skills, in fact, more important...because if you can't master the social, it's doubtful--especially in our current cut-throat economy--that you'll ever be in a position to demonstrate your other skills. Or, see how effectively "Saturday Night Live" made the point:


http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3479936025/

I nag because I love your potential! Let me know what you think in the comments, or email me at carlotazee@gmail.com. Also, become a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation! 

xo
Carlota

This.

Rescuing People

Oh, I know. Some of you wonderful kids are giving me That Look, feeling unloved, rolling your eyes, thinking, "Whatever, Carlota, like I don't even care, I was just reading your blog as a favor, gawd! Like TMZ is where I get all my news anyway!" Aww, baby don't be like that, you know I adore you. I have indeed been remiss about my ranting um blogging (#redundant), but that's only because in this business I give clients 100% and giving people 100% takes time.

Some coaches just want to put you through your paces, and get you out the door as they count your money...I'm not like that. Anything good that happens from my coaching happens because of the relationship you and I will create. I know that in order to achieve your highest potential, you need a coach who will be there for you when you're personal life isn't working, or there's drama with your mama, or you just need to talk honestly with someone who cares. Because to be able to position yourself to achieve your potential, you need to get rid of all the issues getting in your way. So I'm in it for the long haul with my clients and that takes time.

Also, not gonna lie: I have this big workshop this Saturday (#hinthint) and I've been preparing for that. So, all in all, I've been wonderfully busy with wonderful people, and this is kind of how I feel right about now:

(despite, being significantly shorter...alas.) But I shouldn't take too much credit: a lot of my joy is due to the wonderful people I get to work with. Obviously, you start a business like this, to help others, because, deep down, you're the one who wants/needs the help. Like how when you rescue cats, you're the one getting rescued. Except the clients, usually, have a lot less cat hair. Usually.

All this to say: 1. I love you guys. 2. I'll be better about blogging. 3. Rescuing cats, and people, is always worth it.

And don't forget: you can still buy tickets, at the door, to my professional career building workshop this Saturday, June 29, 2013, at which I'll tell you everything you need to know about networking your way to your dream career! (Didn't go to IU? No worries, I still think you're cool as sh*t!) http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675/estw 

Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, with any questions, concerns, rants, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

xo
C.

That's a Shame

I'm kind of tardy to the party on this: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/06/nyu-professor-immediately-regrets-fat-shaming.html

 

Bleah. No me gusta. So many reasons I'm against using shame as some kind of "leverage" or inducer to get people to change their habits (#goodluckwiththat). Reasons such as, oh, how about: It doesn't work. It makes people feel like crap about themselves and oh yes, did I mention that, IT DOESN'T WORK!

Also: Who says non-fat people are any better at motivation and discipline? Clearly, some are, some aren't. And, news-flash, some people are highly disciplined AT TIMES and at other times can devour an entire box of Thin Mint cookies. (Not like that's a bad thing.) True story: I personally dated a very toned and trim PhD candidate who, despite his enviable physique, could not dial down the crazy long enough to convince his advisers that he knew what the hell he was doing and that his dissertation should, finally, get approved.

And, as a recovering-anorexic who later tipped the scales at 172 lbs., I think it's pretty obvious that obnoxious tweets like this reflect more about the psyche of the person tweeting, than add anything useful to our national self-destructive obsession with body image AKA hating ourselves. Which is another thing, I don't roll with, as the kids say.

One wonders if the NYU professor was primarily motivated to tweet due to his desire to keep the doctorate within an "exclusive" club of people who were thin, like him, and therefore...desirable? Something about keeping out rabble...?

Who knows? How many of us, professors or not, really know what the hell kind of mishigas is germinating within our psyches at any given time? Which is why, sometimes, you need to step away from social media and take a walk and realize that many people on this planet, NOT JUST YOU, are doing the best they can. On any given day. You're not the only person around, who had a less-than-sterling childhood, so relax and have a little empathy for the rest of us. And before you try "shaming" anyone else, understand that when you share this stupidity with the world, the only person you're truly shaming is, of course, yourself.

All this public shaming of children, for example, by their parents just makes me think that those parents have a great deal of resentment towards their kids. What did they think having kids would be? Kids are crazy. And, I say that with all the love in the world. They're violent, and cranky and melodramatic and tell boring jokes; they have atrocious taste in music and TV shows, and they're horrible conversationalists....and those are the fun kids. (But yes, indeed: the children are our future.) I can't be the only person who worries that all of these shamed and humiliated children are going to grow up to be a new generation of imaginative, self-loathing perverts, can I? Since, last time I checked, internalized shame and self-hatred don't usually turn out all that great...right, Ted Bundy?

If you want shame, hire a dominatrix. (Or, borrow one of my cats.) However, if you want some constructive, fun and highly useful help, email me @carlota@carlotaworldwide.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide C

Besos,

C.

Cruel Summer

Just a "gentle" reminder: If you are currently in the (on-going) process of networking to change or improve your career, you really need to stop procrastinating/whining/crying/ and get started on that TODAY. Because July 4th is right around the corner. Which means that many, if not most, of the people you need to connect with, are soon going to be leaving for vacation, or at least will be unavailable for those informational meetings which can lead to real opportunities. Think about it: When was the last time you wanted to interrupt your vacation, or even stay-cation, or even just getting drunk at 3pm in the afternoon on the sofa (#goodtimes), to help someone else network? Yeah, that would be "never gonna happen, forget it."

Which means that you'll have to re-contact them in the fall, since these people probably won't remember who you are and what you wanted. And then you, dear Jebus, have to start the process ALL over again and somehow attempt to recapture your momentum. Which means if you don't get those emails and calls out TODAY, it could very well be the middle of September and you're still stuck at a job you, to put it mildly, dislike. Not much happy happy joy joy...right? Instead, how about you save both me and you the agony and heartbreak and general tsoursis and DO IT TODAY!
 
Want some help in getting started on this process, or finding the dedication to staying committed to yourself and your goals? Email me @ carlota@carlotaworldwide.com and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation! (That way in September, you can be the smug bastard who enjoys going to work as your friends bitch & moan.#winwin)
 
xo
C. 

You Say ‘Opportunistic,’ Like it’s a Bad Thing

That thought came to me recently, as I was trolling through one of the Facebook pages devoted to my college, Wellesley. A recent graduate was looking for professional advice on how to approach an older person in her industry whom she suspected could be an excellent mentor, but she was leery of appearing, in her own words, "opportunistic." Whoa now. When did opportunism become such a bad thing? I must have missed that memo. I honestly believe that opportunism is one of those words that some people use to make women feel bad about being ambitious. Those people are going to have to try a whole lot harder with me.

I mean, if you think networking, researching and all the hard work that goes into creating the (professional) opportunities you need to succeed are bad, well, I suppose you can stay in your job that you probably loathe but took out of fear. *waving* I’ll miss you. (#noiwont). Because listen: I have six-figures of law school debt, a small business to run and two cats who refuse to work. I enjoy eating every day. I’d rather spend this Christmas in Thailand than Queens. I’ve been rich and I’ve been broke as a joke, and last time I checked, rich was better. 

Also, as a feminist and a humanist, I personally want to live in a world wherein every single person has the opportunities they need to educate themselves and ultimately achieve their fullest potential. That’s my fantasy; humor me. Humor me with the idea of a world wherein all people are well-educated, and well-read and bored by the moronic actions of Kim Kardashian's vagina, but instead wake up in the morning, excited to be the change they want in the world. Some of you are reading this thinking, “Okay, hippie, good luck with that.” Thank you! Are there even hippies left, or are they all making their own craft beer in Brooklyn, and naming their (white) children "Havana" and baking vegan biscuits for their dogs. That's a shame.

No,  I’m just a humanist. I want everyone to have the same opportunities to achieve. So you can call me an opportunist, but I prefer to think of it as a refusal to accept your "No," as my personal final answer.

I’ve never understood people who use "opportunist"in a derogatory manner. Who doesn’t want the opportunity to live your truest, most passionate life on a daily basis? Listen, I spent years working in network news, hating myself for having to cut teases of water-skiing squirrels, as “complex” personalities flubbed their live-shots and threw things at me. Between that repressed memory experience and living in Russia and surviving law school, and being engaged twice, I feel like I’m done my time in hell, thanks.  Now I’d like to use my time left on this planet to help people live their fullest, most authentic lives. So if that makes me an opportunist, i.e. a human begin determined to help you figure out your potential and then create a realistic strategy to bring that potential to fruition…? Well, no sweat, America. Just make sure the check clears. 

Want some real help to figure out how to create the opportunities you need? Of course you do, Sunshine! Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation. 

Besos,

C.

You Gotta Work. Which Sucks. Sorry! #notsorry

Sorry to be so un-sexy and old-fashioned by stressing the benefits of hard work and research, but if you're thinking about changing your professional opportunities, the New York Public Library's online research guides should be your ground zero.http://www.nypl.org/locations/tid/65/research_guides
 
These online guides are 100% and you can access them at home. In bed. You can do a search say, in one of their various online guides industries to find companies and jobs you might be interested in, then start narrowing down that list by location. Take that list and start researching those companies: look for articles written by and about them, their social media footprint (are they on Twitter/LinkedIn/Pinterest/Facebook/Tumble? If so, invest some serious time in reading their posts and seeing what issues they're interested in. Find out who's posting and Google them. Where did they go to school, what issues are they interested in. Seek out connections. Connections =opportunities for you to get your foot in the door.), their personality and their brand. Then, you can start checking for connections: do they have any alumni from your college, grad school, even high school? If so, bingo, you have a way in. Now you can start crafting an introductory email based on your shared connection, as you also tweak your LinkedIn profile & resume to reflect that company's values.

Some of you are popping your gum and rolling your eyes like a teenager being told she isn't leaving the house dressed, or undressed like that, by God, and thinking, "Um, Carlota? Like that sounds like a lot of work." You are correct, my fine-feathered friend. But you know what's even more work: working at a job you hate. BOOM!

Want some more excellent advice? Oh of course you do. Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta" for a free consultation!

Dead Letters

Here's what I don't like about blindly sending off resumes and cover letters to job postings online: ...who says anyone is going to read all your hard work? At this point, you'd have more luck as a boy posting on the 'Men Seeking Women' section of Craigslist. (You'd definitely have more luck as a naked female maid seeking um "watchful" employment. Or, so I hear. What would I know about Craigslist and naked women and maids...says I, looking around my clean hovel. Which, for the record I cleaned myself. Wearing dirty sweatpants. #sexy) But, I digest.

I mean, all that work to create a cover letter and resume and then you're going to send it off to what is, essentially, a dead-letter box. Who's going to read it? I say this as someone who worked for two separate networks which had stated company policy of posting jobs online, only AFTER they had been filled internally. The job listings were posted online strictly for legal purposes. I'm not going to list said networks for my own legal purposes, namely, I have no time, today, to be sued. But if at least two companies do that hot mess, you can bet that many other companies do too, which means: Don't waste your time!

I hear you rolling your eyes and preparing to whine at me, "But Carlota, I need a job, since living with my parents is a fate worse than death for all involved." True. So, how do I think you should get this job? Fine, you can start by looking online to find jobs and hiring companies, to see, essentially, what could be out there, then, when you have a couple of places and positions you're interested in, start seeking out the connections to the jobs and companies you're interested in. These connections are the reasons your resumes will actually read. These connections will act as your advocates since they know how the game is played.

To find these connections, ask EVERYONE you know. Yes, go through your Facebook friends--you use those people for everything else, from free drinks to sex, why not give them the benefit of the doubt and try to actually use that network for something positive? Well, something else positive. Also check out Facebook groups of your college and your high school alumni network. My college, Wellesley (Number one women's college in the nation, thanks for asking!), for example, has Facebook pages devoted to alumni by region, by career and a wide range of personal interests, and I'm sure yours does as well. Have you searched out those those pages, and clicked like and seen what issues are being discussed, and who might know of jobs, and might themselves be hiring? Get to work, hippie.

If you're a recent graduate--within say, the past 1-2 years, you should make some time to visit your alumni office, since they might give you some free counseling; they'll probably have a discount or even give you a free (trial) membership in the alumni association, and that's another great place to look for connections to the companies you're interested in. And when I say, "graduate," I mean both undergrad and grad school. If nothing else, reach out to older alumni for informational meetings. Research the alum in question as well as her company--this is where The Google, as senior citizens call it, is very helpful, and while you should bring along a copy of your resume, don't offer it unless specifically asked. People do love to talk about themselves, and if you have a couple of smart questions, well, young person--Oh my god, how I loathe being old!--you will probably go far. You'll go even farther if you at least offer to pay for the coffee you invited your fellow alumni out to drink. Also, join LinkedIn groups, get on alumni mailing lists and never EVER assume you know whom anyone knows, or what value they bring.

Some of you are audibly gagging and thinking, "I loathed everyone in my high school and college and I don't want to spend one damn minute being nice to those people." Listen, hippie: I didn't even go to my damn law school graduation. I was at Graceland with my boyfriend and his mother. (Don't ask. Long story. Such a mistake. But The King's collection of jumpsuits--because apparently, people in the 1970s were too busy for buttons--almost made up for all the hot sex I WAS NOT HAVING, thanks. Almost.) My college graduation was me wearing a garbage bag over my gown, due to the pouring rain, as Nora Ephron nattered on about how hard it was to date or make crap chick flicks or whatever. I wasn't listening. I had to go to that one because my parents were paying. My point being: Why'd you buy the diploma if you're not going to use the perks? That's kind of like going out on a date with Idris Elba and then, as he starts to undress you with his teeth, you say, "Oh wait, I have to go home and watch old episodes of 'Dr. Who.'" Says no woman EVER!

You paid the money, take the ride: All of those connections are waiting to help you and you're applying to dead-letter boxes online? Seriously? Are you trying to irritate me? Listen, I can irritate myself; I'm a native New Yorker. I'm always vaguely furious about something or other. (Except yesterday when I ran into one of my various and miscellaneous ex-mens and he was with a chick who was old, chubby and never gonna be hot. Ahh, suddenly, I was all sweetness and light.)

On that note, if you want a job, and you're not using all of the connections I listed, and letting those connections bring you to more connections. and more connections and eventually a great job..what's the connection? I don't get it. But if you want to get it--and I know you do--email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation. I promise to be in a wonderful mood. Dammit.

Hot Event!

Because You're Worth It!

Ugh, I'm writing this with a miserable summer cold, gawd, before a very packed Memorial Day weekend kicks off (#sexy), so that's today's excuse for being poopy. Yesterday, it was due to not waking up next to Idris Elba. (Why does that keep happening??) In 5 minutes, it'll be due to this small, orange cat staring daggers at me and (melodically) whining. But, I digest.

I'm also getting ready to give this workshop: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675# which is actually more about how networking is the answer to (almost) everything, and why the onus is on you to create the career you want. $20. Breakfast included. (I'm looking at you, Big Boy. The cats don't have the opposing thumbs to network.)

And in preparing for this workshop, I realized that a big part of networking is thinking that you have something valuable to offer friends and employers, and for you to think that about yourself, you have to value your accomplishments. Which reminded me of a story, Boys and Girls: gather 'round. When I was about 29--so, last year, clearly--I was freelancing at a certain notorious network here in NYC, and getting ready to move to another,somewhat less notorious but rather more incompetent network. (Wait, why did I leave TV again? A simpler time of screaming profanity at writers who missed deadlines, and throwing phones at moron reporters. No, no, I'm not crying, it's just so dusty in my lair.)

Anyhoo, I had been treated very well at Network A, as far as salary, hours and respect went. But because I was 29 and had no idea how the world was (somehow, the liberals at public TV are to blame for this), and having always made bank in TV, I took my lofty status for granted. When I say "lofty," I ain't kidding. I almost came to blows with a staff producer, and he was forced to apologize to me. Ahh, good times: I saved his groveling message and played it at parties. I would have put it on the Jumbotron TV in Times Square had I only had the know-how. Oh, don't give me that look: loving me means loving all of me.

So when I announced I was leaving, and the boss of the assignment desk--who, true story, is now a HUGE name in TV news--asked to meet with me...I didn't think, "Hmm, this guy is not one of your more easy-going people. Pretty tense, in fact. If he wants to meet with me, that's kinda huge. Maybe I should do my hair, and wear a nice suit, and think seriously about staying on here and what sort of long-term goals I might have." Nope. No, no: why the f**k should I have been at all intelligent? I just took it for granted. I took for granted the fact that someone of his magnitude would want to meet with me. Meanwhile, a colleague had shortly announced her resignation, and when she did, my immediate superiors essentially said, " Don't let the door hit you in the ass. Party at my place, b*tches!" But I still never put the pieces together. (Oy vey.)

Long story short, I had my meeting, and because I was a moron, I wouldn't take the salary and opportunity offered me and I went off to Network B where I spent about two years wondering what sort of pro-Nazi child molester I was in my past life, because why else would I end up working overnight for 3 (atrocious) news shows, cutting clips of, I swear to Yahweh, water-skiing squirrels. Eventually, my loves, I went to law school--insert the sound of millions of unemployed law school graduates snorting with bitter knowledge--and drove back and forth across this beautiful country of ours at least three times, with a cat sitting on my lap, and dated some crazy boys, and went to Graceland and started this business and a whole lot of other hot mess happened which I have mercifully forgotten.

But here's my point: Had I just valued all I had achieved in TV news, and how hard I had worked, I might have understood what respect my boss at Network A was showing me. And I would have respected him, and his time, and his offer because I would have respected myself. And maybe I would have left...maybe I wouldn't have. But I would have understood why my boss was treating me like an equal. A privilege he did not grand everyone.

So whenever clients say to me stuff like, "Well, am I supposed to just ask [fill-in-the-blank alumni/co-worker/friend/relative] for a favor?" No, it's not a favor, kiddo, you EARNED it. You showed up, worked hard, gave 100% and this is the way the world works. Read my lips: You are WORTH it!

If this is making you seriously think you should attend my networking workshop on June 29, 2013 for $20...you are correct and you should come on down! You don't even have to be an Indiana University alumni. As long as your checks clear, you're golden. Otherwise, you should like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation and email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, with your thoughts, concerns, rants, the whole enchilada.

Besos,
C.

The Art of Being Unforgettable: How Networking Can Create Any Opportunity

Whatever stage your career is in, from nascent to experienced, your ability to network, to visualize and then realize the professional opportunities you need, will determine how far it, and you, can eventually go. We live in a period of almost unparalleled intellectual freedom and access to anyone, anywhere. The world is getting dramatically smaller, even as our horizons get larger. If there’s a career you want, nowadays, it’s up to you to create it. Excited, yet?

Spend a Saturday morning with Creativity Yenta ™ Carlota Zimmerman learning, step-by-step, exactly how to use all of the talents and resources you already have to create the job you most desperately desire. Topics to be covered include: creating a LinkedIn profile both relevant and helpful to your chosen industry; using social media to generate brand-boosting content; networking both in person and online; why getting that great internship isn’t enough; how and why to network at different stages of your career and why it’s imperative that you just get started. Today. Now. (I'm looking at you, Sunshine.)

http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675# 

Carlota is a graduate of Wellesley College and IUB Maurer School of Law. Before launching her coaching business in 2008, she was a produced playwright. Upon graduating Wellesley, she worked in network news for ABC, CNN, MSNBC and FOX at bureaus in Russia and the United States. As a law student, she served an internship with Sen. Clinton’s immigration department, and clerked for Judge Michael Obus of the NY State Supreme Court.  She has lived and worked in New York, Washington, D.C., Russia, India and China. (Guess how many of the above-mentioned opportunities she networked? Exactly.) Carlota absolutely loves helping her clients change their minds to change their professional lives. She’s somewhat less thrilled to be discussing herself in the third person.  Become a fan of her Facebook page, “Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta,” for a complimentary consultation!