31Ways2GetItStarted™!: January 29, 2013

 Day 29: Be fierce!

Watching the end of last season's "RuPaul's Drag Race," (and then the beginning of this season) at a bar in Brooklyn last night, I was unexpectedly very moved when one of the contestants--Phi Phi O'hara...I think--wept a little and said that," My dad isn't proud of what I'm doing...but I love me."

Oh, parents. True, I am not a parent--...well, at least not tonight!--so far be it for me to judge, but how as a parent can you not want your child to be happy & productive & love herself? The mind boggles.

When I was growing up, I heard a hundred, thousand times, my parents say, "As long as you're happy, we're happy." Silly me took it for granted, thinking all parents say it...apparently not. Apparently many of my friends' & clients' parents made it clear that the kid's role was to make them feel better about themselves and validate them, or to be an emotional punching bad for them to take out all the shit & pain they themselves experienced. Read my lips: THAT. IS. HORSESHIT!

I know that the Talmud says, "To know all is to forgive all," but I'm a bad Jew, and a very cranky Jewrican, so while I want to know all, and I have deep empathy for people's suffering...when you then in turn make your kids feel like shit, when you take your pain out on your children, I suddenly lose all my empathy. I become rageful.

True story: both my parents had very rough childhoods, AND they both made conscious decisions to give me the childhood they were denied. They made choices to become better than what they were handed. Remember that? Remember how that kind of character used to be valued? I am grateful beyond measure for what they gave me. (FYI: All my blessings are theirs; all the mishigas is mine.)

And I promise you: if I had turned out to be a gay man, and was on RuPaul's Drag Race, Mrs. Zimmerman would be in the front row cheering me on...and "borrowing" my caftans, sequined with the Puerto Rican flag. You know when she'd be angry with this b*tch? If this b*tch lost. Then, I'd get 'The Look,' and she say something like: "Really? I raised you better than that. I raised you to be fierce!"

Many very good things have been happening lately--the result of a great deal of very hard work--to me and, by extension, the business, and I realized that a lot of the good things were the direct result of how I was raised. I was extremely fortunate to be raised by parents who wanted me to say, "yes," to life; to know that as long as I was willing to work hard, I could make my (ego-centric) dreams come true and that wanting to grow up and be a writer or poet or plumber/ballerina was fine and totally realistic. They're good people, Mr. and Mrs. Zimmerman. Despite the whole not getting me a pony thing. #maturity

I used to take their attitude for granted--didn't all parents want their children to succeed and live fully...?--until I kept meeting more and more people whose parents seemingly went out of their way to specify for their children all the many, many things they couldn't or shouldn't do.  I can't even tell you how many friends/clients I have, who can remember exactly when and where they were, when their parents first dismissed their dreams. That may sound melodramatic...but people never forget the first time they're told that something they believe in, something which makes them excited to be alive, is foolish or unrealistic. It leaves rather a grim scar. I was lucky; I was raised by parents committed to giving me opportunities...but many people are raised to be hyper-aware of all the restrictions they face. No me gusta!

Therefore, dear hearts, since the world is full of pathetic, cruel, idiots who will take a malicious glee in detailing for you, chapter and verse, all the reasons why your dreams are stupid...well, how about you be the first person to say to yourself that nope, your dreams are extremely worthwhile, thanks. How about you remind yourself that you can be whatever you want when you grow up, as long as you're willing to work hard and commit. After all, it's never too late to be what you might have been. Hard work aside, sounds more fun to me than a lifetime of excuses and feeling crappy.

Want some help with those dreams? I know a hot girl you should email: carlotazee@gmail.com.