Email me!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Because You're Worth It!
Ugh, I'm writing this with a miserable summer cold, gawd, before a very packed Memorial Day weekend kicks off (#sexy), so that's today's excuse for being poopy. Yesterday, it was due to not waking up next to Idris Elba. (Why does that keep happening??) In 5 minutes, it'll be due to this small, orange cat staring daggers at me and (melodically) whining. But, I digest.
I'm also getting ready to give this workshop: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675# which is actually more about how networking is the answer to (almost) everything, and why the onus is on you to create the career you want. $20. Breakfast included. (I'm looking at you, Big Boy. The cats don't have the opposing thumbs to network.)
And in preparing for this workshop, I realized that a big part of networking is thinking that you have something valuable to offer friends and employers, and for you to think that about yourself, you have to value your accomplishments. Which reminded me of a story, Boys and Girls: gather 'round. When I was about 29--so, last year, clearly--I was freelancing at a certain notorious network here in NYC, and getting ready to move to another,somewhat less notorious but rather more incompetent network. (Wait, why did I leave TV again? A simpler time of screaming profanity at writers who missed deadlines, and throwing phones at moron reporters. No, no, I'm not crying, it's just so dusty in my lair.)
Anyhoo, I had been treated very well at Network A, as far as salary, hours and respect went. But because I was 29 and had no idea how the world was (somehow, the liberals at public TV are to blame for this), and having always made bank in TV, I took my lofty status for granted. When I say "lofty," I ain't kidding. I almost came to blows with a staff producer, and he was forced to apologize to me. Ahh, good times: I saved his groveling message and played it at parties. I would have put it on the Jumbotron TV in Times Square had I only had the know-how. Oh, don't give me that look: loving me means loving all of me.
So when I announced I was leaving, and the boss of the assignment desk--who, true story, is now a HUGE name in TV news--asked to meet with me...I didn't think, "Hmm, this guy is not one of your more easy-going people. Pretty tense, in fact. If he wants to meet with me, that's kinda huge. Maybe I should do my hair, and wear a nice suit, and think seriously about staying on here and what sort of long-term goals I might have." Nope. No, no: why the f**k should I have been at all intelligent? I just took it for granted. I took for granted the fact that someone of his magnitude would want to meet with me. Meanwhile, a colleague had shortly announced her resignation, and when she did, my immediate superiors essentially said, " Don't let the door hit you in the ass. Party at my place, b*tches!" But I still never put the pieces together. (Oy vey.)
Long story short, I had my meeting, and because I was a moron, I wouldn't take the salary and opportunity offered me and I went off to Network B where I spent about two years wondering what sort of pro-Nazi child molester I was in my past life, because why else would I end up working overnight for 3 (atrocious) news shows, cutting clips of, I swear to Yahweh, water-skiing squirrels. Eventually, my loves, I went to law school--insert the sound of millions of unemployed law school graduates snorting with bitter knowledge--and drove back and forth across this beautiful country of ours at least three times, with a cat sitting on my lap, and dated some crazy boys, and went to Graceland and started this business and a whole lot of other hot mess happened which I have mercifully forgotten.
But here's my point: Had I just valued all I had achieved in TV news, and how hard I had worked, I might have understood what respect my boss at Network A was showing me. And I would have respected him, and his time, and his offer because I would have respected myself. And maybe I would have left...maybe I wouldn't have. But I would have understood why my boss was treating me like an equal. A privilege he did not grand everyone.
So whenever clients say to me stuff like, "Well, am I supposed to just ask [fill-in-the-blank alumni/co-worker/friend/relative] for a favor?" No, it's not a favor, kiddo, you EARNED it. You showed up, worked hard, gave 100% and this is the way the world works. Read my lips: You are WORTH it!
If this is making you seriously think you should attend my networking workshop on June 29, 2013 for $20...you are correct and you should come on down! You don't even have to be an Indiana University alumni. As long as your checks clear, you're golden. Otherwise, you should like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation and email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, with your thoughts, concerns, rants, the whole enchilada.
Besos,
C.
I'm also getting ready to give this workshop: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675# which is actually more about how networking is the answer to (almost) everything, and why the onus is on you to create the career you want. $20. Breakfast included. (I'm looking at you, Big Boy. The cats don't have the opposing thumbs to network.)
And in preparing for this workshop, I realized that a big part of networking is thinking that you have something valuable to offer friends and employers, and for you to think that about yourself, you have to value your accomplishments. Which reminded me of a story, Boys and Girls: gather 'round. When I was about 29--so, last year, clearly--I was freelancing at a certain notorious network here in NYC, and getting ready to move to another,somewhat less notorious but rather more incompetent network. (Wait, why did I leave TV again? A simpler time of screaming profanity at writers who missed deadlines, and throwing phones at moron reporters. No, no, I'm not crying, it's just so dusty in my lair.)
Anyhoo, I had been treated very well at Network A, as far as salary, hours and respect went. But because I was 29 and had no idea how the world was (somehow, the liberals at public TV are to blame for this), and having always made bank in TV, I took my lofty status for granted. When I say "lofty," I ain't kidding. I almost came to blows with a staff producer, and he was forced to apologize to me. Ahh, good times: I saved his groveling message and played it at parties. I would have put it on the Jumbotron TV in Times Square had I only had the know-how. Oh, don't give me that look: loving me means loving all of me.
So when I announced I was leaving, and the boss of the assignment desk--who, true story, is now a HUGE name in TV news--asked to meet with me...I didn't think, "Hmm, this guy is not one of your more easy-going people. Pretty tense, in fact. If he wants to meet with me, that's kinda huge. Maybe I should do my hair, and wear a nice suit, and think seriously about staying on here and what sort of long-term goals I might have." Nope. No, no: why the f**k should I have been at all intelligent? I just took it for granted. I took for granted the fact that someone of his magnitude would want to meet with me. Meanwhile, a colleague had shortly announced her resignation, and when she did, my immediate superiors essentially said, " Don't let the door hit you in the ass. Party at my place, b*tches!" But I still never put the pieces together. (Oy vey.)
Long story short, I had my meeting, and because I was a moron, I wouldn't take the salary and opportunity offered me and I went off to Network B where I spent about two years wondering what sort of pro-Nazi child molester I was in my past life, because why else would I end up working overnight for 3 (atrocious) news shows, cutting clips of, I swear to Yahweh, water-skiing squirrels. Eventually, my loves, I went to law school--insert the sound of millions of unemployed law school graduates snorting with bitter knowledge--and drove back and forth across this beautiful country of ours at least three times, with a cat sitting on my lap, and dated some crazy boys, and went to Graceland and started this business and a whole lot of other hot mess happened which I have mercifully forgotten.
But here's my point: Had I just valued all I had achieved in TV news, and how hard I had worked, I might have understood what respect my boss at Network A was showing me. And I would have respected him, and his time, and his offer because I would have respected myself. And maybe I would have left...maybe I wouldn't have. But I would have understood why my boss was treating me like an equal. A privilege he did not grand everyone.
So whenever clients say to me stuff like, "Well, am I supposed to just ask [fill-in-the-blank alumni/co-worker/friend/relative] for a favor?" No, it's not a favor, kiddo, you EARNED it. You showed up, worked hard, gave 100% and this is the way the world works. Read my lips: You are WORTH it!
If this is making you seriously think you should attend my networking workshop on June 29, 2013 for $20...you are correct and you should come on down! You don't even have to be an Indiana University alumni. As long as your checks clear, you're golden. Otherwise, you should like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation and email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, with your thoughts, concerns, rants, the whole enchilada.
Besos,
C.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
The Art of Being Unforgettable: How Networking Can Create Any Opportunity
Whatever stage your career is in, from nascent to
experienced, your ability to network, to visualize and then realize the
professional opportunities you need, will determine how far it, and you, can
eventually go. We live in a period of almost unparalleled intellectual freedom
and access to anyone, anywhere. The world is getting dramatically smaller, even
as our horizons get larger. If there’s a career you want, nowadays, it’s up to
you to create it. Excited, yet?
Spend a Saturday morning with Creativity Yenta ™ Carlota
Zimmerman learning, step-by-step, exactly how to use all of the talents and
resources you already have to create the job you most desperately desire.
Topics to be covered include: creating a LinkedIn profile both relevant and
helpful to your chosen industry; using social media to generate brand-boosting
content; networking both in person and online; why getting that great
internship isn’t enough; how and why to network at different stages of your career
and why it’s imperative that you just get started. Today. Now. (I'm looking at you, Sunshine.)
Carlota is a graduate of Wellesley College and IUB Maurer
School of Law. Before launching her coaching business in 2008, she was a
produced playwright. Upon graduating Wellesley, she worked in network news for
ABC, CNN, MSNBC and FOX at bureaus in Russia and the United States. As a law
student, she served an internship with Sen. Clinton’s immigration department,
and clerked for Judge Michael Obus of the NY State Supreme Court. She has lived and worked in New York,
Washington, D.C., Russia, India and China. (Guess how many of the above-mentioned
opportunities she networked? Exactly.) Carlota absolutely loves helping her
clients change their minds to change their professional lives. She’s somewhat
less thrilled to be discussing herself in the third person. Become a fan of her Facebook page, “Carlotaworldwide
Creativity Yenta,” for a complimentary consultation!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
You Belong Here
I'm going to keep this short because my vodka & grapefruit & vodka cocktail is perfectly iced and I'm feeling pretty good for a Tuesday.
But when I regularly come up against this stupid idea that networking is somehow "using" people, and it's "weird" or too much work...I cannot be silent. That sh*t is not okay! (That's, by the way, the exact same noble outrage I feel when I go to a birthday party and the cupcakes are made of carrot cake....and the terrorists win. Carrot cake is not okay!)
Networking is what humans do. Networking, as in exchanging information, as in making connections based on shared histories, shared experienced, a shared love of Steve McQueen movies, for example, is normal...it's what. People. Do! Anyone who tells you that they didn't network their way into their current job is either 1) lying or 2) has a crappy job he/she hates anyway, so why are you listening to them, when my cocktail is getting warm!
It seriously boggles my brain how many people would seemingly rather send off hundreds of resumes to essentially dead-letter boxes, than work through their LinkedIn connections, or their Facebook friends. I almost have to wonder: do these people think they don't deserve the opportunities they so badly desire? Because they're wasting their time! And these very same people get all bent out of shape when you suggest, well hey, you have 870 f**king Facebook friends; maybe instead of playing Candy Crush with them and misquoting Kanye, maybe you have a couple of intelligent email exchanges and see how you could help each other.
And, P.S., Sunshine: everyone successful networks. The Pope, fer Chrissake, networks to be named the Pope! He's not answering an ad on Monster.com or Craigslist. Why did your parents go into debt for your college education? I mean, besides the guilt and their desire to get you out of the house. They wanted you to have access to a network which could give you lifelong opportunities! A network you are already a part of. A network you belong to.
Maybe the problem is that so many people feel that they have nothing to offer...because they see so little in themselves, I wonder? I don't like that. That sh*t is not okay. You're as important as anyone else in your alumni network, for example. And when you understand that, then you'll also understand that you're not using anyone, you're offering them a gift: the gift of all the talent you uniquely bring to the table.
I'm going to enjoy this cocktail, but you should feel free to email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, if you want some help figuring out how best to network yourself to create any opportunity you desire. Become a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.
Besos,
C.
But when I regularly come up against this stupid idea that networking is somehow "using" people, and it's "weird" or too much work...I cannot be silent. That sh*t is not okay! (That's, by the way, the exact same noble outrage I feel when I go to a birthday party and the cupcakes are made of carrot cake....and the terrorists win. Carrot cake is not okay!)
Networking is what humans do. Networking, as in exchanging information, as in making connections based on shared histories, shared experienced, a shared love of Steve McQueen movies, for example, is normal...it's what. People. Do! Anyone who tells you that they didn't network their way into their current job is either 1) lying or 2) has a crappy job he/she hates anyway, so why are you listening to them, when my cocktail is getting warm!
It seriously boggles my brain how many people would seemingly rather send off hundreds of resumes to essentially dead-letter boxes, than work through their LinkedIn connections, or their Facebook friends. I almost have to wonder: do these people think they don't deserve the opportunities they so badly desire? Because they're wasting their time! And these very same people get all bent out of shape when you suggest, well hey, you have 870 f**king Facebook friends; maybe instead of playing Candy Crush with them and misquoting Kanye, maybe you have a couple of intelligent email exchanges and see how you could help each other.
And, P.S., Sunshine: everyone successful networks. The Pope, fer Chrissake, networks to be named the Pope! He's not answering an ad on Monster.com or Craigslist. Why did your parents go into debt for your college education? I mean, besides the guilt and their desire to get you out of the house. They wanted you to have access to a network which could give you lifelong opportunities! A network you are already a part of. A network you belong to.
Maybe the problem is that so many people feel that they have nothing to offer...because they see so little in themselves, I wonder? I don't like that. That sh*t is not okay. You're as important as anyone else in your alumni network, for example. And when you understand that, then you'll also understand that you're not using anyone, you're offering them a gift: the gift of all the talent you uniquely bring to the table.
I'm going to enjoy this cocktail, but you should feel free to email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, if you want some help figuring out how best to network yourself to create any opportunity you desire. Become a fan of my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.
Besos,
C.
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Joys of Networking
I'm being both ironic and realistic with that title, since despite all the networking I do, in a variety of ways, I don't always love it. For example, I had to force myself to attend a big networking event in NYC last night, that, naturally turned out awesome...and I'm not even referring to the open bar. Though that was also awesome.
But yesterday afternoon, I mentioned to a client I was going to this event and she said something like, "I'll bet you go and talk to like 15 people...right?" Insert here a mental image of my eyebrow moving into my hairline. 15 people?? I'm going to a professional networking event, not doing drugs at an all-night rave in a deserted warehouse! Christ, I've gone to birthday parties of people I've known since like the second grade, and still only spoken to about 5 of them! If I'm talking to 15 people at one event, you'll know that my cult is getting ready to drink the Kool-Aid, as the ATF starts fire-bombing the bunker.
Let's all be realistic. Networking is tiresome; it's hard, it takes time and it's a process. It's a process of
being real with ourselves and others, of making emotional connections, of helping others...it's a damn long process! People have these crazy ideas that other people like networking, or that other people find it easy, or that networking should be easy and so they freak themselves out, and build up these events into some kind of closing credits to a John Hughes film. Then, when they really go to an event, and maybe speak to only 2-3 people and don't have a job in 5 minutes, they're pissed and frustrated and say, "Well, I networked once. It didn't work."
No, you didn't work it. You have to go to these events with a realistic, yet upbeat attitude. You have to smile at everyone, wear something clean and professional, bring business cards and, crucially: know what you are selling. Why are you at this event? (If you say, "to hook-up," I swear to god...) What are you looking for? If you're looking for a job, what kind of job, in what industry, and what do you have to offer? Have you researched the guest list and mentally prepared a list of whom you should speak to and why? Have you cleaned up your LinkedIn profile, and general social media footprint, so when people Google you, they don't see you doing naked drunk keg-stands? ( Btw: up top, bro!) Do you have an elevator pitch?
Sigh. Some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, "Ugh, Carlota, that sounds like a lot of work." Okay...but this is your life. Aren't you worth it? Aren't your goals worth the work? Isn't a life spent doing interesting things which use the best of what you have to offer worth it? (PS: I think you can still work a drunken keg-stand or 100 into that mix. I'm not a tyrant.)
Want some help getting your mind right for networking? Damn right you do! Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!
Besos,
C.
But yesterday afternoon, I mentioned to a client I was going to this event and she said something like, "I'll bet you go and talk to like 15 people...right?" Insert here a mental image of my eyebrow moving into my hairline. 15 people?? I'm going to a professional networking event, not doing drugs at an all-night rave in a deserted warehouse! Christ, I've gone to birthday parties of people I've known since like the second grade, and still only spoken to about 5 of them! If I'm talking to 15 people at one event, you'll know that my cult is getting ready to drink the Kool-Aid, as the ATF starts fire-bombing the bunker.
Let's all be realistic. Networking is tiresome; it's hard, it takes time and it's a process. It's a process of
being real with ourselves and others, of making emotional connections, of helping others...it's a damn long process! People have these crazy ideas that other people like networking, or that other people find it easy, or that networking should be easy and so they freak themselves out, and build up these events into some kind of closing credits to a John Hughes film. Then, when they really go to an event, and maybe speak to only 2-3 people and don't have a job in 5 minutes, they're pissed and frustrated and say, "Well, I networked once. It didn't work."
No, you didn't work it. You have to go to these events with a realistic, yet upbeat attitude. You have to smile at everyone, wear something clean and professional, bring business cards and, crucially: know what you are selling. Why are you at this event? (If you say, "to hook-up," I swear to god...) What are you looking for? If you're looking for a job, what kind of job, in what industry, and what do you have to offer? Have you researched the guest list and mentally prepared a list of whom you should speak to and why? Have you cleaned up your LinkedIn profile, and general social media footprint, so when people Google you, they don't see you doing naked drunk keg-stands? ( Btw: up top, bro!) Do you have an elevator pitch?
Sigh. Some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, "Ugh, Carlota, that sounds like a lot of work." Okay...but this is your life. Aren't you worth it? Aren't your goals worth the work? Isn't a life spent doing interesting things which use the best of what you have to offer worth it? (PS: I think you can still work a drunken keg-stand or 100 into that mix. I'm not a tyrant.)
Want some help getting your mind right for networking? Damn right you do! Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!
Besos,
C.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
My Rant to the Graduates
Oh, let's just be honest shall we? I'm going to admit that on this forum, I'm usually ranting, not speech-ifying. I kind of feel like the Hugo Chavez of coaching...except that I have an actual working sense of humor. On the other hand, I don't have a palace guard. Again I say that life isn't fair. But, I digest.
Right around now, hundreds of thousands of people are graduating from various academic institutions in this great nation of ours...and freaking the f**k out, as they contemplate getting a job with a degree in business tourism. (FYI: That is a real thing. Then again, so is John Boener so what do I know, right?) Before I get a ton of hate mail...1) I used to answer the phone on the FOX News assignment desk so please, I've heard it all. #bringit 2) I was a history major, with a focus on Russian Area Studies, so I know allll about the joys of having a "relevant" degree. I also know what it's like to be graduating, and to be so excited to escape into the real world, while still feeling absolutely terrified by this thing called "being independent, and financially responsible and acting like an adult." Yeah... know what I did? I moved to Russia and ended up working in TV news. TV news, a business in which maturity is not only over-rated, it's a liability. Memories...!
Of course now, in 2013, the Moscow bureau that I worked at is probably a strip-club, so you have to take a different path.Today graduates are constantly besieged with the advice that they have to create the jobs they want. Okay, that's true...but considering that many 40somethings have no realistic idea how to do this, I just want to take a moment and tell the class of 2013 that it's okay to be terrified, and that you'll all be okay. I promise. The biggest hurdle you have to get over is your fear about doing the "right thing," and just take intelligent, logical steps and be realistic. (Insert here bitter laughter from millions of grads in debt to their eyeballs to get a degree in sociology.) Welp, it's never too late to start...right? Right.
1. "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -Amelia Earhart
Okay, so maybe her sense of direction wasn't fantastic, but when it comes to getting to the nitty-gritty, she's damn accurate. You just graduated. If there's something interesting or important you want to do...just start doing it. You don't know how? You'll figure it out as you go along. On the other hand, if you wait for the perfect time, or for someone's approval, or for someone else to help you figure out what you want to do...meh, not so much. And seriously: what do you have to lose?
I moved to Russia, for example, because I wanted to know if I could create a life in a foreign country, and in a foreign language. I was probably only mildly terrified...but I did it. It wasn't always pretty, it wasn't always fun...but it was always memorable. The knowledge that I was able to move to Russia, and live and work in a foreign language, has helped me to achieve many other things. On the other hand, if I hadn't gone to Russia, I would have given into Fear...and Fear doesn't just want part of you, it wants to own you. Fear is a very powerful enemy.
So if there's something you want to do, listen to me carefully: GO DO IT! Just get started. Talk to people, research things, go to the library, ask your fellow alumni, listen to your inner voice...TRUST YOURSELF. I frequently have clients tell me, "Carlota, you're so awesome," and while that is very extremely true, it's not so much that I was especially awesome, but that I took their dreams seriously.
You want to do something: commit to your dreams, and commit to yourself.
2. Relax.
You just graduated college, you have no idea what you want to do in life, you're still figuring yourself out...on the other hand, you can still drink till dawn, sweat it out on the treadmill and feel fantastic in the am.
People are so hung up on doing everything right, they seem to forget that life is about experiencing things and experience means making mistakes. I dated many boys I shouldn't have. I adopted quite a few cats who didn't "get" me. I've wasted far too much time watching "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
I regret nothing.
Your whole life is ahead of you, wonderful and exciting times...what are you waiting for, what are you worried about? The best is yet to come.
Before you give me that side-eye, maybe you should email me @carlotazee@gmail.com? And become a fan of my Facebook page," Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!
Besos,
C.
Right around now, hundreds of thousands of people are graduating from various academic institutions in this great nation of ours...and freaking the f**k out, as they contemplate getting a job with a degree in business tourism. (FYI: That is a real thing. Then again, so is John Boener so what do I know, right?) Before I get a ton of hate mail...1) I used to answer the phone on the FOX News assignment desk so please, I've heard it all. #bringit 2) I was a history major, with a focus on Russian Area Studies, so I know allll about the joys of having a "relevant" degree. I also know what it's like to be graduating, and to be so excited to escape into the real world, while still feeling absolutely terrified by this thing called "being independent, and financially responsible and acting like an adult." Yeah... know what I did? I moved to Russia and ended up working in TV news. TV news, a business in which maturity is not only over-rated, it's a liability. Memories...!
Of course now, in 2013, the Moscow bureau that I worked at is probably a strip-club, so you have to take a different path.Today graduates are constantly besieged with the advice that they have to create the jobs they want. Okay, that's true...but considering that many 40somethings have no realistic idea how to do this, I just want to take a moment and tell the class of 2013 that it's okay to be terrified, and that you'll all be okay. I promise. The biggest hurdle you have to get over is your fear about doing the "right thing," and just take intelligent, logical steps and be realistic. (Insert here bitter laughter from millions of grads in debt to their eyeballs to get a degree in sociology.) Welp, it's never too late to start...right? Right.
1. "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -Amelia Earhart
Okay, so maybe her sense of direction wasn't fantastic, but when it comes to getting to the nitty-gritty, she's damn accurate. You just graduated. If there's something interesting or important you want to do...just start doing it. You don't know how? You'll figure it out as you go along. On the other hand, if you wait for the perfect time, or for someone's approval, or for someone else to help you figure out what you want to do...meh, not so much. And seriously: what do you have to lose?
I moved to Russia, for example, because I wanted to know if I could create a life in a foreign country, and in a foreign language. I was probably only mildly terrified...but I did it. It wasn't always pretty, it wasn't always fun...but it was always memorable. The knowledge that I was able to move to Russia, and live and work in a foreign language, has helped me to achieve many other things. On the other hand, if I hadn't gone to Russia, I would have given into Fear...and Fear doesn't just want part of you, it wants to own you. Fear is a very powerful enemy.
So if there's something you want to do, listen to me carefully: GO DO IT! Just get started. Talk to people, research things, go to the library, ask your fellow alumni, listen to your inner voice...TRUST YOURSELF. I frequently have clients tell me, "Carlota, you're so awesome," and while that is very extremely true, it's not so much that I was especially awesome, but that I took their dreams seriously.
You want to do something: commit to your dreams, and commit to yourself.
2. Relax.
You just graduated college, you have no idea what you want to do in life, you're still figuring yourself out...on the other hand, you can still drink till dawn, sweat it out on the treadmill and feel fantastic in the am.
People are so hung up on doing everything right, they seem to forget that life is about experiencing things and experience means making mistakes. I dated many boys I shouldn't have. I adopted quite a few cats who didn't "get" me. I've wasted far too much time watching "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
I regret nothing.
Your whole life is ahead of you, wonderful and exciting times...what are you waiting for, what are you worried about? The best is yet to come.
Before you give me that side-eye, maybe you should email me @carlotazee@gmail.com? And become a fan of my Facebook page," Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!
Besos,
C.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Help Yourself
It's a beautiful day in NYC...and I'm inside blogging. Such is my commitment to you people. Well, also I'm not going to lie; I have a date tonight and I need, desperately, to invest some time in cleaning up my hovel. Otherwise, this boy is going to walk into my place, thinking: "Did the Tenement Museum re-locate to Queens?" Ha, I kid! (On the other hand, knowing men, let's face it: the apartment could be on fire, and he'd probably shrug and say something like, "Baby, shouldn't you take off your top, bra and panties?" Me: "Good idea! I'll use them to stamp out the flames!" Him: "Um, sure, that too...I guess.")
Anyways. I was out running this morning in my area, and I passed by a local liquor store (Shut up.). I noticed that on the chalk board outside the store, they had a verse from the Bible about tough times being an opportunity to build character. Meanwhile,on the front of the store was a sign reading, "Like us on Facebook for 5% off." Whoa baby, 5 whole percent, hold me back!
I'm not one for reading the Bible much--I did however read that one issue of Playboy, back in the late 1980s which featured an interview/pictorial with Jessica Hahn. That should count for something.--but even I think that the Good Book features at least one verse/caption/Instagram about God helping those who help themselves. Though perhaps what should have been added to that sentence is"...those who help themselves intelligently." (I blame his copy-editor; revenge editing and all that.)
Here you've got a decent liquor store, doing okay, not fantastically, and instead of working to improve their prospects by researching their clients and offering a legitimate discount, or free mixology courses, or tips on which wine to serve with food (short answer: yes.), instead of doing anything intelligently, they're offering a one-time bullsh*t discount of 5% when you like their page. I assume the Facebook page in question is strewn with biblical verse about how suffering is good for the soul. Sigh. Listen: your inability to run a competent business is not Jesus' fault; give a brother a break. He's got enough on his hands with Kim K being pregnant and Congress and mediocre rappers giving him shout-outs.
And I'm not adverse to the character-building properties of suffering. But I am strongly adverse to watching people pretend to solve their problems with the same kind of half-assed "thinking" which got them into the situation in the first place. How exactly is that supposed to work? Why offer a 5% discount, when you could offer a one-time 50% discount, and on-going classes, workshops, resources and a general commitment to the neighborhood? Why offer such a nothing discount, demonstrating your indifference to your customers, when you could make your store into a mecca for all things alcoholic? All I can assume is that, on a certain level, you don't really want your business to succeed, because you're more committed to your suffering than acquiring any type of business acumen. Hence the melodramatic verses regarding the "power" of suffering. Okey-dokey.
You suffer, I'm going to continue to buy my booze at the neighborhood store which gives great discounts, and has a hilarious guy on staff who is always creating new drinks, and offers free classes. They've even started delivering. To paraphrase St. Augustine, "God make me good, but maybe not right now. Let's get through the weekend first."
Want some creative, no-nonsense solutions to truly solve your problems? Of course you do! Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.
Besos,
C.
Anyways. I was out running this morning in my area, and I passed by a local liquor store (Shut up.). I noticed that on the chalk board outside the store, they had a verse from the Bible about tough times being an opportunity to build character. Meanwhile,on the front of the store was a sign reading, "Like us on Facebook for 5% off." Whoa baby, 5 whole percent, hold me back!
I'm not one for reading the Bible much--I did however read that one issue of Playboy, back in the late 1980s which featured an interview/pictorial with Jessica Hahn. That should count for something.--but even I think that the Good Book features at least one verse/caption/Instagram about God helping those who help themselves. Though perhaps what should have been added to that sentence is"...those who help themselves intelligently." (I blame his copy-editor; revenge editing and all that.)
Here you've got a decent liquor store, doing okay, not fantastically, and instead of working to improve their prospects by researching their clients and offering a legitimate discount, or free mixology courses, or tips on which wine to serve with food (short answer: yes.), instead of doing anything intelligently, they're offering a one-time bullsh*t discount of 5% when you like their page. I assume the Facebook page in question is strewn with biblical verse about how suffering is good for the soul. Sigh. Listen: your inability to run a competent business is not Jesus' fault; give a brother a break. He's got enough on his hands with Kim K being pregnant and Congress and mediocre rappers giving him shout-outs.
And I'm not adverse to the character-building properties of suffering. But I am strongly adverse to watching people pretend to solve their problems with the same kind of half-assed "thinking" which got them into the situation in the first place. How exactly is that supposed to work? Why offer a 5% discount, when you could offer a one-time 50% discount, and on-going classes, workshops, resources and a general commitment to the neighborhood? Why offer such a nothing discount, demonstrating your indifference to your customers, when you could make your store into a mecca for all things alcoholic? All I can assume is that, on a certain level, you don't really want your business to succeed, because you're more committed to your suffering than acquiring any type of business acumen. Hence the melodramatic verses regarding the "power" of suffering. Okey-dokey.
You suffer, I'm going to continue to buy my booze at the neighborhood store which gives great discounts, and has a hilarious guy on staff who is always creating new drinks, and offers free classes. They've even started delivering. To paraphrase St. Augustine, "God make me good, but maybe not right now. Let's get through the weekend first."
Want some creative, no-nonsense solutions to truly solve your problems? Of course you do! Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.
Besos,
C.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)