My Rant to the Graduates

Oh, let's just be honest shall we? I'm going to admit that on this forum, I'm usually ranting, not speech-ifying. I kind of feel like the Hugo Chavez of coaching...except that I have an actual working sense of humor. On the other hand, I don't have a palace guard. Again I say that life isn't fair. But, I digest.

Right around now, hundreds of thousands of people are graduating from various academic institutions in this great nation of ours...and freaking the f**k out, as they contemplate getting a job with a degree in business tourism. (FYI: That is a real thing. Then again, so is John Boener so what do I know, right?) Before I get a ton of hate mail...1) I used to answer the phone on the FOX News assignment desk so please, I've heard it all. #bringit 2) I was a history major, with a focus on Russian Area Studies, so I know allll about the joys of having a "relevant" degree. I also know what it's like to be graduating, and to be so excited to escape into the real world, while still feeling absolutely terrified by this thing called "being independent, and financially responsible and acting like an adult." Yeah... know what I did? I moved to Russia and ended up working in TV news. TV news, a business in which maturity is not only over-rated, it's a liability. Memories...!

Of course now, in 2013, the Moscow bureau that I worked at is probably a strip-club, so you have to take a different path.Today graduates are constantly besieged with the advice that they have to create the jobs they want. Okay, that's true...but considering that many 40somethings have no realistic idea how to do this, I just want to take a moment and tell the class of 2013 that it's okay to be terrified, and that you'll all be okay. I promise. The biggest hurdle you have to get over is your fear about doing the "right thing," and just take intelligent, logical steps and be realistic. (Insert here bitter laughter from millions of grads in debt to their eyeballs to get a degree in sociology.) Welp, it's never too late to start...right? Right.

1. "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -Amelia Earhart

Okay, so maybe her sense of direction wasn't fantastic, but when it comes to getting to the nitty-gritty, she's damn accurate. You just graduated. If there's something interesting or important you want to do...just start doing it. You don't know how? You'll figure it out as you go along. On the other hand, if you wait for the perfect time, or for someone's approval, or for someone else to help you figure out what you want to do...meh, not so much. And seriously: what do you have to lose?

I moved to Russia, for example, because I wanted to know if I could create a life in a foreign country, and in a foreign language. I was probably only mildly terrified...but I did it. It wasn't always pretty, it wasn't always fun...but it was always memorable. The knowledge that I was able to move to Russia, and live and work in a foreign language, has helped me to achieve many other things.  On the other hand, if I hadn't gone to Russia, I would have given into Fear...and Fear doesn't just want part of you, it wants to own you. Fear is a very powerful enemy.

So if there's something you want to do, listen to me carefully: GO DO IT! Just get started. Talk to people, research things, go to the library, ask your fellow alumni, listen to your inner voice...TRUST YOURSELF. I frequently have clients tell me, "Carlota, you're so awesome," and while that is very extremely true, it's not so much that I was especially awesome, but that I took their dreams seriously.

You want to do something: commit to your dreams, and commit to yourself.

2. Relax.

You just graduated college, you have no idea what you want to do in life, you're still figuring yourself out...on the other hand, you can still drink till dawn, sweat it out on the treadmill and feel fantastic in the am.

People are so hung up on doing everything right, they seem to forget that life is about experiencing things and experience means making mistakes. I dated many boys I shouldn't have. I adopted quite a few cats who didn't "get" me. I've wasted far too much time watching "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."

I regret nothing.

Your whole life is ahead of you, wonderful and exciting times...what are you waiting for, what are you worried about? The best is yet to come.

Before you give me that side-eye, maybe you should email me @carlotazee@gmail.com? And become a fan of my Facebook page," Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

Besos,
C.

Dressing The Part

http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/suiting/super120s/PRDOVR~23346/23346.jsp 

Before I start today's...welp, some people might call it a "rant", but I prefer to think of it as "passionate advice coming from a place of love." Oh, just humor me. Anyhoo, before I start venting, let me just say that I personally have a ton of J.Crew clothing in my closet, but when I see them selling items like this as "professional," I tend to get grumpy. And you wouldn't like me when I'm grumpy.

 

Considering that even the model looks somewhat shell-shocked by what she’s wearing— though maybe that’s also the effect of J.Crew forbidding the poor girl from brushing her hair—there’s probably not much else you need to know to avoid this “look”. 

You have to understand that the workplace doubles as a grueling, non-stop audition process for the professional roles you want. Thus, you have to dress and behave in a manner that is appropriate to your specific industry. So, say, you're an attorney trying, eventually, to be "cast" for senior associate, for partner, for counsel: you have to dress the part you want, so you can embody the part you want.

When you go to work, you represent something bigger than yourself: you represent the corporate brand. You constantly represent the corporate brand. Not many law firms want their corporate brand to have uncombed hair, not to mention a distractingly-odd “suit.” Your firms wants you to fit in, to look and behave as if you understand where you are and what you're doing. If you wear something like this, what will clients think? They'll think, "Did she get dressed in the dark? Is there trouble at home? Oh the poor thing...can somebody handle my divorce please?" and then they'll take their dollars elsewhere, which means you don't meet your billable hours requirement, which means don't buy this suit.

You know where this unfortunate outfit is appropriate? At JCrew HQ. End of story.  If you wear this to your office, especially with your hair uncombed, I guarantee that people will 1) laugh openly and 2) refer to you from now on as “JCrew,” as in “Hey, JCrew, go do a Starbucks run for us.”  Does that sound mean? Allow me to welcome you to corporate America, which is approximately high school, but without the sex appeal.

Want more sartorial guidance? Don't even play, kid, I know you love it! Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

 

Friday quickie vent

This blog is about creativity coaching, yes? It's, theoretically, about me reaching out to you, Dear Reader, and helping you become empowered and passionate about what makes you tick.
Okay, but sometimes, this blog becomes my space for venting. As in, when I made the mistake of reading Jamie Bufalino's Get Naked column in this week's Time Out New York. But my venting today, boys and girls, is not so much about Mr. Bufalino, as about the second letter-writer. Here's a link: http://newyork.timeout.com/sex-dating/2283697/get-naked
(*musical pause here, as you read the second letter*)
Whoa. Where to start, right? Let's make it clear: I'm certainly no dating 'expert', whatever that might mean, but I have run through, um I meant "dated" more than my fair share of mens. I have enjoyed myself. I wouldn't say I'm the easiest person in the world to date (Ha!), but I am fun. I like to drink. I an excellent conversationalist. I show a lot of cleavage. I have an inappropriate sense of humor, and crucially, I enjoy being naked with a good-looking boy. So, maybe I'm no expert, but I have some basic sense to share with the letter-writer, as in: Are you for serious?? How are you, a 40-year-old woman, seriously wondering if this guy is going to change, if he's "committed to getting help," given his history of cheating on every single woman in his life? Um, what to the what! I know what you want to hear--that yes, your love can change him-but let's be honest, shall we?
He's 51; he's cheated on every relationship; he's cheated on you a number of times. And news-flash: these are only the instances that you know about... This isn't a sex-addiction. This is the joy of cheating. The thrill of, probably, knowing that there are lots of women out there who want to have sex with him. Pretty pathetic, right?
And, let's be clear: his behavior has nothing whatsoever to do with you. He cheats because he enjoys it. (So your attempt to justify his actions due to your extended absences is also horse-sh*t, sorry. You could be there 24/7 and he'll still find a way to cheat. To him, cheating = fun!)
I know: what's really painful is the realization that you're not "special," that even though he cheated on all the others, somehow your love didn't "change" him. That can be a depressing thought to consider. It can make you wonder if there's something wrong with you? (Answer: No, there isn't. Not a damn thing.)
Instead, you could understand that you are special to one person, the person to whom it should really matter: yourself. You could understand that and cut your loses, hit the road and stop wasting your time with this "loving father and successful executive." What, btw, does his "success" have to do with the fact that he's a cheating mofo?
Don't confuse the issue: he always has cheated, he always will cheat. So even if he wins a MacArthur Genius Award: he's still a cheater. His lies to you, about his "sex addiction," are boring and predictable; your lies to yourself are the heart of the matter.
This is NYC. My research has confirmed that there are a lot of fun boys out there, looking to meet women. And you're stuck on this loser...why?