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Monday, July 11, 2011

I had a boring date Saturday night (meh, it happens.), that after two hours, and two double gin & tonics, I bailed on: had to get home to Adult Swim, The Kitten, my love affair with the taco truck, etc. But the funniest  (translation: not funny whatsoever) part, was when the boy said, discussing his interest in performing long-form improv comedy: “Well, I’m trying to become better at committing blah blah blah.”  I mean, I’m sure he had something um “insightful” to say about improv, and by “insightful” I mean, not interesting, since nothing else he said all night was interesting… but I had stopped listening at around gin o’clock.
(He was however hilariously funny when he suggested that we split the bill. Listen, I’m a feminazi, not an idiot: you want me to split the check with you? Sure, that’s fine, knock yourself out:  just don’t assume you’re ever going to see me naked, since my vadge is, to quote the wisdom of Rick Ross, “allergic to broke,” so you just guaranteed that where you are concerned, she’s extremely occupado. )
Here’s my (cranky) point: this boy was lame, but he’s on the right track when it comes to commitment. Commitment to your dreams is not a choice. Except in the sense that if you choose not to commit, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. It’s that simple and yes, that scary. If you choose not to commit to getting a better relationship, understanding yourself, getting a rewarding job, writing that great novel you’ve had inside you, learning to play the guitar, speaking French, joining the Peace Corps, opening a restaurant…nothing whatsoever will happen. You won’t just wake up one day, for example, married to a good man, with a beautiful baby. You will however wake up and realize you’re dating another in a line of users, who neither loves nor respects you, nor wants to have children with you. You will realize that you just wasted some potentially wonderful years of your life with this schmuck.
DO NOT DO THIS! I’m sorry to get all shouty, but : You deserve better. Yes, you do.  I don’t even know you, but unless you’re Casey Anthony, I know that you. Deserve. MORE!
True story: I spent about 5 years of my life, in my late twenties and early thirties in a dead relationship. Dead as a doornail. So dead, that by the end we would sit silently in restaurants and, I’m sure, depress the people around us. But, due to our various fears, we couldn’t end it. I personally was convinced that if we broke up, well, no one would ever date me again. Yup. So when he gave me an engagement ring, I didn’t say, “Oh, what a gorgeous ring; you should give this to a woman with whom you actually enjoy spending time.” No, that takes character and courage which at that time I didn’t have: I took the ring. We were “engaged.” Except…well, except that we continued NOT speaking to each other, NOT having sex, and we definitely were NOT planning a wedding. In fact, as the months passed, and people asked what was going on with said “wedding” “planning,” I would just get crankier and crankier. People would actually give me wedding magazines which would enrage me; I just wanted to wear the damn ring, okay, why do I have to do anything?! Oy.  Long story short: we eventually broke up, life went on, I started wearing mascara and little bikinis and dating very cute boys. (What a country!) But while I invested in my own unhappiness, guess what: I stayed pretty damn unhappy. Funny how that works...
Therefore: commit to making your dreams happen…or let the years and the frustrations pile up. You’re rolling your eyes at me: “Whatever, Carlota, what does happy horseshit even mean?” It means that the minute you start to doubt yourself and your abilities, or the minute you decide that something you're passionate about couldn't possibly come to pass… you’re right. It won’t.  But the minute you say, “Well, there’s no guarantees, but I can give it 100% every single day till one way or another, I create the opportunities I need for [fill in the blank] to happen,” you’re also right. Because the alternative is…what, tell me? (*crickets*) Exactly. 
[I would however love readers to tell me what they have committed to!]

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