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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Don't Ask Me

Just a quick note today on this irritating trend I’ve noticed in some people. This trend of people asking other people if they can “be” something. This trend of asking permission of others to live your dream. Grrrr.
 To give an example, about a year ago, I had coffee with a friend of a friend who wanted to become a playwright…a thespian! This person wanted my advice since before I became a Yenta, I was a playwright. Produced off-Broadway at age 18. Well-reviewed in the press.  Oh, don’t mind me. Anyway. 
 Now I’m going to be 100% honest and admit that while I originally agreed to help said person because I’m nice (You didn’t know this but I am nice. *shifty eyes*)…the fact that this thespian-wannabe turned out to be a hot young man did not hurt his case.  So hot, in fact, that I was willing to overlook the tattoo on his neck depicting the first notes of…”Mary Had a Little Lamb.”  Yes indeed, thanks for asking, that boy was smoking hot. (Ugh…sometimes I hate my vagina.) Anyway, we met up, we chat... and the boy asks me, “Well…can I just call myself a playwright…is that okay?”  (Sigh.)
I should have answered, “I don’t know, are you willing to do the work involved? Are you willing to write plays and compulsively read plays and understand that having seen 3 plays and some dinner theater including 'Spiderman Turn off the Dark' does not make you the next O’Neill?” Not that he’d know who the hell O’Neill was. (O'Neill is all, "Yeah, that's fine with me.") Do I seem angry? I’m sorry.  But it’s always depressing when someone so hot has HORRENDOUS taste in theater…and turns out to be very untalented. So untalented that reading his "plays", I suddenly had no desire to see him naked. I suddenly remembered how extremely busy my vagina was. Very busy. So busy.
But, my point being…why would he, or anyone, ASK someone else if they can be or do something they want? You want to be a playwright or an actor or a cat-wrangler or whatever…well don’t ask me. Because I have asked myself, and I work constantly, thanks.  Ask yourself: are you willing to put in the time and energy to figure out what you need to know and make this dream or some version therein, a reality? Don’t ask me, since I’m not going to be the one doing the heavy lifting day after day after day. Why? It’s not my dream.  It’s yours.  So I think we both know whom you should be asking permission from…. And once you give yourself that permission, email me @ and let’s start making that dream a reality. (Crappy playwrights need not apply.) 

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