Wednesday, January 30, 2013
31Ways2GetItStarted™!: January 30, 2013
Day 30: Be selfish!
I was discussing with a dear friend, earlier this week, the necessity of being selfish if you truly want to achieve anything great with your life, and she said something along the lines of, "I don't think of being selfish as the worst thing anymore. But when I was growing it, it was the worst insult imaginable."
Now, as many of you, you dear good people who have suffered through this blog's focus on my cats, vagina, grumpiness, living in Queens, and bad dates--not necessarily in that order--you good people know that I was raised as an adored only child. If my mother had called me selfish, I would have probably been confused, and said,"I don't understand...as opposed to what? You mean...it's not a good thing?" As an only child everything I saw--parents and pets included--was mine. ALL MINE! Even if I wasn't necessarily using it at that moment, or year, it was still mine, don't touch it, don't look at it, mine, mine, MINE! Oh what a precious bundle of joy I was. Especially when sleeping.
I suspect that most of you probably didn't grow up in such a breeding ground for rabid megalomania (#suckstobeyou), and you got used earlier to, not only sharing, but not being selfish. Maybe, especially if you're women, you also got used to being pressured to be "nice" and put others first. Let's face it: civility is what makes the world go round. But if you want to achieve your goals, at a certain point, you have to be selfish. You absolutely have to be selfish because the pressure to give up, and go-along-to-get-along is intense. When I was starting out in TV news, I moved up the ladder very quickly because I truly wasn't interested in being nice, I was interested in making deadlines and getting my pieces on-air. The women who cared what people were saying about them...well, god bless them, they're probably covering local politics in Iowa on public TV. #therebutforthegraceofYahweh...
If you're trying to change your life, you have to become obsessed. You have to be selfish in your energy, your time and your passion because unless you're 16 and doing a lot of speed, you're only going to have a certain amount of time and energy. And life tends to move quickly. Opportunities move even quicker. So,you're going to have to be selfish in believing that your goals are more important, to you, than making other people happy.
Understand that I'm saying you'll have to be selfish, not unpleasant or cruel. I'm not referencing Paul Gauguin, for example, who abandoned his family to suffer in dire poverty, when he fled to Tahiti to paint...beautiful as his works are. No. I, for example, lost out on a lot in my single-minded pursuit of success, when I was in TV news.
My point is, have the courage to believe that your passions are worth the best of yourself. Don't waste yourself taking care of everyone else in your life and work, and then have nothing that is truly yours. Because, here's the funny thing about being selfish...it can then make you even more generous in other aspects of your life.
Want some help channeling your inner brat? (Oh, god is that fun!) Email me @carlotazee.com, or visit my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.