I'd like to call this post, "Lessons in Badvertising" (Oh, omg, so clever!), but this computer is about 5 minutes away from getting drop kicked onto the streets of Queens, so let's worry less about the title and just begin. (Serenity. Now. Dammit!)

Anyhoo. There's a liquor store near me, which was recently trying to get people to become fans of their Facebook page with this gem: "Like us on Facebook and get free quotes." Um...fail. FAIL FAIL FAIL! I can get free, incorrectly-attributed quotes anytime I damn please...that's what BrainyQuote etc. is for. If I'm going to become a fan of a booze store, I want... free booze, info on tastings, more free booze, suggestions for dinner, info on cocktails, even more free booze and hey, did I mention, free alcohol? You want me to like your page, how about you give me something of relevant value? (Some of you are now thinking, "Hmm, I liked this b*tch's page...what the hell did I ever get?" You got interesting articles, too much information about my vagina's likes and dislikes, cat memes and hawt pictures of me...shut up, sit down!)

But seriously: if you're going to have a business Facebook page--and if, for some bizarre reason, you've decided your business doesn't need one...sigh. It's 2012. Have you heard that a black man was named president? Yes, NPR was thrilled. Seriously. Join us.-- and take advantage of that continual free advertising, since that's what your Facebook page should strive to be, here are some things for you to consider: What are your goals for the page? Who are your clients? What are they interested in? What do they need? What's different about what you offer? Whom do you wish to be your clients? How will you use your page to get the most positive image of your brand lodged firmly in people's subconscious?

Because that's how it works: You advertise on Facebook, and Twitter, and LinkedIn, just to name a few social media platforms, tirelessly reminding the general public that you're around, offering a great service or product, and eventually, people who need said product or service remember you and...blammo! You have a sale. (That's the CliffNotes version of how it works.) You've made your page compelling, you've gathered an audience...you win!

Of course, one effect of social media is to make people a great deal more resistant to crap advertising, so you have to be a little bit clever about it. For example, say you run a production company...well, you could keep posting status updates reminding people to hire you (#yawn)...or, you could: 1) create a short, easy-to-follow video, demonstrating how to edit in Avid and post it on your Facebook page, YouTube channel, Twitter, etc.; 2) you could put clips of scenes from your fave films, with a note explaining why said films were so influential in your decision to become a film-maker, and how they influenced your career; 3) and you could put up trailers and clips to upcoming pieces, pieces your working on, pieces you're thinking about working on, etc., so people checking out your page, notice how wide your range is, and how interesting you are yadda yadda yadda.

More importantly, by making free videos, and teaching people some valuable skills, you're not just talking about your expertise...you're showing it. And you're a consumer...what is more likely to make your hand reach for your wallet? Big talk or solid, usable action? Exactly.

Want more ideas on how to make your Facebook page come alive? Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com!

An acquaintance of mine on Facebook--oh stop acting like you don't start sentences with those words all the time. Unless you're a Luddite. In which case, why are you reading this blog and not churning your own butter or shoeing your horses or something while it's still daylight?--recently noted that since he had left his job, he could now tweet with impunity, since he didn't have to worry about marketing anymore. Oh my.

I'm not a huge fan of this um "friend," so I didn't say anything. But I do have a soft spot for people who read this blog, so here's what I would have said: "You are incorrect." He was incorrect to 1) think he didn't have to worry about marketing anymore, 2) to think he could tweet with impunity (especially, given the fact that he is unemployed), and 3) to think that he was ever not marketing.

News flash: We're all always marketing. We're marketing, in big and small ways, when we go to the gym, when we gain weight, when we go to graduate school or drop out, when we get hung over or laid, when we get married, when we stay single, when we post photos on Facebook, or don't post photos, when we wear shorts or jeans or capris, when we have pets or don't, when we wear makeup or don't....if you're breathing, you're marketing. And to think that you can somehow choose when you're going to market...alas, no. All you're doing then is choosing to market poorly.
Marketing is interacting with other humans, it's leaving a path through life, it's being alive. (Oops, almost became a Barbra Streisand lyric there.)

I, for example, have a personal Facebook page and a public page. At this point, I don't accept any friend requests anymore--sorry, Bradley Cooper, you missed your chance--since at one point, I was perhaps a little less savvy about marketing and put up quite a few status updates and photos that um, perhaps I didn't think out too well. (Translation: http://youtu.be/QYHxGBH6o4M)

So, as I got deeper into this business, I realized: this is who I am. I could try and hide it...meh. Lying is so boring. Or, I can embrace it: bingo! Its now part of my organic marketing. Or something.
My point being: you are always marketing. Every social media imprint you leave, every comment, every joke, every photo you click "like" on, every group you join, every stupid thing you re-tweet, every party you attend, the people you date, the types of food you eat...you are marketing. And if you think you aren't, then you're marketing something even worse...your lack of intelligence.

Before you get cranky and join a Luddite commune (unless it's a free love kind of commune, and then high five, son!), email me @carlotazee.com and let's see how I can help you improve your marketing...or at least avoid making some of the more egregious mistakes I made.