31Ways2GetItStarted™!: January 31, 2013

Day 31: Begin at the beginning.

“Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” –Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

Have we really come to the end of 31Ways2GetItStarted™…? Be still my beating heart. Well, luckily there’s still 333 days left in the year 2013 for me to encourage, support, cajole, whine, kvetch, beg, glare at all you good people and, if necessary, nag you to make the changes you long for[1]. 

But again: nothing can nor will ever happen if you don’t one day just start. One day just stop making excuses (to yourself) and start creating change. That “change,” at first, may mean reading on-line articles about starting a business, or listening to related podcasts, or going to the gym for 15 miserable minutes and then going home to collapse. Pat yourself on the shoulder, my friend, because you got started!

How many people do you know with great book ideas, or screenplay plots, or the desire to start a business, or learn to speak French or whatever…who never do a damn thing  about these interests? Then, they see someone else, who did eventually get started, on TV, for example, and they say, “Gawd, [fill-in-the-blank] is not even all that talented. It makes me sick.” No, what should really make them sick is that they chose to not invest in themselves, because not doing anything is a choice. So, they chose to hang out, and someone else hustled…such is life. 

I always, always, always encourage my clients to just get started already: we’ll figure it out as it happens. Because it’s true. When I first started blogging, way back in the dark ages of 2008, I honestly only told maybe 3 people about my blog. I had no idea what I was doing. I was horribly self-conscious. There was no way in hell I could have put my thoughts on Facebook, or Twitter…meanwhile, just yesterday, I was blogging about my vagina or something else fun and out-going[2]. In 2008, when I was starting this business, I would read business how-to guides and wish that someone, ANYONE, would just hold my hand and tell me what to do. Now, I have people come to me for advice…people who have been in business for decades longer than me[3].

  

You have to just get started, however big or small, because everyone starts somewhere. That’s the rules. Think of how much in our society we take for granted today, we take ideas and technology and lifestyles for granted, that at one time would have been considered babbling heresy[4]. Think of your favorite actors or singers or artists who at once upon a time couldn’t get arrested, and now we call them icons…then again, people call Willow Smith an “icon,” and seriously, if she’s an “icon”, I have a cat who deserves both the Nobel Peace Prize and the MacArthur Genius Award for not vomiting on my pillow. #horseshit

Oh, boys and girls: it’s the end of January 2013... but our fun is just beginning! If you want some help eventually becoming the icon you were meant to be…email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, or visit my Facebook page, “Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta,” for a free consultation!

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[1] Yes, that is a dial-tone you hear because this blog is off. The. Hook!

[2] Hmm. Perhaps this isn’t the best example. But you get my point.

[3] Insert here theme music to “The Lion King.”

[4] Example: The Democratic Party having a lock on the White House for as far as the eye can see?? HA!

Recently, I watched, for the first time in years, "To Die For," the Nicole Kidman vehicle about a star-struck small town weather-bunny who seduces her teenage lover into killing her unfortunate husband when he attempts to stand in the way of her dreams of stardom. (I watched it again because I'm a huge fan of Joaquin Phoenix, btw, and had just seen his absolutely mind-blowing performance in "The Master." See it. Amazing. And if you don't like it, don't tell me since it'll just make me want to get you in a choke-hold and pile-drive some sense into you...though some of you are thinking about that in quite a different way than nature and the WWF intended it...)

If you haven't seen the film, it's a fun, campy experience and Nicole seems to really enjoy playing the wicked witch. I always forget what a good actress she can be. But afterwards, what really stayed with me, was the loneliness of her character's marriage...married to a man who doesn't understand the first thing about her. He's simply married the woman he's decided she is, the woman he wants her to be. And she, of course is uninterested in anyone but herself. No wonder it was easy for her to kill him: they were virtually strangers to each other.

In a roundabout way, the film reminded me of a certain doomed "relationship" I experienced in my third year of law school with a certain humanoid, when I was at my lowest ebb and was just happy to have someone, anyone who seemed to want to spend time with me. When I tell you we were mismatched...understatement of the century! Perfect example: I wanted to spend a weekend at Graceland--yes, Elvis' Graceland--so we planned to go, for what I thought would be a dirty weekend in the Dirty South...and then, at the last minute, he admitted he had invited his mother. Oh. His deeply religious, so religious as to have removed the radio from her car, that kind of religious mother. HAWT! Yes, you can imagine how much fun that weekend was, especially when my "boyfriend" kept waking up at 6am to "have breakfast with mom." Not to mention how jealous he was when his mother liked me. "She loved you, "he said furiously to me, "I'm her fucking son and she barely knows my name, but you she loves!" It's hard to be anything but heartbroken for that kind of pain.

 Now, looking back, I can only sigh...but at the time, I was so determined to make it work, dammit, to make sure that we'd get married, and that I was going to be an attorney, and he was going to be my scientist husband, with not one but two PH.Ds...it didn't matter that we irritated each other, that he hated my cats and my sense of humor, and my friends, or that I would have hated his friends except that he didn't have any, or that he loathed himself and was thus always suspicious of me for liking him...we were both what the other wanted in the aggregate, to prove ourselves to the world. It was in the reality that things between us didn't work.

A few months later, when the endless neediness and fights got too much, I dumped him over the phone. (Listen. I've never said I'm going for the Nobel Peace Prize here...sometimes you do what you gotta do, and then drink wine all night.) And life continued on. Now I realize that there were immediate red flags to that "relationship" that I was determined, absolutely determined, not to recognize. (Like the time, on my birthday, when another boy called to offer his congratulations, and the boyfriend furiously ran out of his own house and drove around the town all night in a jealous frenzy. Let's face it: if I hadn't dumped him over the phone, I'd probably be "steak ums" in his freezer right about now, waiting to be profiled on some true crime reality show.)

Anyway, watching that movie made me think 1) Damn, Nicole Kidman had a redonk fine figure and 2) Thank Jebus, that that's not my story anymore. I may date "interesting" boys...but at least I don't delude myself or expect them to be anything else than they are. That may seem like small potatoes to some of you, but I don't ever think it's unimportant to be able to date fun (if crazy) men who genuinely have (crazy) fun with me, as I am right now, not as they want me to be, to distract from their own fears and inadequacies. Ugh.

If any of you reading this, want to share your thoughts on your best/worst relationships, feel free to do so in the comments section...I'd love to hear from you! You can always email me @carlotazee@gmail.com.  (Unless its to tell me how much you'd love to get me in a headlock. Unless you're Joaquin Phoenix, then please, by all means!)

Why I Love Stephane Hessel

I heard the story this morning about 94 year old Stephane Hessel, a member of the French Resistance, who just wrote a book, Time for Outrage, about the need for young people to stand up for what they believe in...and I might be in love. (And it's not just that at 94, I don't seriously have to worry about making a long-term commitment...ha! Joke. Sorta.)
No, what I'm in love with is a 94 year-old man who is still out there living life, and being true to his values. Not to mention, he can quote Shakespeare. Literary men! (I've dated unemployed men still living with their mothers, because they could quote poetry to me. Then again, that was in Russia wherein living with your mother is not necessarily something out of the ordinary.) I'm going to have to restrain myself from sending Mr. Hessel a fan letter on Garfield stationery, in pink script, telling him how much he blows my mind.
Because I adore people, at any age, who have the courage of their convictions. How can one not be inspired by a 94 year old who is still fully present in his life and passions? Listen, I have days when I think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for having taken a shower, applied mascara and met, productively, with clients... because all really wanted to do was eat my weight in Taco Bell, wash it down with whiskey (chased with even more whiskey), and watched a full-days worth of "Locked Up Abroad" episodes. (Speaking of Taco Bell: http://www.nuttynewstoday.com/?p=51698 Can you really blame him? Or, as a dear friend said: "Hot sauce is half the point of going to Taco Bell!")
Here's a link to NPR's story on Mr. Hessel: http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2011/sep/22/wwii-survivor-stirs-literary-world-with-outrage/