Email me!

Monday, January 9, 2012

The secret is that there is no secret

So I've been awake since oh, 4:30am, my brain working feverishly, and I'm about to go running and start my awesome day...gross, I know. Some of you just want to take me on your knee and...spank me. (Ha!) People who enjoy their lives are so irritating, right? Don't worry: my to-do list just got longer as I came up with an awesome book proposal that I have to somehow churn out while dealing with clients, and getting my play produced and writing a new screenplay, dating, procrastinating and throwing straws for The Kitten™ inner masochist is happy. God forbid I put my feet up and enjoy, right? Yahweh would never approve.
So, I'll keep this brief, except to say: I have no secret for success. All of this stuff is clicking because of constant and obsessive hard work. I have no ace in the hole--I mean, besides the play being, in my humble opinion, tha shiznit, son--excepting my preternatural ability to hustle and constantly sniff out opportunities. I mean, I was a history major, fer chrissake, with a focus on Russian Area Studies: what employable skills could I have? Is anyone going to pay me to discuss, at length, the various causes of the Russian Civil War, or, the Siege of Lenningrad?  Even, especially Russians don't care. (Sigh.)
I'm driven to write these words because some people still don't get it. They think that success--however one defines it--is some weird freakish thing, which only happens to special people.
These are the same people who say to me, "Oh, you're so lucky that blah blah blah." Um, no that's not luck: that's the result of constantly gritting one's teeth and not giving up. (Foot-stamping, whining, drunken pity parties, simmering rage and having a growing Enemies List, a la President Nixon... oh my yes! But giving up? Oh, no. No, no, no.) Luck is if I happen to bump into Tim Tebow and something naked, disgusting and not G-rated occurs. (Then again, given his close, personal bromance with Jesus, he'd probably just try to convert me, which makes my vadge cranky. Fie.)
So, don't bring 'luck' into this. This is all about identifying goals, making a plan to achieve said goals and sticking with said plan. Day after day. Even, no especially, when you don't want to. Because that's when "the magic" happens: when you do something, day after day after f**king day...and rewards start springing up. Opportunities become visible. Things which perhaps a year ago--did I mention the day after day after dear god day part?--might have seemed a fantasy, start looking very likely. And still you continue on.
I can tell which clients will succeed...and which ones won't. The ones who will succeed are the ones who stay on message no matter what. Seriously: no matter what. The ones who don't succeed? They're the ones who keep having a reason why they haven't started yet, or why they can't do the things they promised to when we started working together, but seriously, Carlota, I'm totally going to, I'm just like super busy (but wait, let me go update my Facebook status about that TV show I watched last night, and comment on all 800 of my Facebook friends' pages, and ohh, look at those pictures of my friend's baby, zomg, how cute is he, and I have to read my friend's wedding blog, and help her decide which candy she should offer at the reception's candy bar) and you just don't know how hard things are for me now, gawd!
Hmm. You know who has it hard? Correspondents who have to report on Newt Gingrich's presidential campaign with a straight face and, crucially, without the use of profanities. Mariah Carey's unfortunately-named twin: Morocco. (He's a child, Mariah, not a pet. I had a cat named, "Flapjack." He was a cat! He was never going to be a 40 year old man trying to live his life with a modicum of self-respect.) Matthew Broderick for having to wake up next to that. Women who choose to date my exs. People who seriously 'read' Cosmo for the advice. That is a sampling of people who have it 'hard.'
You don't have it hard, you're making it hard. You have a very simple choice: pursue your goals, and all the freedom that entails...or don't.


  1. Wait..your secret is..hard work? Oh, this is not going to sit well with the young kids today!

  2. cannot help yourself, you must stir the pot!