Rescuing People

Oh, I know. Some of you wonderful kids are giving me That Look, feeling unloved, rolling your eyes, thinking, "Whatever, Carlota, like I don't even care, I was just reading your blog as a favor, gawd! Like TMZ is where I get all my news anyway!" Aww, baby don't be like that, you know I adore you. I have indeed been remiss about my ranting um blogging (#redundant), but that's only because in this business I give clients 100% and giving people 100% takes time.

Some coaches just want to put you through your paces, and get you out the door as they count your money...I'm not like that. Anything good that happens from my coaching happens because of the relationship you and I will create. I know that in order to achieve your highest potential, you need a coach who will be there for you when you're personal life isn't working, or there's drama with your mama, or you just need to talk honestly with someone who cares. Because to be able to position yourself to achieve your potential, you need to get rid of all the issues getting in your way. So I'm in it for the long haul with my clients and that takes time.

Also, not gonna lie: I have this big workshop this Saturday (#hinthint) and I've been preparing for that. So, all in all, I've been wonderfully busy with wonderful people, and this is kind of how I feel right about now:

(despite, being significantly shorter...alas.) But I shouldn't take too much credit: a lot of my joy is due to the wonderful people I get to work with. Obviously, you start a business like this, to help others, because, deep down, you're the one who wants/needs the help. Like how when you rescue cats, you're the one getting rescued. Except the clients, usually, have a lot less cat hair. Usually.

All this to say: 1. I love you guys. 2. I'll be better about blogging. 3. Rescuing cats, and people, is always worth it.

And don't forget: you can still buy tickets, at the door, to my professional career building workshop this Saturday, June 29, 2013, at which I'll tell you everything you need to know about networking your way to your dream career! (Didn't go to IU? No worries, I still think you're cool as sh*t!) http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6762451675/estw 

Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, with any questions, concerns, rants, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

xo
C.

The Joys of LinkedIn

I am indeed on LinkedIn, which is both good and bad. It's good for my business, but it's frequently horrific because the evil elves of LinkedIn will, in their desire to be helpful, suggest I reconnect with former boyfriends who wouldn't speak to me if they were under the wheels of my car driving over them. This is going to surprise you, but I am not always the most mature person when it comes to romance. I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I do not always bring happy happy joy joy to the men of America.

I'm leading in with this, because recently LinkedIn tried to get that lovin' feeling going again between me and a certain ex of mine. I'm fairly sure that this particular boy feels something for me more akin to what Hitler felt for his art instructors..so I just sort of chortled, reading LinkedIn's, "Do you know...." Oh, indeed I do. How could I forget the boy who invited his mom to come along on a romantic weekend trip to Graceland. Because truly, adding your mom to my Dirty South adventure is guaranteed spice! Is it hot in here or is it you waking up at 7am to cook your mom breakfast, and yelling at me to be perky...whoo!(My vagina's all, "Blah blah blah, I'm not listening!")

The thing about this particular boy--besides his insanity; besides his lack of humor; besides his assertions that a certain one of my cats was crazy which was all, Hi, Kettle, have you met Pot?--was how much he loathed himself. And thus, by extension, how much he loathed anyone who liked him. Though he was, of course, desperate to be liked. What a tangled web we weave, yes?

He was in the process of getting not one but two doctoral degrees, when I was "dating" him, besides all of his other various degrees and awards. Tall, great figure, handsome...but talk about your own worst enemy. Then again, when you grow up in a family where your father has decided from day one that you're gay, so he never spends any time with you, never even speaks to you; when you grow up in a family in which no one ever tells you they love you, or that they're proud of you, or displays any sort of basic human compassion...well, those types of charming experiences do tend to make things complicated. It's hard to be your own biggest fan when you're raised to despise yourself, and to be ashamed of all that makes you unique. 

He used to frequently talk about his wish to be "normal," by which of course, he meant he simply wanted to be loved and accepted for whom he was. Crazy! His mother, who could only barely grasp how much pain he was in, used to send him all these pamphlets about Jebus loving him, and I wanted to get her in a choke-hold, and scream,"You moron, he doesn't need Jesus, he needs you to for once tell him you love him! For once!" But apparently choke-holding some sense into people is against the law. #horsesh*t

I suppose I bring all this (lurid) back-story up, because when LinkedIn reminded me about him, I found myself genuinely hoping he was happy. (I don't really have to tell you that I was not the best girlfriend for him, since I was dealing with my own value-meal sized issues and did not have tremendous sympathy for anyone else. Oh don't give me that look; at least I'm honest!)  I found myself hoping he had forgiven himself, and given himself the love that he needed and deserved. I also found myself hoping that wherever that healing process was (Allah willing) taking place, it was far FAR away from me and my vagina. Life's too short! We're too busy.

Want some help making your own healing life changes? (We don't have to talk about my personal life. Yes, yes, I promise.) Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, or like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

Yesterday we experienced the Oscars. Suddenly Ben Affleck is a talented thespian...instead of the co-star of a little debacle film entitled...Gigli http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0299930/ (memories...light the corners of my mind!), but anyhoo, life demands we move forward and here it is Monday again.

I personally love what I do, and since I am self-employed my boss is a slave-driver so I tend to work constantly...but I was thinking of all those people who woke up this morning shaking their little fists at the heavens, cursing the start of a new work week. (I include in that description all the losers at last night's ceremonies... not to mention the poor slobs who had to share an Oscar: wtf is that hot mess? Have the Oscars become yet another casualty of our "we're-all-winners" horseshit society in which everyone gets an award for showing up? Because that is not okay. All "ties" should be resolved in the Thunderdome...there can be only one!

Moving on. Say you, Gentle Reader, sitting at home, have stars in your eyes and waking up this morning, you were reminded of how much you dislike your "day job." Maybe it made you think,"How can I improve my career, so that one day I too can wear a poufy gown and trip in front of millions...I mean, win an Oscar? How can I create the opportunities I need to create the career I desire?" Oh, I thought you'd never ask!

If you're an up-and-coming actor, you could use social media to create an infinite platform for your personality AKA your brand. To wit, you could:
1. Start a weekly, or bi-weekly podcast, with some of your fellow actors/artists, and other people in the business A smart podcast in which you talk about going out on auditions, the creative process: essentially what it's like to be a working actor/director/producer today. This is valuable because, depending on how interesting you and your friends are, you can create a space for your opinions and ideas...thus becoming "valuable" to casting agents, for example, because of the name recognition you bring. You'd also constantly enrich your professional network by getting better guests which of course leads to better opportunities for you. Not to mention, if your podcast really takes off...where do you think networks get their guests to fill all that air-time from? Air-time = publicity = you're welcome.
 (http://www.podcastingnews.com/articles)

2. Create a professional Facebook page for yourself as an actor. Oh, Sunshine, I know. We all, the cats included, love to hate on Facebook. (It makes us feel better about the times we've been drunk, semi-nude on Facebook, at 2am, covered in Cheeto-dust and checking out pictures of our friends' boyfriends, thinking, "...ugh, whatever, he's not even all that...!") But let's say you create a professional Facebook page, and you post professional and interesting photos on it; photos and videos taken from on-location, from big or small awards shows, from your auditions. Let's say you discuss auditions you went on, jobs you got, books you're reading, how you're working on your craft (#pretentious)...people checking out that page are going to view you as a serious actor. In this life, so many of the opportunities we receive are based on other people's perceptions. If you have a page that is routinely, intelligently and interestingly updated...people are going to take you and your professional aspirations seriously.
On the other hand, if you don't have a page, but on your personal page, amidst fart jokes, and whining about how much you hate waiting tables, you talk about, occasionally going on auditions...most people will unfortunately assume this is just a hobby. (I know that it sucks but life is high school. #getusedtoit) Also, I promise you: you have no idea whom many of your friends know, so one person can like your page, and it turns out that her best friend is a producer and lo and behold, one year later, you're on the red carpet somewhere talking about how you mentally prepared to play one of the lead rodents in Alvin & the Chipmunks: A New Beginning. (PS: I am not hating. People have to pay the bills. I would happily, with great intellectual satisfaction, write a cinematic vehicle for animated rodents.)

3. Have an up-to-date imdb page, with recent head-shots, an acting reel and anything and everything else that gives me a feel for your range and personality. You could also link to positive reviews, to articles written by you, or that you simply find could be interesting and relevant for professionals in the entertainment industry.

Why not also get on Twitter, and see what projects are going on in your industry? See who is talking to whom, what funding is out there for movies or plays, what's the latest trend. Yet again: Twitter is another platform for you to share your brand. So instead of waiting for some moronic agent to take 10%--I say moronic agent, thinking of one who took a vegan client out for sushi...sigh. She was then literally shocked that said client fired her. Shocked, shocked and outraged.--for doing nothing for you... get out there! This is your career: how big do you want to be?

At the very least, you should like my page on Facebook, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," and have a free consultation. I will indeed be expecting you to thank me in your Oscar acceptance speech. Unless you have to share that award in some bullshit tie. #notokay

Besos,
C.

F**k Hurricane Sandy, You Still Need a Job

You're right: I am a little cranky. Not because I'm worried about Queens getting destroyed in Sandy's maw--honestly, I can't assume that as a single girl hurricane that she'd want all the related ish of the outer boroughs in her life--but I could do without the media whipping the population into a frenzy of fear and loathing and consumption of too much Nutella. Remember when we used to have leaders who grit their teeth, and counseled us that the only thing we had to fear was fear itself, and with that attitude we won World War Two and thus avoided having to learn German? Yeah, me neither...but I could still do without a bleed-and-lead "news" cycle aimed at making me want to trade in all my stockpiled weapons for bottled water and Oreo ice-cream, and live perpetually in fear. (The Kitten just read this opening and is all,"...and how exactly does this tie into helping people get a job?" Re-read the headline, you little orange b*tch.)

Anyhoo... now you're holed up in your hovel, with your significant other or his brother or whoever else was on Craigslist...and guess what? You still need a damn job. I mean, even if you had one in NYC today, you couldn't reach it, since Hizzoner shut down the MTA (#redundant)...but you're (probably) home, you're (probably) single, so you might as well spend part of this day, assuming you haven't had to evacuate, doing something productive--besides getting laid, obviously--and improve your job search. 

Recently, I had a client who was interested in getting hired as a hotel concierge for VIPs at some swanky hotel. Background: a hotel concierge can be expected to do everything from making dinner reservations, to picking up dry cleaning, to retrieving lost laptops and other luggage from across the globe, getting last-minute tickets to the World Series, etc. etc. More generally, a hotel concierge is expected to welcome guests to the hotel and to provide an insider's knowledge about the facility, the city and all the types of options available to the guest. The more expensive a hotel, the more complex talents a hotel concierge is expected to provide. Therefore, for someone detail-oriented, for someone who has excellent communication skills, and is used to performing at a very high level of customer relations...the job of a hotel concierge can be a challenging, if highly rewarding position. 

Since my client didn't have a lot of personal knowledge about the field, some of the first things I wanted her to do was to educate herself about the job, so as to be eventually able to re-write and re-position both her resume, and far more importantly, her LinkedIn profile, as relevant to the hotel/tourism industry human resources people, who would would be hiring for such positions.

What follows are some of the assignments I gave my client...feel free to go crazy. (And even if you're not looking for a job as a hotel concierge, you might find these ideas travel very well to other fields...hint hint!)

 1. What exactly does a hotel concierge do? What sort of skills/education/experience does one need, and how can we "translate" the skills you already have? Let's start by Googling "hotel concierge," check out the industry/job descriptions on Monster, Vault, and also reference a few hotel websites (http://www.nycparamount.com/careers), the W, Hilton, Marriott, to get an idea of which companies if any might be hiring, and whom they're looking for. This is an excellent time to create daily "search agents" on Monster.com and Vault.com, as to to be alerted when these types of positions become available. I would also suggest you then go on LinkedIn.com, and start "following" the companies which are hiring hotel concierges, so that you know immediately when they have openings. 

2. Start a list of all the "buzz words" or "key words" that are repeatedly coming up in your searches and job descriptions for hotel concierge, in order that we may re-write your resume to include all those words and thus help your resume eventually get read and reviewed by an actual human. You should also start working on a rough cover letter, highlighting your extensive organizational skills; your ability to be gracious and resourceful under pressure; your "people" skills, your superior communication abilities, etc..

3. Next, I would advise you to carefully work your way through your  Facebook and LinkedIn contacts, checking to see if you know anyone who works in the hotel trade. Since networking is always far more powerful than passively sending in resumes to an email address, I would strongly suggest you speak to anyone and everyone you know who works in this industry. You need to get over your shame cycle right now and let everyone you know in on this search. If you're willing to post on Facebook, that you're looking for a job as a hotel concierge in the NYC area, and give a couple of sentences describing your relevant experience as well as what exactly you're looking for, and asking people who have contacts to email you, you could be even more successful. The bigger you go with your search, the bigger your results.

These are just some ideas to get you started thinking differently about your potential employment search...as well as your opportunities. If, for example, you really follow those steps and look closely through your Facebook and LinkedIn connections, I'm sure you'll be surprised by how many people you know in any given industry you might be interested in transitioning to. And what if you have no contacts, no ideas whatsoever?

Well, you could always email me @carlotazee@gmail.com. After all, Hurricane Sandy will eventually go away, but you're still gonna need that job...and I'll still be here, waiting to help you get it...

Since I've become serious about using my business Facebook page (just writing those three words makes me automatically feel like I'm a senior citizen...and then I start thinking about what a useful magazine AARP puts out... and then I get really cranky and need to go date some 25 year old boy and prove I am not an old person dammit...though increasingly, I do refer to it as "The Facebooks"...dammit!), I've had this tremendous uptick in business, learned a huge amount about marketing, reached out to oodles of new clients, been able to reach those clients in new and improved ways yadda yadda yadda.

Therefore, in light of all that I've learned from The Facebook, and how much time we--the general human and some feline-- population spend on it, I've been thinking:...if you're unemployed, or under-employed, or seeking to transition to a new industry, for example...why not create a Facebook page around that desire?

Now, I know for some people, especially those people who are 1) unemployed and 2) raised in a Judeo-Christian shame-based culture, the idea of putting out there in the world your status as an unemployed person, and letting everyone know...is kind of insanely depressing. It can make you want to start the day with a Judy Garland-inspired cocktail of straight vodka and Ambien. #good times.

 But how about you turn that frown upside down, Sunshine and realize that pretty much everyone has been unemployed, or underemployed or a fan of Judy at some point in their lives and that the more you own your status...the better your chances of putting you and all your unique talents in front of as many people as possible, which in turn dramatically increases the odds that someone, somewhere is going to notice your page, see who you are, see your skills and what you're looking for and think,"Oh, hey...I know someone who could hire this kid in a minute!" Whereas, the alternative route, of being drunk by 3pm in the afternoon, semi-nude and drooling on the sofa is unlikely to get you any legit job offers. Unlikely, but you are correct: not completely out of the question. Maybe things have loosened up at the State Department. #YOLO!

So, for example, let's say you decide to humor me and put up a page: first of all, you have to be as clear as possible with your (potential) audience as to: who you are; your skills, experience and education; what type of work you're looking for (do not make the audience guess since, after all, this is The Facebooks, and between guessing and going to look at pictures of kittehs...you will always lose. In fact, never ever make the audience guess as to what kind of job help you want since they won't guess. They just won't care.)...and some of your unique, personal flavor. All of that could be the nuts and bolts of  your "about" section of the page.

Then, your status updates could relate the types of job interviews you've had; networking you're doing; if you've written articles, or have a professional Twitter account, you could feature them and link them to the page. If you've been interviewed on TV, or other social media channels, I'd put that there. If you're engaged in resolving issues important your field, this is an excellent place to start discussions. If you're doing research, attending conferences, talking to other people in the field...put all of that on your page so people see that this is not merely a job for you, it is a passion.  If you're an attorney with an interest in immigration, for example, this type of page would be an excellent forum to discuss issues of law, give (qualified) advice, talk about related news, even post in other languages. That way, potential employers see how engaged you are in your field and get a strong idea of all you bring to the table. Not only are you telling, you're showing, which is much more important. And obviously, think of this page as the ultimate way to network: the more people who see it, the more people who know you need a job, which means the better your chances.

Say, for example, you're a cartoonist: this would be the perfect forum to regularly post your latest cartoons, so people can see your talent for themselves. If you're a writer, trying to get published, or an actor trying to get noticed, this is an excellent way to capture people's attention, create a platform...and by extension, create some leverage.You can put up videos and pictures of yourself and your work, etc. etc...

Whatever kind of work it is you're trying to get--from acting, to getting published, to finding your own small country to rule (#jealous)--the more you embrace your page, and put up relevant, unique, intelligent and interesting content...the more people you will engage in your page, therefore expanding your network, therefore expanding your skills and your leverage...therefore expanding your opportunities.

Don't believe a silly little The Facebook page can do all that? Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com and I'll help you create it and then we'll see, my fine-feathered friend, we'll see! 

Russian Lessons

Maybe I'm writing this today for all the talented procasturbators out there who still have plenty of time, plenty of time, come on, don't freak out, baby, relax, before the IRS's midnight deadline and who'd therefore like something fun to read in the meantime...but last night I was thinking about our tendency as a species to negatively compare ourselves to those we admire..and how dangerous it is. I blame Facebook. Partly because it's easier, and partly because you go on Facebook, and you see all these other people promoting this perfect version of their lives, and you start thinking,"...so wtf happened to me?!!"
Nothing. Relax. Those people are just like you, I promise you, they're just better at playing the game.
This happens to me all the time. I have clients who suggest that since I'm successful (...or something) now, well, clearly I don't know how hard it is to get started, and they could never be like me and I don't appreciate how hard things are for them, gawd! Simma down...
Listen, I know EVERYTHING about how brutally hard it is to get started--I was a history major with a law degree, remember?--and who's saying you should be like me? (Do we really need two of me? Git yer mind out of the gutter and don't answer that.) I'm saying you should be more like you...and stop comparing yourself to anyone else.
Comparing yourself to someone already engaged in something you're interested in, is like thinking you'd like to learn Russian, and then watching a movie, for example, in Russian and deciding, "Wow, that's a hard language...no way I could ever be as good as those guys. I better not..." Yeah, especially because the people in the film are probably native speakers who grew up in Russia, speaking Russia! Sweet fancy Moses.
I'm cranky because I hear this defeatist attitude all the time. All. The. Time! And what's the point? Now you just shot yourself down and decided not to try something you might have loved! (Irritating.)
Instead, what if you studied Russian, made mistakes, had an atrocious accent and made Russians giggle...what if, right? I did and guess what? Eventually I became "fluent" in Russian. I could study, work and live in Russia, and Russians would ask, "Hmm, your Russian is so good...what part of Armenia are you from?" The part known as the Upper West Side?
If you compare yourself to someone already engaged in an activity, or whatever it is you're interested in, you will always lose. And you'll get discouraged. And you'll assume you won't be able to achieve what someone else did..and eventually, you'll end up giving yourself permission to not do it. And then, you really will lose.
True story: I spent my junior year of college in Petrozavodsk, Russia. To say my Russian was "bad" is truly a generous understatement. People would ask me the time and I'd have to mentally dissect the sentence. One time my landlady's grandchildren laughed at me because I couldn't understand what she wanted me to do. Laughed at me for hours. (Good memory!) What she wanted me to do was the laundry. Sigh.
I used to go to sleep exhausted every night from the strain of trying to understand what the hell everyone around me was saying. It was exactly as much relaxing fun as you'd suspect.
And then, after about 6 months, I was at a party, and a Russian friend told a hilarious joke...and I got it. I got it as she said it! I thought that was the funniest joke ever, I thought my friend was brilliant...all the vodka, beer, cherry brandy, apricot brandy, more vodka, Georgian wine and even more vodka probably didn't hurt. (What? Oh, all the alcohol? Come on: it was Tuesday.)
My point being: Russians love to party and eat pickled mushrooms and are very talented at telling hilariously malicious jokes.
Also: I never would have learned the language if I had accepted at the outset how horrible I was at speaking it. And by "horrible," I mean, saying things like, "Me to walk to market to buy to eat...to chicken?" (On the other hand, I had a remarkable natural fluency in Russian profanity...which got me yelled at a lot by my Russian landlady, Yulia. Then, on her birthday, she and I shared a pan of friend potatoes and 2 bottles of vodka and we became BFF. Her 70th birthday, by the way.)
But learning Russian, and living in Russia, gave me so much! I wouldn't trade those experiences, good and bad, for anything. I didn't just learn a language, or experience a different culture...I learned some amazing stuff about myself. (Whoa...when did this suddenly become an ABC Afterschool Special...?)
And when people compare themselves, and find themselves lacking...they're losing so much more than they know....
And when you're ready to stop comparing yourself, email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com!

First World Problems

Just this morning, I had an exchange over email which truly epitomizes the phrase "first world problems." In a nutshell, I "un-friended" (Why do I feel like I'm 13 all over again, for just typing these words?) a former work acquaintance, with whom I barely shared anything any longer. Once he found out...the wrath erupted. Well, erupted for about the time it took for us to exchange some snarling emails and then he blocked me. (Remember how Cartman always teases Kyle for his "sandy vagina"...? Exactly.) But this person did feel the need to inform me that I should "watch [my] temper" since it won't help me in business. Hmm. Children, let's all put our heads down on our desks and quietly think of all the famous, wealthy people you know whom are famous precisely for their ability to be "difficult." (Insert musical pause here.) Whoo, children: that's a long list of "adults" famous for their temper tantrums and bad behavior right? Now, let's now take another minute to thank Jebus that we live in a country where people can be famous and get swag and have tons of sexual opportunities with other hot people for being "poopy." God Bless America...for reals, yo. (Excepting Rick Santorum and his complete lack of humor.) Not even kidding about being grateful for being here in Queens, as someone who has lived in Russia, India, China, Washington, D.C....especially D.C. where "famous people" are senators from Nebraska and I. Don't. Care.
Because, here's the thing: I do get cranky...and you all knew that! I'm not trying to sell you a persona of something I'm not...like someone wholesome. That would be wrong and boring and 5 minutes into a session with a new client, they'd be thinking, "Wow, that's a lot of sexual innuendo and profanity and cat references for a Mormon, right? Nice ta-tas, tho. Hmmm..."
Clients know I'm cranky and that's why they hire me. Because they want the tough love, they want someone to hold them accountable, they want to know someone gives enough of a sh*t about their lives, their future, their potential to be pissed off when they show up for a session with the "I didn't do my homework, because I had to kill a black teenager who was going to attack me with Skittles" excuse. People want to know they matter...which, in hindsight, is probably why that guy I un-friended was so cranky in the first place...#zing!

Facebook = business

Like most of you, I primarily love Facebook as a way to waste time. Well, waste time and look at the photos of people's boy/girl-friend and wonder how that happened. ( I know, I know: meow meow meow...meow!) But, and I swear this is true: Facebook is also amazing for business. It feels weird to even type the words "Facebook" and "business" in the same sentence, but if you're engaged in some form of business--from a food blog to getting a better job to promoting your band--and you don't have a Facebook page for said business...you hear that sad trombone noise? It's for you. It's wondering when you're going to leave the 1990s and join the rest of us. Should I send you this blog entry by fax?
Here's the thing: a Facebook page for your band, or your comedy club, or your TS dating site (Hello, Photoshop!) or your wigs for cats website (I've always felt The Kitten was a blonde.), is instant and immediate free advertising. Every time you post, it goes out in your fans' news-feed reminding them about your business and demonstrating how your business is relevant to their lives. If you are, for example, a struggling actor, and you regularly post updates about auditions you go on, plays you're reading, roles you're studying, classes you're taking, photos of yourself, clips from movies you like, clips of your performances, actors who inspired you, etc...one day, I promise you, one day, a friend, or a friend of a friend will check out your page and think, "Oh, I should have this guy audition for my [fill in the blank]"...and later on, when you're an obscenely overpaid TV sitcom actor, talking about yourself and your "gift" in the third person, making the crew address you by your character's name, and not allowing people to make eye contact...you're welcome.
If you post interesting, timely and relevant things, friends of your fans will also start checking out your page and following you. And, crucially: the necessity of constantly having to update your page, and therefore to find interesting and relevant items that will promote your brand, will have the effect of focusing your mind upon your brand. That, in turn, will force you to carefully define your brand, which will then increase your understanding of all the brand-related opportunities out there. Opportunities you otherwise probably would not have even noticed.
You're rolling your eyes at me, saying: "Um, Carlota: how is posting quotes, or snarky photos or "Shit Wookies Say", going to help me promote my business?" Um, how is it not? Through my Facebook business page, I've gotten numerous clients and incredible opportunities; I'm taking my play ever closer to production and I've keep meeting fantastic contacts who are helping me promote my brand. (I've also over-shared about my dating/drinking habits...but that's a bonus! Non, je ne regrette rein...)
Later on, I'll be giving ideas for what you can post if, unlike me, you have some discretion and perhaps don't wish to appall your parents by revealing every aspect of your life, and your cats' lives, to humanity.
For now, however, if you're trying to get a business up and running--and if you know me, you know that I think everything is a form of business--and you don't have a Facebook page...sigh. Come on, get out of the 1990s: we listened to 'Color Me Badd' fer chrissake. Remember those parachute pants? Grunge! (*shudders*) You can do better.

This is the 1990s:

The secret is that there is no secret

So I've been awake since oh, 4:30am, my brain working feverishly, and I'm about to go running and start my awesome day...gross, I know. Some of you just want to take me on your knee and...spank me. (Ha!) People who enjoy their lives are so irritating, right? Don't worry: my to-do list just got longer as I came up with an awesome book proposal that I have to somehow churn out while dealing with clients, and getting my play produced and writing a new screenplay, dating, procrastinating and throwing straws for The Kitten™...my inner masochist is happy. God forbid I put my feet up and enjoy, right? Yahweh would never approve.
So, I'll keep this brief, except to say: I have no secret for success. All of this stuff is clicking because of constant and obsessive hard work. I have no ace in the hole--I mean, besides the play being, in my humble opinion, tha shiznit, son--excepting my preternatural ability to hustle and constantly sniff out opportunities. I mean, I was a history major, fer chrissake, with a focus on Russian Area Studies: what employable skills could I have? Is anyone going to pay me to discuss, at length, the various causes of the Russian Civil War, or, the Siege of Lenningrad?  Even Russians..no, especially Russians don't care. (Sigh.)
I'm driven to write these words because some people still don't get it. They think that success--however one defines it--is some weird freakish thing, which only happens to special people.
These are the same people who say to me, "Oh, you're so lucky that blah blah blah." Um, no that's not luck: that's the result of constantly gritting one's teeth and not giving up. (Foot-stamping, whining, drunken pity parties, simmering rage and having a growing Enemies List, a la President Nixon... oh my yes! But giving up? Oh, no. No, no, no.) Luck is if I happen to bump into Tim Tebow and something naked, disgusting and not G-rated occurs. (Then again, given his close, personal bromance with Jesus, he'd probably just try to convert me, which makes my vadge cranky. Fie.)
So, don't bring 'luck' into this. This is all about identifying goals, making a plan to achieve said goals and sticking with said plan. Day after day. Even, no especially, when you don't want to. Because that's when "the magic" happens: when you do something, day after day after f**king day...and rewards start springing up. Opportunities become visible. Things which perhaps a year ago--did I mention the day after day after dear god day part?--might have seemed a fantasy, start looking very likely. And still you continue on.
I can tell which clients will succeed...and which ones won't. The ones who will succeed are the ones who stay on message no matter what. Seriously: no matter what. The ones who don't succeed? They're the ones who keep having a reason why they haven't started yet, or why they can't do the things they promised to when we started working together, but seriously, Carlota, I'm totally going to, I'm just like super busy (but wait, let me go update my Facebook status about that TV show I watched last night, and comment on all 800 of my Facebook friends' pages, and ohh, look at those pictures of my friend's baby, zomg, how cute is he, and I have to read my friend's wedding blog, and help her decide which candy she should offer at the reception's candy bar) and you just don't know how hard things are for me now, gawd!
Hmm. You know who has it hard? Correspondents who have to report on Newt Gingrich's presidential campaign with a straight face and, crucially, without the use of profanities. Mariah Carey's unfortunately-named twin: Morocco. (He's a child, Mariah, not a pet. I had a cat named, "Flapjack." He was a cat! He was never going to be a 40 year old man trying to live his life with a modicum of self-respect.) Matthew Broderick for having to wake up next to that. Women who choose to date my exs. People who seriously 'read' Cosmo for the advice. That is a sampling of people who have it 'hard.'
You don't have it hard, you're making it hard. You have a very simple choice: pursue your goals, and all the freedom that entails...or don't.