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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

First World Problems

Just this morning, I had an exchange over email which truly epitomizes the phrase "first world problems." In a nutshell, I "un-friended" (Why do I feel like I'm 13 all over again, for just typing these words?) a former work acquaintance, with whom I barely shared anything any longer. Once he found out...the wrath erupted. Well, erupted for about the time it took for us to exchange some snarling emails and then he blocked me. (Remember how Cartman always teases Kyle for his "sandy vagina"...? Exactly.) But this person did feel the need to inform me that I should "watch [my] temper" since it won't help me in business. Hmm. Children, let's all put our heads down on our desks and quietly think of all the famous, wealthy people you know whom are famous precisely for their ability to be "difficult." (Insert musical pause here.) Whoo, children: that's a long list of "adults" famous for their temper tantrums and bad behavior right? Now, let's now take another minute to thank Jebus that we live in a country where people can be famous and get swag and have tons of sexual opportunities with other hot people for being "poopy." God Bless America...for reals, yo. (Excepting Rick Santorum and his complete lack of humor.) Not even kidding about being grateful for being here in Queens, as someone who has lived in Russia, India, China, Washington, D.C....especially D.C. where "famous people" are senators from Nebraska and I. Don't. Care.
Because, here's the thing: I do get cranky...and you all knew that! I'm not trying to sell you a persona of something I'm someone wholesome. That would be wrong and boring and 5 minutes into a session with a new client, they'd be thinking, "Wow, that's a lot of sexual innuendo and profanity and cat references for a Mormon, right? Nice ta-tas, tho. Hmmm..."
Clients know I'm cranky and that's why they hire me. Because they want the tough love, they want someone to hold them accountable, they want to know someone gives enough of a sh*t about their lives, their future, their potential to be pissed off when they show up for a session with the "I didn't do my homework, because I had to kill a black teenager who was going to attack me with Skittles" excuse. People want to know they matter...which, in hindsight, is probably why that guy I un-friended was so cranky in the first place...#zing!

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