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Monday, March 18, 2013

The Joys of LinkedIn

I am indeed on LinkedIn, which is both good and bad. It's good for my business, but it's frequently horrific because the evil elves of LinkedIn will, in their desire to be helpful, suggest I reconnect with former boyfriends who wouldn't speak to me if they were under the wheels of my car driving over them. This is going to surprise you, but I am not always the most mature person when it comes to romance. I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I do not always bring happy happy joy joy to the men of America.

I'm leading in with this, because recently LinkedIn tried to get that lovin' feeling going again between me and a certain ex of mine. I'm fairly sure that this particular boy feels something for me more akin to what Hitler felt for his art I just sort of chortled, reading LinkedIn's, "Do you know...." Oh, indeed I do. How could I forget the boy who invited his mom to come along on a romantic weekend trip to Graceland. Because truly, adding your mom to my Dirty South adventure is guaranteed spice! Is it hot in here or is it you waking up at 7am to cook your mom breakfast, and yelling at me to be perky...whoo!(My vagina's all, "Blah blah blah, I'm not listening!")

The thing about this particular boy--besides his insanity; besides his lack of humor; besides his assertions that a certain one of my cats was crazy which was all, Hi, Kettle, have you met Pot?--was how much he loathed himself. And thus, by extension, how much he loathed anyone who liked him. Though he was, of course, desperate to be liked. What a tangled web we weave, yes?

He was in the process of getting not one but two doctoral degrees, when I was "dating" him, besides all of his other various degrees and awards. Tall, great figure, handsome...but talk about your own worst enemy. Then again, when you grow up in a family where your father has decided from day one that you're gay, so he never spends any time with you, never even speaks to you; when you grow up in a family in which no one ever tells you they love you, or that they're proud of you, or displays any sort of basic human compassion...well, those types of charming experiences do tend to make things complicated. It's hard to be your own biggest fan when you're raised to despise yourself, and to be ashamed of all that makes you unique. 

He used to frequently talk about his wish to be "normal," by which of course, he meant he simply wanted to be loved and accepted for whom he was. Crazy! His mother, who could only barely grasp how much pain he was in, used to send him all these pamphlets about Jebus loving him, and I wanted to get her in a choke-hold, and scream,"You moron, he doesn't need Jesus, he needs you to for once tell him you love him! For once!" But apparently choke-holding some sense into people is against the law. #horsesh*t

I suppose I bring all this (lurid) back-story up, because when LinkedIn reminded me about him, I found myself genuinely hoping he was happy. (I don't really have to tell you that I was not the best girlfriend for him, since I was dealing with my own value-meal sized issues and did not have tremendous sympathy for anyone else. Oh don't give me that look; at least I'm honest!)  I found myself hoping he had forgiven himself, and given himself the love that he needed and deserved. I also found myself hoping that wherever that healing process was (Allah willing) taking place, it was far FAR away from me and my vagina. Life's too short! We're too busy.

Want some help making your own healing life changes? (We don't have to talk about my personal life. Yes, yes, I promise.) Email me, or like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

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