(Not-so)Secret Talents

Let's face it: so much of life is getting up the courage to create the life we desire. So much of life, therefore, is getting out of our own way, ignoring that insidious voice inside, advising you to give up before you start, and instead, believing that you're worth the effort, because what you have to contribute is valuable...because you are valuable.

But once you get started, the process does get easier, and over time, it hardly becomes a process anymore. It becomes an act of liberation. This will surprise some of you sports fans, but when I originally started this blog, it was a top-secret blog. Only two or three humans, besides myself, knew about it. (The cats were indifferent.)

I would write something and my dear friends would read it and be supportive. At that time in my life, the idea that I had good, I'm sorry, FANTASTIC ideas which other people would pay U.S. currency for, was far too outlandish for me to seriously consider....and look at me now! Blogging about my business, my ideas, my vagina, my dating history, the orange Kitten...hmm, or are those all the same thing? Only my subconscious knows for sure. (Insert here the sound of many men thinking, "I really need to catch up on my reading right about now.")

So, let's say you, at home, have this "crazy" idea of creating a video resume, which you would post on LinkedIn and thus start creating the professional opportunities you desire. GO FOR IT! Use that smartphone or iPad for something actually smart and, while wearing a nice top, with your hair combed, maybe even some makeup, and a big, beautiful smile, give a 01:30 pitch about yourself and your professional passion. Let yourself sparkle.

Then, you can keep the video on your phone/iPad/whatever for as long as it takes you to get comfortable with yourself. Maybe you'll shoot 5 more. #livealittle Share your work with your "inner circle;" those friends and family, in whatever form, who truly love you (and thus love your deepest potential) and want you to be the amazing person you desperately want to be. You know who those people are: they're the people who take great photos of you, and nurture you and fight for you in a thousand different ways..even when you can't fight for yourself. I know you have those people, but if you're feeling poopy, welp, liking my Facebook page did get you a free consultation, right? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? OMG, send that video to me! I'd love it!

But, you freak out, it won't be perfect! Well, thank Jebus, since the last time I worried about being perfect was when I was anorexic and weighed 107 lbs. PS: I still "knew" I was fat. Sexy!

I don't want perfection; I want you to be your most authentic self. I want you to think you're awesome just the way you are! (Unless you're a fan of DooWop music. Sorry. I try to be supportive of everyone but seriously, I can't. I have standards. Oh, stop laughing: I do.) You know who wants you to be "perfect"? PEOPLE WHO HATE YOU! Because perfection is a lie, and it wastes your time, and thus your life. So if you need yourself to be "perfect" before you're able to emotionally invest in yourself...um, no me gusta.

How many wonderful things have been created through huge mistakes? True story: Woody Allen's masterpiece, "Annie Hall," came about because the editor re-edited the movie into what he thought was a much more organic version. Think of your favorite author, or actor, for example: they didn't start out as the star you admire, they had to grow into that person. Whom could you grow into, I wonder? (Also, is it too late for The Kitten to grow into a cat who isn't such a b*tch? For reals.)

Want some help unearthing those secret talents? Email me at carlotazee@gmail.com, and like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation.

The Joys of LinkedIn

I am indeed on LinkedIn, which is both good and bad. It's good for my business, but it's frequently horrific because the evil elves of LinkedIn will, in their desire to be helpful, suggest I reconnect with former boyfriends who wouldn't speak to me if they were under the wheels of my car driving over them. This is going to surprise you, but I am not always the most mature person when it comes to romance. I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I do not always bring happy happy joy joy to the men of America.

I'm leading in with this, because recently LinkedIn tried to get that lovin' feeling going again between me and a certain ex of mine. I'm fairly sure that this particular boy feels something for me more akin to what Hitler felt for his art instructors..so I just sort of chortled, reading LinkedIn's, "Do you know...." Oh, indeed I do. How could I forget the boy who invited his mom to come along on a romantic weekend trip to Graceland. Because truly, adding your mom to my Dirty South adventure is guaranteed spice! Is it hot in here or is it you waking up at 7am to cook your mom breakfast, and yelling at me to be perky...whoo!(My vagina's all, "Blah blah blah, I'm not listening!")

The thing about this particular boy--besides his insanity; besides his lack of humor; besides his assertions that a certain one of my cats was crazy which was all, Hi, Kettle, have you met Pot?--was how much he loathed himself. And thus, by extension, how much he loathed anyone who liked him. Though he was, of course, desperate to be liked. What a tangled web we weave, yes?

He was in the process of getting not one but two doctoral degrees, when I was "dating" him, besides all of his other various degrees and awards. Tall, great figure, handsome...but talk about your own worst enemy. Then again, when you grow up in a family where your father has decided from day one that you're gay, so he never spends any time with you, never even speaks to you; when you grow up in a family in which no one ever tells you they love you, or that they're proud of you, or displays any sort of basic human compassion...well, those types of charming experiences do tend to make things complicated. It's hard to be your own biggest fan when you're raised to despise yourself, and to be ashamed of all that makes you unique. 

He used to frequently talk about his wish to be "normal," by which of course, he meant he simply wanted to be loved and accepted for whom he was. Crazy! His mother, who could only barely grasp how much pain he was in, used to send him all these pamphlets about Jebus loving him, and I wanted to get her in a choke-hold, and scream,"You moron, he doesn't need Jesus, he needs you to for once tell him you love him! For once!" But apparently choke-holding some sense into people is against the law. #horsesh*t

I suppose I bring all this (lurid) back-story up, because when LinkedIn reminded me about him, I found myself genuinely hoping he was happy. (I don't really have to tell you that I was not the best girlfriend for him, since I was dealing with my own value-meal sized issues and did not have tremendous sympathy for anyone else. Oh don't give me that look; at least I'm honest!)  I found myself hoping he had forgiven himself, and given himself the love that he needed and deserved. I also found myself hoping that wherever that healing process was (Allah willing) taking place, it was far FAR away from me and my vagina. Life's too short! We're too busy.

Want some help making your own healing life changes? (We don't have to talk about my personal life. Yes, yes, I promise.) Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, or like my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

F**k Hurricane Sandy, You Still Need a Job

You're right: I am a little cranky. Not because I'm worried about Queens getting destroyed in Sandy's maw--honestly, I can't assume that as a single girl hurricane that she'd want all the related ish of the outer boroughs in her life--but I could do without the media whipping the population into a frenzy of fear and loathing and consumption of too much Nutella. Remember when we used to have leaders who grit their teeth, and counseled us that the only thing we had to fear was fear itself, and with that attitude we won World War Two and thus avoided having to learn German? Yeah, me neither...but I could still do without a bleed-and-lead "news" cycle aimed at making me want to trade in all my stockpiled weapons for bottled water and Oreo ice-cream, and live perpetually in fear. (The Kitten just read this opening and is all,"...and how exactly does this tie into helping people get a job?" Re-read the headline, you little orange b*tch.)

Anyhoo... now you're holed up in your hovel, with your significant other or his brother or whoever else was on Craigslist...and guess what? You still need a damn job. I mean, even if you had one in NYC today, you couldn't reach it, since Hizzoner shut down the MTA (#redundant)...but you're (probably) home, you're (probably) single, so you might as well spend part of this day, assuming you haven't had to evacuate, doing something productive--besides getting laid, obviously--and improve your job search. 

Recently, I had a client who was interested in getting hired as a hotel concierge for VIPs at some swanky hotel. Background: a hotel concierge can be expected to do everything from making dinner reservations, to picking up dry cleaning, to retrieving lost laptops and other luggage from across the globe, getting last-minute tickets to the World Series, etc. etc. More generally, a hotel concierge is expected to welcome guests to the hotel and to provide an insider's knowledge about the facility, the city and all the types of options available to the guest. The more expensive a hotel, the more complex talents a hotel concierge is expected to provide. Therefore, for someone detail-oriented, for someone who has excellent communication skills, and is used to performing at a very high level of customer relations...the job of a hotel concierge can be a challenging, if highly rewarding position. 

Since my client didn't have a lot of personal knowledge about the field, some of the first things I wanted her to do was to educate herself about the job, so as to be eventually able to re-write and re-position both her resume, and far more importantly, her LinkedIn profile, as relevant to the hotel/tourism industry human resources people, who would would be hiring for such positions.

What follows are some of the assignments I gave my client...feel free to go crazy. (And even if you're not looking for a job as a hotel concierge, you might find these ideas travel very well to other fields...hint hint!)

 1. What exactly does a hotel concierge do? What sort of skills/education/experience does one need, and how can we "translate" the skills you already have? Let's start by Googling "hotel concierge," check out the industry/job descriptions on Monster, Vault, and also reference a few hotel websites (http://www.nycparamount.com/careers), the W, Hilton, Marriott, to get an idea of which companies if any might be hiring, and whom they're looking for. This is an excellent time to create daily "search agents" on Monster.com and Vault.com, as to to be alerted when these types of positions become available. I would also suggest you then go on LinkedIn.com, and start "following" the companies which are hiring hotel concierges, so that you know immediately when they have openings. 

2. Start a list of all the "buzz words" or "key words" that are repeatedly coming up in your searches and job descriptions for hotel concierge, in order that we may re-write your resume to include all those words and thus help your resume eventually get read and reviewed by an actual human. You should also start working on a rough cover letter, highlighting your extensive organizational skills; your ability to be gracious and resourceful under pressure; your "people" skills, your superior communication abilities, etc..

3. Next, I would advise you to carefully work your way through your  Facebook and LinkedIn contacts, checking to see if you know anyone who works in the hotel trade. Since networking is always far more powerful than passively sending in resumes to an email address, I would strongly suggest you speak to anyone and everyone you know who works in this industry. You need to get over your shame cycle right now and let everyone you know in on this search. If you're willing to post on Facebook, that you're looking for a job as a hotel concierge in the NYC area, and give a couple of sentences describing your relevant experience as well as what exactly you're looking for, and asking people who have contacts to email you, you could be even more successful. The bigger you go with your search, the bigger your results.

These are just some ideas to get you started thinking differently about your potential employment search...as well as your opportunities. If, for example, you really follow those steps and look closely through your Facebook and LinkedIn connections, I'm sure you'll be surprised by how many people you know in any given industry you might be interested in transitioning to. And what if you have no contacts, no ideas whatsoever?

Well, you could always email me @carlotazee@gmail.com. After all, Hurricane Sandy will eventually go away, but you're still gonna need that job...and I'll still be here, waiting to help you get it...

On Networking

A client, who is in the midst of transitioning to a new job/industry, was asked by her new employers to submit a bio to share with her colleagues. Her employers gave her some examples, and some of her colleagues, when describing what made them, oh, let's be generous and say "unique,"cited past exploits such as (I swear to Yahweh): "hunting snow leopards." Okey dokey. People who "casually" drop information like this into their (cough cough) professional bio make me sad...for them. Clearly they had unhappy childhoods. Their nickname was "It." They wrote a lot of bad poetry. They felt that no one understood them and their pain...no one but Morrissey. They had a long, drawn out "ugly duckling" phase which finally ended with people saying, "Oh, no, no, you're very um...striking!" I'm going to assume they had a lot of adversity in their lives, since the alternative is that they're just insecure assholes. Why not just write how much you can bench press, or your trophy wife's bra size?

Anyhoo, my client, being a sensitive human, was a wee bit surprised, and/or appalled, by these bios. These bios started to make her feel bad about her own achievements. Oh, hell no! Not on my watch. So when she said, "How do I show up when my victories are internal?," you know it was on. Because let's take a moment and acknowledge that all true victories are internal, yes? The human victories that change our lives...these victories aren't marked by graduating with honors, or a pay raise, or a (paid) shout out tweet from Kim K. (I'm assuming she only tweets without pay, when the conversation is about being peed on..?)

This client, for example, had logged some truly impressive volunteer work over the years. So I asked her to list this work on her LinkedIn profile under "Interests", with dates and a sentence as to what exactly she did at each organization. Then, I suggested she join the relevant LinkedIn groups, related to each organization and/or the cause they work for...hello, networking! I also suggested she mention, in her "Summary", her commitment to volunteering, and why it is important.

Because, I know a lot of people always say, "Well, I don't have any connections; I can't network." Um, you better start creating some connections, since, same as it's ever been: networking is how you get jobs. When articles are coming out in which even career "experts" are going on the record as being increasingly concerned about the destructive toll taken on applicants by the screening software used by most companies to expedite the hiring process...we had all better understand the value of networking. We had all better understand that networking is life. (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304821304577436172660988042.html

Networking anywhere and everywhere. I personally have networked clients at the gym, in line at Starbucks, on the phone when ordering clothing. It's a little thing I like to do called, "interacting with other humans, who aren't the cats." I recently was on the receiving end of someone's double-standard and criticism for networking in a bar--wow, humans talking in a bar...crazy! I should have been home, putting on petticoats,and wearing a bonnet, I guess.--but that demonstrates their ignorance, not mine.

My point being: volunteering is an EXCELLENT way to gain new skills, help out a cause which matters to you...and, OMG, meet people who can help you in your job search. OMG ponies!!11!! (Carlota: you are so brilliant. And fun. And sexy.) So...you walk shelter dogs for the ASPCA? Awesome, put it on your LinkedIn profile. You never know whom you might meet who is also a dog person, and rescued a shelter dog and has a soft spot for people who help shelter animals...and is hiring. I'd say put almost anything on your LinkedIn profile...except the bit about hunting snow leopards. Keep that to yourself, Papa Hemingway.
 
And if you'd like some more advice about how to dress up your LinkedIn profile, holla @ me: carlotazee@gmail.com!

So, I recently went to an alumni mixer to network…and yes, fine, okay: to flirt with mens 15+ years younger than me. Happy? Feeling good about yourself since you got me to admit something…well, I could say ‘shameful’ but since I’m a big hit with that particular demographic, perhaps ‘shameful’ isn’t exactly the right word. Maybe something more like, “Oh, hell yeah, I did!” But, I digest.

Anyway, at said alumni event, I was reminded that 1): an open bar remains an awesome accomplishment in the history of our species, and 2): many smart people still don’t understand how important networking is. Nor do they understand that networking is an on-going activity. Think about some of the truly successful people you know. Not the ones who hooked-up with some miscellaneous Kardashian. No, I’m talking about those successful people whom you admire and would feel comfortable inviting into your home, without fearing that they’d transmit some new, antibiotic-resistant STD to the cats.

Those people network non-stop: at school, at the gym, at a bar, in line at Starbucks…they are always seeking opportunities.  And by 'networking,' I don’t mean they just collect business cards and add them to their LinkedIn profile. They engage with their contacts. You people, who have 300 LinkedIn connections, but hate your job…or are unemployed? What do you think those connections are, chopped liver?

And I’m prefacing these comments by talking about 'smart people,' because the people I spoke to at the alumni event, who either didn’t have business cards, or didn’t know what kind of job they wanted, or half-heartedly said they were “um, you know, kinda networking”…these are people whom, when I looked them up later on LinkedIn, or checked out their resumes, they were all honor students, with high GPAs etc. (Sigh.)

So, if you at home, are also wishing you had an open bar available right about now, and oh yeah, you could maybe also use you a j-o-b, just do these three things for me:

11  Create a (free) account on LinkedIn, with a professional and engaging photo, and start filing in your education, your experience. Start thinking: how am I going to present myself to the world? What type of job might I be interested in? And whom do I know?

2.     Get some traditional (translation: boring) business cards with, if nothing else, your name, your cell phone, a professional email address and some kind of title to identify yourself, ex: 'Juris Doctorate Candidate,' or 'Journalism Student,' or anything else that makes it seem like you have some kind of plan. (Don’t worry if you do not, indeed, have said plan:  life is about pretending like you do have a plan, figuring out what interests you, trying to make that happen and then waking up one day and realizing that all of that activity translated, if you’re smart, into a very interesting plan. The secret is hard work.  Dear God, when did I become my grandpa?)

3.       Clean up all your social media accounts. Seriously. Make them so boring that HR will feel sorry for you because you clearly have no friends and no life…and hey, you’d be perfect to work here! Because even the best LinkedIn profile, the most talented networking,  the most competent experience is going to be derailed by Tweets like “#Rise&grind trees” or “I need a ride and dye #b*tch” or a Facebook page showing you doing keg-stands or quoting controversial figures describing their sexual proclivities. (This reminds me of certain people you’ll find on Twitter, for example, who advertise that traffic in stolen goods. And you want to say, “Um, you know that the cops use the same Twitter you do, right? There isn’t like a grown-up Twitter, or a knucklehead-free Twitter, so if you’re advertising that your ‘job’ is stealing and then re-selling iPods or iPhones, I’m going to look forward to your last Tweet from Central Booking.”)

When you’ve done all three things on the list, and you still some need help to get your career search in focus….shoot me an email at carlotazee@gmail.com!

Channukah Hints, Jewrican Factoids #6: Show your passion!

It seems that within the last two years or so, LinkedIn went from being this weird little site that no one quite knew what to do with, to a powerhouse networking device. I personally love the way LinkedIn demonstrates everyone's connection to everyone else. It gives the people, who really understand the art of networking, tremendous opportunity and ability. I would even suggest that LinkedIn has sped up my business development by years.  LinkedIn in the hizz-house, yo!
But unfortunately, it appears that many people think that LinkedIn is just another, slightly more serious, version of Facebook. Or, so they treat it.
I'm talking about people who have photos of themselves that are out-of-focus, or "interesting," or no photo at all. (It is LinkedIn people, not OkCupid or AshleyMadison. Your spouse won't freak out.) Or, when I run across people who have 300, or even 500+ connections...and they're unemployed, or under-employed, or their resume is full of gaps. You have 500 connections and you don't have a staff job? Who exactly are these 500 people you know? Where did you meet them? I'm going to argue that if you have 500 connections, and your career isn't en fuego, then you're adding people who have no emotional relevancy to you or your career search, which suggests to me that you haven't fully defined your career search, which means you're wasting your time at these "networking events." This makes my inner 1980s fly girl come out, "Are joo for serious, papi?"
I also get cranky about people--frequently the same misguided people-- who have 400 connections and no information in the summary section of their profile. Or maybe just one irrelevant sentence. The cherry on top being a description of themselves as "Entrepreneur" or "Media Professional" or "Talented Writer" or "Consultant." Translation: Unemployed. Or at least, that's how it looks to the rest of us and HR.
You might as well describe yourself as "Fun at Parties," or "Looks Great in a Bikini," or "Doesn't Get 'The Muppets.'" Is it just that you don't want a career? I don't mean to sound like your mom but come on: help me to help you! Because, as someone who excelled in network news for ten years, I truly have no idea what a "media professional" is. And I suspect that you don't either.
Your LinkedIn profile can be an amazing source of positive free advertising, and useful connections...but only if you allow it to be. Only if you let it reflect your passion for your career, and explain who you are, what you've done and what you look forward to doing. It's that simple: craft a LinkedIn profile that anyone can read and afterwards think, "Wow." Not, "....wait, I don't...is this a joke?"
So if, for example, there is a gap between your college graduation and your first job, yeah you need to address it. You needed to address it yesterday. If you link to a website that is not your own...? Don't make me angry; you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Or those people who have a summary, but write things like: "looking forward to new opportunities to shine." Um, okay. Is the Opportunities Fairy supposed to read that and figure out, on your behalf, what those opportunities might be and grant them?
Instead, how about you consider your past work experience and extrapolate from that what you might be good at? Then, go through your 400+ connections, and see who might be able to help you...? (I know, I know: why am I introducing logic into this scenario? What's that about?)
The long and short of all this is: your LinkedIn profile can be a tremendous asset...or it can explain exactly why you're career is stalled. Please choose door number one. Read it often and tweak it. Read the profiles of people whom you admire and see what makes their profiles great. Have your friends read your profile and be honest. Rinse and repeat.
Jewrican Factoid #6: Three Kings Day, January 6th, was always my favorite holiday, since by then, all of my friends would be slightly depressed because the holiday/present season was over. Not for me! Also we used to leave out hay for the Three Kings' horses and one time, I heard munching. Overwhelmed, I ran into the living room...to surprise my pet rabbit, Newspaper, eating all the hay.

Connectivity

Increasingly I understand that life, all life, is about relationships...relationships or lack thereof. These relationships determine where and how we live, the jobs we get, the people we date, the movies we like, the music we listen to...etc.  You go to college, for example, as much as for what you are going to learn there, as for whom you will have the opportunity to meet. You check out your friend's friends on Facebook to see who looks interesting. The barista at your local Starbucks knows you, so your coffee comes quicker, made just how you like it. Your friends tell you about a film they saw, and you add it to your Netflix queue. You're unemployed, you tell enough friends, eventually someone knows someone who knows of something...So, relationships rule our lives. And yet.
(And this is what drives the yenta of my soul insane.) And yet, in 2011: there are still people who seem to feel that networking, that using these relationships is optional. There are people on LinkedIn with no photo, or a photo taken at some body's wedding, who have profiles with huge gaps...um, what? Some of these people are employed, to which I say: so what? You, especially you with a job, this is the perfect time to network, to stay on top of developments in your field, to sharpen your skills, to meet the people who matter. You have a job, the pressure's (kinda) off. You want to know and impress those dynamic people, to have those skills so that when you need them, you're set: you have a relationship with them. When you're unemployed, it is much harder. When you're unemployed, people tend to be kind of suspicious.
This goes double for artists, god bless them, who seem to think they exist in some alternate universe. Well, that alternate universe of grants and funding is going, going, gone, so yes: YOU MUST ALSO NETWORK.
Example: how did I get my agent? What a good question, thank you for asking. My theater teacher from high school introduced me to a fantastic woman in the NYC theater scene, who introduced me to another playwright, who happened to mention the woman who had been my dramaturg when my play was first on Broadway...who had grown up to be a very big agent. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc)
Mark Zuckerberg made cash money off of Facebook...why? Because it's human nature to want to connect, to want to know what your friends are doing...and yes, to brag about much hotter your man is, than your friends' boyfriends, not that it's a competition, but you won. The influence of social media on oh I don't know, Earth, should demonstrate that fact every second of every day. So if you're not taking advantage and building these relationships...when did you become a Luddite?