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Monday, May 14, 2012

The Wisdom of Skank Heels

One of the many wonderful things about being self-employed is that, on a day like today, when I'm working from home, and meeting with clients on Skype, or over the phone, I can dress like a bum casually. Oh, relax: I look fine...from the waist up. When I'm meeting with humans in person, I save us both shame and dress like an adult. Of course, to do that, to look like a professional, adult woman...I shop at websites aimed at teenagers. (#dontjudgeme.)
And on one of those websites, I found these shoes: ( Listen. I'm self-employed. As long as the client knows that I know what the hell I'm doing, I can get away with wearing inappropriate heels. (Did I mention the feathers? I'm Latina, for f**k's sake! The Kitten, btw, also likes the feathers.) In fact, I have no doubt that most of my clients would prefer skank heels to seeing me in Birkenstocks. (True story: I can tell when my dates are falling for me, because they actually find me in Birkenstocks adorable, instead of making them remember another appointment they have. An appointment far, far away from me and my comfy feets. That, and they start sending me links to news about cats and photos of baby kittens...strong with the force my vagina is.)
But, here's the point: I'm self-employed, so as long as I don't look redonkulous, I can (kinda) wear whatever I want. (Kinda.) If you read the description on the above shoes, you'll see that some girls said they were appropriate for, I swear to Allah..."church." Seriously? It is true that I dropped out of Hebrew school, and that I haven't been to church for quite a while but...seriously?  Unless this a "church" wherein people are drinking Kool-Aid, engaging in free love and toasting the wit and wisdom of Rev. Jim Jones...I'm highly skeptical that 4" platform heels with feathers are appropriate to church
So if you, like me, sometimes like to dress to make your not-so-inner skank happy...that's fine. Accept yourself. Love the one you're with.  But save your party girl shoes and micro-minis for where they belong--some hot boy's bedroom's floor--and wear your sensible (doesn't mean boring) flats to church or the office.  Got more questions about trashy-but-fun shoes or hints regarding websites selling sleazy clothing for me to check out? Email me!

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