31Ways2GetItStarted™!: January 13, 2013

Day 13: Don't Worry About What Other People Think.

Otherwise known as, don’t waste time trying to be cool. Because honestly all the cool kids are boring.  Because if you’re worried about being cool, I guarantee that you’re not engaged in the messy, irritating, exhausting, wonderful, terrifying, liberating process that is changing your life and achieving your goals. If you’re worried about cool, all you can do is worry about being cool. Which is way uncool...right? 

True story: when I spent my junior year of Wellesley College in Russia, I simply could not, at first, improve my Russian. I sounded like a very "special" toddler. All because I was so embarrassed to use my Russian, and make mistakes in public. I was mortified to make mistakes. So I hung around Russians who wanted to improve their English, and for f**k’s sake, here I’ve been living in Petrozavdodsk for 6 months, and I still can’t figure out how to say “laundry” in Russian. #FAIL! Eventually I said, “Screw this,” and resolved to do whatever it took to master Russian.

Yes indeedy: I sounded pretty pathetic for a significant period. How much fun was it to have people giggle at my accent/horrible grammar etc.? Oh, so much fun.  And then—I’ll never forget this—I was at a party (…listen, it’s -20 degrees, there’s not much heat or hot water, and we had sunlight for about 2 hours a day. Yeah, you’d be drinking vodka with friends and celebrating that it’s Tuesday, also!), and a friend told a joke. In Russian. And I understood the joke as she told it. I laughed as she told the punchline, NOT 5 minutes later as I mentally translated the joke, because...I got the joke in Russian.  If you haven’t gone fully “native” in a foreign country and endured a long period of waking up exhausted and going to bed exhausted as you try to do basic errands, due to the complexity of the language and the culture baffling you…well, you probably won’t know what it means to have that “gotcha” minute. But I’ll never forget it. I had made that decision to speak Russian, and “suddenly” here I was, at a party, laughing at wonderfully malicious jokes and drinking moonshine: ahh, life was good.

But the Americans who wanted to stay cool? Those were the people who could barely say “hello” in Russian.  And how uncool is it to live in a foreign country for years and never be able to speak the language? #Losers! (I worked with a correspondent who would read passionately the history of other countries, even as he was living in Moscow, with it's centuries of world-altering history. And all he could talk about was the "peasantry" of Russia and how they had no culture worth bothering about. Really. Interesting. Oh, what's that you say? This genius of history's TV career is now over? Even with a face that was made for radio? Oh, what a shame. PUNK!)

Grumpy. People who put Russia down make me a wee bit grumpy. That is true.  Also stupid people. Also, stupid TV correspondents but that's redundant.

Anyhoo. Today is Sunday and it's Sunday all day! Take a break, put your feet up, have a drink. Eat something fried. Shower with a friend…or two. (Baby, it’s cold out there!) Because come Monday morning, you’re going to get right back to the uncool labor of changing your life. Which is kind funny, because when it works out, all your friends are going to be thinking,” Damn, how cool is that?!” 

 

Want some help achieving those super cool goals? Email me @carlotazee@gmail.com, or give me a shout-out in the comments!

Coaching Hint # 3

Incredibly, despite all my desperate whining, we are firmly in the midst of the holidays--I heard Whitney Houston's version of The Little Drummer Boy, so the die is cast--and the holiday parties have begun. Note: I am not complaining. Being Jewrican, I will celebrate almost anything...invite me over! I love holiday parties, and I always learn something. One thing I recently learned is that I am apparently not 23 anymore, so if I drink um, "numerous" vodka cranberries...the next morning is ugly.
I remember living in Russia, right after college, and drinking bottles of vodka, and waking up the next morning at 6am, and going running, feeling no more than mild discomfort. Whereas now, after those drinks, I felt like Jodie Foster in Nell, trying to create a new language, in order to communicate with The Kitten, and get him to go to McDonalds for me and get me the fried foodstuffs I so desperately needed.(It didn't work because a certain someone is very selfish.)
But, here's my point: holiday parties are a perfect example of the benefits of taking care of your networks all year. You take care of your networks, and at the end of the year, they invite you to various holiday parties, wherein you can eat your weight in cookies, and give the bartender carpal tunnel syndrome. That is, of course, assuming that you have done the right thing by your networks: have you introduced people to other people who can potentially help them with a job or a date? Have you stayed in touch with people? Have you hit the "like" button on the (seemingly endless) photos of their kids on Facebook? Are you sending out holiday cards? You stay in touch with people in order to stay on their radar. It's that simple. And also, because drinking at holiday parties is always better than drinking alone.

Despite all efforts to the contrary, August has arrived. August, the dog days of summer, when it’s time for students to start thinking about going back to school. Oh, the poor dears. (Still, it beats working, right?) So, with the thought of college and keggers looming, I’m just going to go out on a limb here and give college students some free advice: N-E-T-O-W-O-R-K! Network to gain contacts, who will help you gain access to the jobs you are interested in. Network to gain entry to internships and part-time jobs at which you will have the opportunity to learn something about your chosen field, and what skills/experience they require. Network to gain said skills and experience.

Your prestigious school is lovely, good grades never hurt, but if you would like to graduate and not have to move back in with your parents (who, let’s be frank, kinda suck as roommates); if you would actually like to have a chance to use your degree, you absolutely, without fail, must network your path to employment. Some of you are rolling your eyes at me, because um, Carlota, what’s this fancy degree I’m about to get…chicken liver?

Listen, I love my purty Wellesley College degree too, and it’s framed, and it never fails to impress the super whenever he comes over to 1) fix stuff and 2) try to set me up with a nice Colombian friend of his and yet: if I don’t network, and more importantly, demonstrate to potential clients why it is worth their time to hire me and give me their hard-earned money, that degree ain’t paying the rent. (Same with the law degree, by the way: fancy, quite large, tends to impress my dates… but  unless I can use it as a means to differentiate myself to clients, and demonstrate my value…well, then it’s just a very large framed piece of paper.) Some of you are also thinking, um, weren’t you a history major, AKA unemployable? You are correct, son…and I got my first job at NBC News in Moscow, Russia because of luck, timing and networking. That was way back in the ‘90s, when the job market—even in Mother Russia, fer Chrissake—was cooking.  NBC hired me, gave me the keys to the office and started throwing money at me. (True story: my neighbors, in my slum Moscow neighborhood, were pretty sure my boyfriend and I were members of the Mob. They gave us a very wide berth. Ahh, good times. I could have probably ended up running some miscellaneous republic of the Former Soviet Union, had I just been more focused.)

Today…well, not so much. Today, you must think from the POV of a potential employer: you just graduated college. So if you are hired, the employer has to spend time and money (valuable company resources!) training you to make you profitable to the company. Now: why is the employer going to do that? Because you went to her alma mater? In an economy that’s creating jobs like popcorn, perhaps…in this one? Um.

But: what if you could demonstrate to that employer, not only did you attend, for example, her alma mater, but you held relevant internships and summer jobs, you gained relevant, cutting-edge skills, and you bring with you contacts that can add profitability to the business? That’s a lot of work, right? Right! But you can do this. You can start to network, and to view internships and summer and part-time jobs all as ways to gain further value and profitability in whatever field you are interested in. You can do this…and you must. You went to college, I presume, to broaden your mind, and gain the educational tools necessary to benefit your entire life, right? Right. (You also went to hit it, I know, I know, but let’s stay on message here.)

 I fell into TV news when it was still worth the network’s while to train me in the daily logistics of putting news on the air; the value I added was fluency in Russian, as well as a deep understanding of the country, its culture, history and politics.

Today, that value wouldn’t be enough. I was very lucky, determined, hard-working, ambitious…but lucky. Today, you have to make your own luck.

(P.S.: you can do this!)

Here, in Queens, I'm hoping I can get through the day without the cats bursting into flames--especially since, god bless them, they're not the brightest felines in their own seats, and despite the apartment being air-conditioned, they're sleeping...under the sink, in the closets...yes, in all the hottest places, bless their furry faces.--and I'm also trying to stay on message re: work, when all I want to do is spend the day in a public playground, sitting under the sprinklers in a bikini. Maybe drinking something fruit & (heavily) alcoholic, garnished with small umbrellas. (Drinks with umbrellas in them always remind me of one of my fave "Kids In The Hall" sketches so enjoy: http://youtu.be/8C4TGGtPzBU)

But anyway! (Yes, it's way too hot for me to be focused...maybe after another cold shower.) Reading the "NY Times," I found this photo section regarding a Russian supermarket in Brighton Beach.http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/07/24/nyregion/20110724JOINTss.html
 The caption for the fifth slide, discussing the "somber mood" of the employees made me snort out loud. I lived in Russia for about 3 years in the late 1990s, and anyone who has dealt with "customer service" in Russia, knows that "somber" is a very diplomatic term. ( Just typing the words "customer service" in conjunction with Russia also made me cackle.) Oh my. I love Mother Russia, and I met many incredible people, and I'm still obsessed with Russian history, the arts, etc... but "somber" is not exactly the term I'd use.

True story: when I was first living in Moscow, and was not exactly fluent, shall we say--people on the street would ask me the time, and I'd have to mentally diagram the sentence, so I could figure out what the hell they wanted...hot!--I was trying, one day, to buy some tea in a Moscow department store, and I, by accident, cut in line. (Did I mention that I wasn't 100% fluent in Russian at the time? Right.) The salesgirl snarled at me, using a term that I had never heard before. I could tell by her tone that I had done something wrong, so I decided just to cut my losses, go home and maybe I'd have better luck another day. That evening, I told one of my Russian friends what had happened, and asked what the term meant...and my friend was deeply mortified, since it was a term frequently used for cattle. Ahh, that story still makes me laugh, ten plus years later, but yes at the time, I was a little um...surprised? (Of course now, after years in TV news, and law school, and starting a business and living in Queens...I'd probably just laugh.)

For the record, yer honor, let me just stress: I LOVE RUSSIA! I met incredible, brilliant, fun, cultured, fascinating people there! The love of my life, Anton Chekhov, is Russian. Two of the cats are from Russia.
Russia, to me, is the birthplace of much, if not most, of the culture that matters to me (i.e.: not "Mamma Mia!"). So simma down; you'll have a heart-attack in this weather.