Love the one you're with: yourself!

I'm taking a break from networking, signing business deals (#likeaboss,son), giving The Kitten nubbins and, most importantly, this: http://youtu.be/ylJvzCJJVgc...to express my sadness that apparently so many people hate Valentine's Day. No me gusta. And before you assume that I'm 8, or that I woke to bouquets of roses and edible panties...meh, not so much. I woke to NPR because I'm sexy like that. In fact, I actually have had several serious boyfriends break up with me because of my inability to be romantic. What can I say: at heart, I'm an over-stimulated teenage boy, with a short attention span and I don't have time for romance! I have time to um (cough cough) get it on, and then baby, it's not me, it's you, you need to go so I can drink wine alone in the bed, in peace and quiet and watch true crime TV with the cats. Simple girl, simple pleasures.

On the other hand, before you judge me, considering my sketchy (at best), taste in men...this is not necessarily a bad thing. Otherwise, you'd be watching my misadventures on Prison Wives, for f**k's sake. And/or, Big Love...assuming I could be the main wife and sign off on all the other wives. Hmm. Note to self. (If you're reading this in Utah and you are tall, blond, hot and not allergic to cats...how you doin'? Email me!)

But, I digest.

My point being: Valentine's Day isn't the issue here. The issue is all the horsesh*t we put on Valentine's Day. The way we make people feel that to be single is the worst thing ever. The way we make people feel that having a "relationship" means you're not damaged, and that your life has meaning. The way we make people feel that it's okay to not want to figure themselves out, since that's terrifying, and they have a boyfriend/girlfriend so all is well, everything's cool, don't freak out.

 It's no longer a day to give some flowers and, hopefully, some hot sex to your steady sweetie(s), but a day to overcompensate. So if you're feeling crappy about aspects of your life, Valentine's Day can become a day to have the most amazing romantic experience, dammit, because if nothing else, at least you have a man/woman. At least you're not horribly and painfully alone...right? If nothing else, right, you're doing better than all those pathetic single people...even if you and your man have horrible sex...or you ignore each other the rest of the time...or you're bored by each other and you sext other people or you suspect he does...at least you're having a romantic dinner at Applebee's tonight.

Meanwhile, a lot of single people, instead of intelligently understanding that if you don't make room in your life for a real, loving relationship, if you keep recreating your previous mistakes and "dating" people who are not (emotionally) available...you shall stay single...a lot of single people are all, "Gawd, Valentine's Day sucks!"

I'm kind of exaggerating to make a point...and kind of not. If people could just shut out all the horsesh*t society puts on them--TO SELL roses, cards, chocolates, status--and accept themselves...well, then they'd probably only date/marry people who "get" them, who like to have sex with them, who make them laugh. We'd understand that being single can actually be amazing if you use that period(s) in your life to create a real relationship with yourself, so that when you eventually meet someone who gets you and who is worth your time...you recognize them, and you value them. Because you recognize and value yourself.

So when I say, "Love the one you're with"...yes, I mean love yourself...the one you'll always be with!

xo
C.

“I had drunk much wine and afterward coffee and Strega and I explained, winefully, how we did not do the things we wanted to do; we never did such things.” – A Farewell to Arms, Hemingway

I am, on the whole, a huge fan of Papa Hemingway—except, you know, when he’s being anti-Semitic, or misogynistic, or just generally being stupid—huge fan of his lovely, sparse prose and his intelligence. And I found myself thinking of the above quote, when I was wasting time on Facebook (#redundant), and noticed various people posting about the huge, on-going issues in their life. (Simma down, I include myself and all my numerous posts about The Kitten and my stupid vagina in that sentence. Relax.) And I wondered how many of those problems were self-created, if you will, because the people posting would rather worry about say, their unhappy marriage, or weight issues, or finding a home…than have to confront their real desires. I mean, it’s much easier, for example, to always be on a diet, and trying to lose weight…than have to confront your fears of dating and intimacy and ending up alone…n’est pas? It’s much easier to deal with your inability to find an apartment, than to have to figure out how you’re going to achieve your professional goals, once you have that stable apartment. 

I completely include myself in this, because, in the earliest years of starting this business, I definitely used the start-up process and lifestyle as a way to avoid having to figure out my personal life. (You don’t know this about me but: I was raised to be a workaholic. Working 18+ hours a day, 7 days a week, for weeks and months and even years on end…that’s totally normal for me. Which is why I did so well in TV news. I hated having days off. Relaxing and having fun…I still feel kind of guilty about that.) On the other hand, I’m not suggesting that this business is perfect now, or that my personal life is wonderful—how could it be? I haven’t woken up next to The Rock yet!...oh, my shameful taste in men. Sigh.—but at least I’m trying not to waste time anymore on unimportant crap.

My point being: for many of us, the very thing we want, is the same thing that most terrifies us. And the closer we get to it, the more obstacles we may put in our own way. It’s like those people who say, “Well, once I lose 10 more pounds, then I’m going to date/buy those pants/wear a bikini.” Okay.  Or, if you’re one of those people, you could say, “Fuck. That. Noise,” and buy those black pleather stretch-pants today and enjoy your life today, since 5 years from now, you might be confronted with the terrifying realization of how much time you wasted on the small issues, in your efforts to ignore the worthwhile issues. 

Want some help figuring out which issues you should be focusing on? Email me @ carlotazee@gmail.com, or visit my Facebook page, "Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta," for a free consultation!

One thing many clients ask me for are time management tips. What, you thought they'd be asking me for help with their physics homework? This is a blog about getting your sh*t together...well that... and you know, what happens when your vagina has terrible taste in men...and the joy of cats. But I digest: here's 3 basic but very helpful time management tips:

1.Get up early, and plan your day.

I don't know about you, but when I'm up @ 5, and envision my day, I become a machine. I become a wonderful if terrifying thing to behold. I get sh*t done. I nag encourage my clients, I do all my own work & writing and that evening, I can even go out and have a drink or 12, since I spent all day working, not just procrasturbating about the work I have to do.  (Crucial difference.)

On the other hand...if I hit snooze, and don't get up till say 7:30...already I'm freaking out about all the work I have to do and telling myself that dammit, the day is shot. (You think it's easy to be this neurotic? You have to work into this level of neuroses...it takes years.)

So, do the hard thing--since it's easier in the long run--and get up early, pre-think your day, reward yourself at the gym, or the track and increase your confidence by seeing your chores/goals get accomplished.

2. Keep the to-do list SHORT

While I think lists can be very helpful in keeping you organized...I also know they can increase the pressure. You can end up with a three page to-do list...and then spend the day watching cartoons and whining at the cats, since it's all too damn intimidating. So instead, wake up early in the day to get organized  DON'T check Facebook, DON'T get bogged down in emails, DON'T do anything but get organized) and identify 3 (max) goals you can and will accomplish that day, based on what is most pressing. 

Keep those 3 goals realistic, so that when, at the end of the day, you have accomplished those goals, you'll feel more powerful and those three chores will have served to give you new ideas, opportunities. etc.. Then go home and sing Kumbayah on your own time, hippie.

3. Avoid getting bogged down in emails.

I would seriously considering "grading" ALL email contacts, by order of their importance, so that, for example, whether you get 100 or 1000 emails a day, you can immediately see which is time-sensitive, which is a friend saying 'sup, and which is something you can look at later. To that end, I would suggest encouraging, or even forwarding, all friends/family to a personal email account, which you don't even open during the weekday. Then go through all your work contacts and be honest regarding who is important, who just thinks they're important and who is a time-suck. This might take you say 3 hours on a weekend...but if organized correctly, you can create a system that in future when you get a work email, it is automatically delineated as important, or not, and so you don't look up and realize, "Shit, I've spent 2 hours on emails, trying to get the break-room booked for a meeting...and now I'm f**ked. Hulk smash!"

Need more tips on time management, or rocket science or where to get a great strapless bra in NYC? Then email me @carlotazee@gmail.com!